To want to ask my ND partner to tone it down without upsetting him?

[CallyT]

I'm technically neurotypical but would say I have some signs of being on the spectrum. My partner was diagnosed as a child. He has a great job and a couple of close friends and very close to family. I have lots of friends I socialize with and am also close to family.

My partner has a tendency, from time to time, to talk too much. On our first holiday recently I gently told him that I need quiet time as well. He respected this and either left me to read/do my own thing or sat with me quietly.

However when I recently introduced him to family all that seemed to go out the window. He dominated the conversation at least 60% of the time and when we came in from a long day where we had a lull before dinner, I settled down with a book only to find him talking the ear off my family again. It stressed me out because I just wanted to chill for that hour and I think my family did too but we're too polite to say.

Overall he did ask family thoughtful questions from things I told him so I feel there's room for improvement as they seemed to like him although the review was 'very chatty'. How do I bring this up without upsetting him?

No, that's a fair enough post. I'm just fed up of the consistent ableism from a lot of other posts

It is helpful in my opinion.
How are people supposed to know exactly how much they should talk and when etc.
Part of loving someone is accepting them for who they are.
What happens if you criticise someone and they then start pointing out your faults.
It's not a very good road to go down.

Did you mean to type 'DS'?

This isn’t unusual between spouses- it’s common to use body language in social settings to support and advise each other on our conduct. Eg a gesture if you’re speaking too much and dominating the conversation, a subtle head shake if you’re about to share something you shouldn’t, a finger to their face to show you if you have a smudge of food on yours, a frown if you made a faux pas, a raised eyebrow in solidarity if someone else at the table is annoying, a reassuring smile if you’re not having a good time, a nod towards the door if it’s time to go….

Many long term relationships develop these gestures over time. It’s part of being a couple. And especially if one party has lower social or emotional intelligence, isn’t as adept at reading the room or other people.