To ask how to potty train a resistant 3 year old?

[MissScarletInTheBallroom]

Yes I know there is a topic for this but there's next to no traffic and people who have already cracked this and moved on probably aren't looking at it.

My DS turned three a couple of months ago. We have tried potty training several times with no luck so far.

He is starting school in September and HAS to be trained by then. There is no other option. I have taken tomorrow and Tuesday off work so we are on day 2 of a four day window dedicated to cracking this and it's getting worse, not better. I don't have any other holiday other than the last two weeks of August which we have booked off to go on an actual holiday and will be completely ruined if we have to spend it hanging around the holiday accommodation doing potty training.

I'm at my wits' end.

He doesn't want to sit on the potty.

He withholds for hours on end.

He gets increasingly angry and fed up and wants to go outside and play. Eventually I give in and we go outside and it's only a matter of time before he pees or poos in his pants.

Please help.

Toilet Training in Less than a Day, by Azrin and Fox, might help greatly.

It's a how-to manual.

You need to be able to devote about a week to intensive training, and be mentally ready to ditch nappies from the first day of using the potty/ loo.

And bribery works well too.

I'm not sure how many times I need to say this, but we tried the staying inside thing the second time. It didn't work.

Today we also stayed inside all day.

He didn't pee until lunchtime and didn't poo all day.

No accidents, but he clearly hates staying inside with no pants on.

The Oh Crap method isn’t about ‘staying inside’, it’s just about a period of time observing them so you learn their habits/behaviour and can help them ‘click’ the feeling of needing to go with having to go to the potty. As they start to wee you carry to potty and say ‘we go in the potty’ over and over until they can join the dots. If you’re on your phone and miss it, you’ve missed the opportunity, if they only go a couple times a day then you’ve wasted the whole day at home for nothing.

You’re just doing this stage enough times that they can understand - for most kids this is literally only a day! And by aged 3 you’d think they would get that pretty quickly.

There’s then no issue with going out once you’re convinced they’ve understood and can recognise the feeling of needing to go. It’s fine to then go out, take a portable potty with you, and when you see them show the signs of needing to go you can then prompt them. You then don’t make them sit all the time, just at transition times (Ie before leaving to go out or get in car etc).

You say you’ve been following it to the letter, but you were on mumsnet by 10:30am so clearly not following the guidance fully if you’re still on stage 1. The point of this is being super observant so you can recognise signs. It’s intense but thankfully doesn’t last forever if done properly. Once you are able to recognise these signs there’s no harm in going out. (For lots of boys it’s starting to hold their Willy but each child different)

it’s not abnormal to not need the loo until lunch time. It’s why oh crap suggests upping fluid intake for the first day whilst trying to get it to click, but thereafter it’s helpful that they have bladder control.

it’s also ok for them to have accidents whilst they’re learning - very few kids learn straight away and never wet themselves again.

well done for sticking with it - please don’t undo all the hard work by quitting tomorrow. Keep up with it ! You’ll be so happy once he’s got it.

Mine are 15 and 16 now, so been a while. I trained my DS at 2.5yr. I told him his baby sister needed the nappies and he wasn’t a baby was he? Then we chose the pants he wanted together. Also got Daddy to show him how big boys go toilet so he could copy and be like his dad. Might work with you having DD too by saying she’s a baby you’re not , you don’t need nappies. Then we did the hard bit of staying home for about 4 days but got it done. My two are 16 months apart so was hard. It’s a distant memory now!
Try not to stress easy to say I know. Kids pick up on our stress and then push back and may make them more stubborn. Good luck

Hope today has been better. He will get there. You are doing a great job, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Just keep going, I always found consistency was the key to parenting. Parenting is always hard but it’s always worth it.

He is at home with his dad today.

I got a video call at work so he could announce that he had done a very very large poo.

(In his new fire engine potty.)

💀

I've never been more happy to be at work.

Great news! Sometimes it’s a new potty they really like that cracks it. For mine it was the big toilet with a lift up seat and stairs. Hope it goes from strength to strength for you all.

And I hope your colleagues couldn’t hear the call! 😂💩💩💩

They heard every word.

First of all, I'd sit him on the toilet rather than the potty.

Instead of insisting he sits on it regularly wait until he has an accident, don't change him straight away, wait a few minutes and he will soon realise that it doesn't feel nice. Then say next time we'll go to the toilet....and offer rewards for wees/poos on the loo. It can take a week or 2.

😂😂😂

What’s shaming about telling a child they are a getting older and don’t need nappies any more? I see it as positive parenting by teaching a child to take control of their toileting habits as soon as they are able to understand. It’s no different to encouraging children to walk, talk or feed themselves.

What’s shameful about being a baby?

Obvs there are other causes of incontinence but I’m going to confuse a three year old if I into disability chats so ‘nappies are for babies and bigger kids don’t wear them’ is just….true. Nothing shaming about it. Babies can’t have chocolate buttons either but some three year olds can…

We’ll have to agree to disagree, I think it’s perfectly possible to explain that nappies are not a thing for bigger kids, they’re for babies, without there being any shame in it.

‘baby’ is used disparagingly by older kids and adults for sure, but I don’t expect that to have made it into a toddlers language understanding yet.

For anyone who is interested, he didn't have any accidents on Tuesday with me or yesterday with his dad, and today he is back at nursery. I just called them and no accidents so far today either and has used the toilet a few times. However, he has had a nappy on just for his nap, and had peed in it quite a lot apparently. I think he finds it easier to let go at naptime when he knows he is safe and has a nappy on.

Overall I think it's clear that he knows how to use the potty/toilet but just needs to build up his confidence. I'm hoping that when he feels happier about using it he will go more freely in the morning and evening and pee less in his nappy when he is asleep.

I think we'll continue like this until nursery closes for summer and then over the holidays we'll work on trying to get rid of the nappy at naptime before he starts school (they nap in the afternoons for the first year).

We'll try to get on solid ground with daytime and daytime naps before we tackle nighttime.

That's great news OP. I think nighttime is more developmental and some kids are dry sooner than others.

Really pleased to say you’ve made so much progress. Honestly, I found potty training and 11+ prep the two worst bits of the whole parenting experience. Everything is better than those days of puddles and pooey pants! Good luck with getting rid of nappies at nap time.

Great news, OP. One step at a time! Perhaps see how it goes with the next couple of weeks with nap time, and leave night time for another day!

That’s really good to hear!

Pleased to hear this, well done OP.