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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being upset at what DP said to his friend?

393 replies

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:26

DP is asleep on the sofa and his phone was next to me charged up. He kept getting messages from his best friend, like one every second saying “reply quick” so I went onto the messages to see if it was anything serious so I could tell DP.

Long story short I’ve just read a conversation that went like this.

His friend “how was Amsterdam, did you go to the red light district” (we went amsterdam last week week)
DP “yeah there were so many fit birds there”
His friend “There is isn’t there🤣”
DP “yeah I’m so glad I went with (my name) otherwise I’d be skint🤣”

Ive come upstairs because I am fuming. He’s still asleep downstairs and I know when I mention it to him he will say he was joking. But would anyone else take it as a joke? Am I over thinking and just put it down to lads having “banter”

OP posts:
summerOnes · 16/06/2024 20:29

@LondonFox No I am not bothered that he found them attractive and you seriously think it’s ok that if I wasn’t there in Amsterdam with him then he’d cheat on me? Wow

OP posts:
Meetingofminds · 16/06/2024 20:30

I wish I could say I had holiday envy but that sounds like a HIDEOUS weekend away. What is wrong with Rome or Florence or somewhere romantic and civilised?? Sounds absolutely grim!!!

Carbrer · 16/06/2024 20:30

Disturbia81 · 16/06/2024 20:25

No... just the creeps with simple brains.
They really aren't all like this. "It's just lads banter" 🤢 Christ raise your low standards.

Yep, a few posters seem to be judging all men/what is acceptable on their own low standards.

Oh those poor men, looking at a se l, worker means you MUST consider having sex with them, how strong those who hold themselves back must be!

Disturbia81 · 16/06/2024 20:31

@ActivePeony Definitely a bloke. It's so obvious.

Shan5474 · 16/06/2024 20:31

I don’t think jokes about cheating are that funny generally but joking that your wife’s presence is the only thing stopping you cheating with sex workers is pretty sleazy. Finding people attractive is fine but I wouldn’t be ok with that last bit no matter who this “lad” was “bantering” with

Howbizarre22 · 16/06/2024 20:32

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Are you trying to say that if he went to Amsterdam with his mates he would not pay for sex? Yeh right.

BlueBellsArePretty · 16/06/2024 20:33

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 20:08

You are showing your true colours now... you are not getting the answers and support you were hoping for... I see you don't answer any questions about why you were both in the red light district... you wanted everyone to support you and not everyone is.. your replies are now telling a bigger story x I wish you and you're insecurities well

@beckybarefoot

Hey cool girl, wanted to ask are you being literal or ironic with your name?

Disturbia81 · 16/06/2024 20:33

@Carbrer Yep they have bars lower than a snakes belly, or are men coming on to justify the sleazy behaviour.

ActivePeony · 16/06/2024 20:34

Disturbia81 · 16/06/2024 20:33

@Carbrer Yep they have bars lower than a snakes belly, or are men coming on to justify the sleazy behaviour.

This. ☝

Disturbia81 · 16/06/2024 20:34

@beckybarefoot Actually most people are in support of OP.

Howbizarre22 · 16/06/2024 20:35

UnbelievableLie · 16/06/2024 20:19

So many posters defending "lad banter" clearly explains the amount of women on here starting threads about their shitty partners. Raise your bars and address your internalised misogyny 🙄

I suspect they are men. A lot on MN these days masquerading

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 20:35

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 20:37

@Howbizarre22 ... I am sure that 'some' men might, a small minority perhaps... but men on the whole I don't believe it! I believe men look, and they joke.. they probably do it on a night out round their home town too.. no more or less than woman! Women are also guilty of looking at other men and yes cheating... shock horror!

On this occasion I do believe the OP is over reacting... she snooped, didn't like what she saw and now has to have a reason to be angry at him so he can't come at her for going through his phone... is this gaslighting? I'm sure someone will correct me...

BlueBellsArePretty · 16/06/2024 20:37

Also those deriding the OP for being in the proximity to the red light district should know that it's not got a big sign saying 'welcome to the red light district' quite easy to wander into it, especially if you're stoned like I was.

Howbizarre22 · 16/06/2024 20:39

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Value his own sexual health too much? What about value his partner?
I think there truth to his “banter” and being that sort he is probably like you say- doing similar other places- these places are everywhere because so many men do this. Men are gross sorry.

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 20:40

@BlueBellsArePretty ... it's a name used on a paid website many many years ago... a past life, a different person now but a pretty cool name eh

butterpuffed · 16/06/2024 20:43

Gymnopedie · 16/06/2024 19:37

And no respectable married woman, in a bar with her equally respectable married friend, has ever looked at a fit bloke and asked 'I would, would you?'

No , heaven forbid . It never happens in MN either when certain actors' names come up 😅

Howbizarre22 · 16/06/2024 20:44

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 20:37

@Howbizarre22 ... I am sure that 'some' men might, a small minority perhaps... but men on the whole I don't believe it! I believe men look, and they joke.. they probably do it on a night out round their home town too.. no more or less than woman! Women are also guilty of looking at other men and yes cheating... shock horror!

On this occasion I do believe the OP is over reacting... she snooped, didn't like what she saw and now has to have a reason to be angry at him so he can't come at her for going through his phone... is this gaslighting? I'm sure someone will correct me...

Extremely naive. Men statistically cheat far more than women it’s not an equal amount -and regarding the likelihood OPs partner would use those prostitues if she wasn’t there? I’d say pretty damn likely you are v naive. The sheer prevalence of brothels across every corner of every city now proves the high demand is there. What you think most of these men are single? 🤣

mrsdineen2 · 16/06/2024 20:44

If he really wanted to pay for sex in your absence he sadly wouldn't have to go to Amsterdam to do so. Do you honestly think he's availed of any of the sex workers in this country?

But you got what you deserved for snooping.

BlueBellsArePretty · 16/06/2024 20:45

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 20:40

@BlueBellsArePretty ... it's a name used on a paid website many many years ago... a past life, a different person now but a pretty cool name eh

Hopefully the man in your life doesn't think it's uncool for you to wear shoes now.

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 20:46

@Howbizarre22 ... show me those statistics please?

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 20:47

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Valeriekat · 16/06/2024 20:48

Boreoffwithyournakedpics · 16/06/2024 16:29

I'd be annoyed with you if I was him. It's a crappy joke. Do you always read his messages?

Men seem to be stalking Mumsnet recently.

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 20:48

@BlueBellsArePretty oh Lordy! You will be saddened to know that my pretty very well manicured toe nails now are almost always in socks and slippers 😂😂😂😂... and your comments could start a while thread of their own and I can only assume your are male to even understand the connotations behind the name

Valeriekat · 16/06/2024 20:49

Tandora · 16/06/2024 16:40

your partner is disgusting.

WTF is with all the women on this thread saying it’s a joke?! So it’s ok to joke about buying women as if they were a piece of steak in the supermarket. This is fucking rank, violent misogyny.

Having said that you were wrong to look on his phone.

What makes you think they are women?