Horrible Fathers Day with DH

[WineGumm]

Horrible Fathers Day morning with DH - honestly dreadful.

Last night DH and I had a fight, he had watched 4 hours of WWE on TV and I had left him alone to enjoy it. When it had finished I made a hot chocolate and went to sit on the couch. DH was taking up the whole settee with his legs on top of the couch, I asked him nicely to move his legs and he huffed that I was controlling how he sat. I just didn’t want his feet in my face. Things spiralled after he refused to move his legs and he called me “rotten”on the inside” a “vile woman” and a horrible person and I was ruining his night etc. All for asking him to move his legs! He said these things in front of DS (12)

I walked off and went to bed, I had to remove myself from the situation.

This morning I tried to act as normal possible. I wished him Happy Fathers Day. DS made him a cup of coffee (he barely looked at DS and told him he had just had one)

Got the cards and DS made a few jokey gift vouchers. DS2 had made a little present in school, his main hadn’t arrived in time, he also had a history magazine and a gift voucher.

DS went to give him the cards and he would barely look at him, saying shall we just not bother. He had a face like a slapped arse, it was dreadful. I told him to put aside whatever it was was going on and make an effort for the kids.

He started another fight and I’m ashamed to say that DS went to his room upset.

I had to convince DS to come back down and try again saying that Daddy was having a bad day.

We tried again but it was dreadful, so forced. I apologised that his main gift had not arrived, I admit that I said “please don’t shout at me” I apologised for saying that as it was probably passive aggressive and I said please don’t be upset.

DH looked at the little pile saying that there was barely anything there.

DS stormed upstairs again. I had to go to work.

I text DH to see if he would at least take the kids out to the park as the weather was lovely but he refused. I even sent him free McDonald’s vouchers so he could take him to a drive through but he refused to attempt to salvage the day.

DS stayed in his room all day, DS2 amused himself and DH played video games all day.

Its 9pm and the cards are still unopened 😔

If it wasn’t Fathers Day I swear I would have asked for a divorce today.

Eurgh get rid of the horrible pig! I’d have left at WWE and playing the PlayStation tbh!

So glad you’ve made the first step towards separating OP. Grew up with an angry grumpy dad, awful. Mum never left him and he’s still wearing her down in their late 60s. Fucking miserable marriage for both of them. Just heartbreaking and incredibly damaging for children. You done the right thing, won’t be easy but it will get so much better from here. Good luck xx

Life is way too short to live with such a miserable excuse of a man. Glad you are taking steps to move on OP

G__

Very sorry to hear that you and your kids are upset; your husband's behaviour was despicable. Has he acted like this before? Is there something else going on?
He owes you an explanation and apology. Take care, you and your kids don't deserve this

Controlling how he sat?!?!?

Your children are being abused. This is mental abuse. Please remove your children from this environment asap

I applaud you OP for your huge step today, The first step towards a happy future for you and your boys.
For a while it will be baby steps into the future but you'll soon be there
I hope removing him from your tenancy is a simple process
You and your DC need stability

Hi @WineGumm I wanted to check in and see how you are doing today? Has he left the house to stay at his Mum’s or is he still in the house? I hope that you have been able to speak to WA and your housing association. Sending you good wishes x

@WineGumm

Thinking of you! Well done!!! Hope all is well xx

OP I can't believe how brave you've been! Talk about being decisive! So proud of you, even though I've never met you.

Wishing the very best future for you and your boys. Do keep coming back and telling us how things are going, so that we can continue to support you.

Thanks for checking in. He’s still in the house. Unfortunately he has no contact with his mum right now so he can’t go there. He is acting very “nice” and normal today. Almost like nothing has happened.

I’ve got an appointment with WA next week to discuss options and I’m waiting to hear back from the housing association about how to proceed as we are both on the tenancy. I will see what WA advise next week then take the next steps to living separately. I don’t think he will leave easily though.

OP, this horror of a man terrorises your children and is inflicting terrible emotional abuse on them.
It cannot be overstated.
I think you need to contact SS and self report.
Could your children tell a teacher how awful Dad is to you all?
This would trigger SS involvement and could speed up his removal from the home.
He is a house terrorist.
Do not underestimate the damage he has done/is doing to your children.

Him being nice at the moment is just textbook abuser. 😡 You and your kids deserve so much better.

Glad you will be chatting to women's aid. Stay firm op and tread carefully in the meantime. Wipe any records on your devices and change any passwords etc.

@WineGumm mine was like this. Pretended nothing had happened (after his first move was to clear out our joint accounts- tens of thousands of dollars). Secure your share of joint funds if you have any. Tell people IRL you are splitting so he can’t pretend it’s not happening.

I had to find, rent and furnish a house to get mine out. 18 months on he is still there, hasn’t added so much as a pot plant from what I furnished the place with. These lazy fuckers really resent losing their live in housekeeper. However being married to a man like this is great training for being a single parent - you will be absolutely fine ❤️

good for you OP, stay strong! Funny how he’s remembered how to be nice now that you’ve told him you’re done. Do not take him back. Read that list every morning and every night

Really great to hear you have plans to speak to Women’s Aid and Housing Association. Be really careful looking after yourself until then, don’t let him get wind that you are seeking external advice.

Please remind yourself to be super aware of your surroundings at the moment @WineGumm. This is when men are their most dangerous. Have a lock on your bedroom door and be especially wary of him when he is gaming. (I noticed that you mentioned gaming during two of his explosive outbursts.)

@WWineGumm follow on insta thelegalqueen for good advice on family law, money, divorce etc, especially as you mentioned your own heritance.

Thank you. Right now he is being overly nice, extremely helpful around the house, doing things with the kids that he would never dream of doing or would end in a fight if I asked him to do, he is talking excitedly about our “future” as if our conversation never happened. I am putting all my ducks in a row and getting a plan together to separate for good.

Thanks ☺️ I don’t have an inheritance but this is excellent advice thank you.

He's doing everything he can to placate you and keep you sweet. When he feels he has won you over and you trust him again he will tighten his grip so that you can never escape.

He doesn’t know I’m seeking external advice, I have asked housing for advice and apparently as both of our names are on the tenancy - the one moving out would have to write to the HA to request for their name to be removed from the tenancy. I can’t see him doing that without a fight.

He’s even sent my parents gifts this week and bought me small gifts too. I see through this luckily.