To ask how to potty train a resistant 3 year old?

[MissScarletInTheBallroom]

Yes I know there is a topic for this but there's next to no traffic and people who have already cracked this and moved on probably aren't looking at it.

My DS turned three a couple of months ago. We have tried potty training several times with no luck so far.

He is starting school in September and HAS to be trained by then. There is no other option. I have taken tomorrow and Tuesday off work so we are on day 2 of a four day window dedicated to cracking this and it's getting worse, not better. I don't have any other holiday other than the last two weeks of August which we have booked off to go on an actual holiday and will be completely ruined if we have to spend it hanging around the holiday accommodation doing potty training.

I'm at my wits' end.

He doesn't want to sit on the potty.

He withholds for hours on end.

He gets increasingly angry and fed up and wants to go outside and play. Eventually I give in and we go outside and it's only a matter of time before he pees or poos in his pants.

Please help.

Needs to be naked from waste down. Let him sit on toilet if he doesn't like the potty.

it's just in pants instead.

We had a few that couldn't get to smell right after - that was DS - so in end bought loads of cheap pants and if really bad just threw them out.

Lots of accidents is normal and few years time this will all be a horrible but vague memory.

Reward chart? Worked well when we trained my older son. Also solidarity as my younger child is now 3 and screams when we saw the potty.

But he really wants to go to school with his big brother, but I kindly explained not until he learns to sit on the toilet.

I haven't called you disgraceful or any other names. I didn't say you couldn't read either. I suggested you struggled with understanding what you are reading.

That sounds really stressful, op,with the pressure of school in September. I have 4 children, and although I've never read the 'oh crap' method, I think I followed the basics of this, from what I've heard about it. It worked for 3 of mine, but not so well for 1 of them. At first I stressed about it, but then I forced myself to make the active decision not to stress, and I just did the following instead...

I just told him that we were throwing away the nappies and would be wearing pull-ups instead. I carried on with normal life, which like you, involved lots of time spent out the house. I just took him to the toilet every hour on the dot, the same at home or when we were out. If he managed to produce even a tiny wee, he'd get a choc button. If he'd wet/dirtied his pull-ups already, I just changed him with no fuss, and got him to sit on the potty/toilet for a minute. I didn't ask him to stay there long, just a couple of minutes, and he got the choc button if it was successful. I'd chat to him a lot about it all too. If he'd already done a wee in his pull-ups, I'd just lightly say 'oh that's a shame, you could have saved it for the potty and had a button', but I didn't get stressed about it. Eventually, bit by bit, he did more and more wees etc on the potty, and fewer and fewer wees in his pull-ups.

A few people disapproved of doing it this way, and said it would confuse him, and we should just lose the pull-ups, but honestly, it didn't confuse him. He learned that way, and it didn't take too long at all. It took the stress out of it all when the usual method hadn't really worked.

If your ds is withholding until he naps, don't worry. It shows he's capable of holding it in, which is a great sign of bladder control! Just stick the pull-up on him, and don't worry. You have three months. You could try what I suggest, and then re-evaluate in a month. He could be doing really well by then! Tell his nursery what you are doing, so they can stick to the same method.

Haha ok. Disgraceful is precisely the word you used but don’t worry; I’m not offended.

Neither am I concerned that a stranger on the internet has queried my powers of comprehension.

Can you quote where I used the word disgraceful? Are you getting me mixed up with someone else?

Poster is getting confused.

I called her comment disgraceful.

THAT IS NORMAL - isn’t it day 1? Adjust your expectations and train him.

You’re being melodramatic. Poo accidents happen when they are learning, it’s not his fault and the drama and stress you are making around it is seriously in danger of putting him right off even trying. Trust me you do not want a poo withholding, constipated child who eventually needs years of laxatives.

Buy cheap pants and bin them if you have to. But accidents and cleaning them up go with the territory of potty training children and the bigger deal you make of it the more miserable you’re going to make yourself.

We did a version of this and it worked very well. Zero confusion and very little mess and stress. Just "well done, we made it!" or "oh no! You'll get it next time."

Yep, you did, pretty embarrassing for you to be honest.

@Muthaofcats you're the one who should be embarrassed about your awful attitude towards a struggling mother.

It's normal. Why are you reacting so badly to it? Just clean him up, put pants and trousers in a bucket if the poo was runny and ask him to do it in the potty next time.

Potty training is the worst. I have three children and have been parenting for eight years and it is the thing I have hated most. A couple of minor ideas, just in case they haven’t been mentioned already.
Poo Goes Home to Pooland really did help my boys. They loved the idea of sending the poo home. I know you don’t do screens, but it is the most low-budget thing you’ve ever seen, and sometimes needs must.
Apparently blowing helps to release the bladder, so if he’s had a lot to drink, it’s been a while and you think he’s holding it, try getting him to blow bubbles while sitting on the toilet. Then you can praise like crazy. Plus, bubbles are fun, so might help to get him on the toilet in the first place.
Best of luck. I’m sure the teenage years will be hard, but I’m forever grateful that I’ll never have to potty train again.

What exactly is it that I said that you’ve taken against so strongly ?

Exactly all of this. It’s not really trying the method if your husband convinced you to leave the house on day 2.

Weird, but has he got any hareem trousers? Mine was trained quite quickly, but for a few months, every time we put him in pants (knickers), he peed in them. I think because the pressure felt more nappy-like.

He was in hareem trousers for about 2 months while going comando, and every week I'd try pants for a day, where he'd wet himself again.

Then we did a long haul flight, so put him in nappies the whole time and when we arrived, he spent 3 days peeing on the floor. It wasn't until we got back from the trip - so nearly 4 months later, that we put him in underwater (his preschool was confused- they asked if it was a 'cultual thing' that he wasn't wearing underwear as we live in a different continent).

You can buy baby hareem pants on amazon, I think.

He hasn't, he usually wears joggers or shorts. I'll have a look, thank you.

Agree with you. I was understanding to OP, having had a child that had severe constipation and was difficult to potty train and still regularly wets the bed at age 5. But from recent updates it's clear OP hasn't given this a proper go and expects it to happen magically overnight!

Yes, it's gross to clean up poo but it's what we sign up for having kids. Mine at 5 leaks poo every few months when she has an extreme constipation episode, and I'd never react by swearing about it in frustration. It's gross but not that big a deal, and probably a lot worse and embarrassing for the child it happens to!

I did follow it to the letter.

We stayed in for several days and all that happened was we all ended up climbing the walls.

How many times do I need to explain to you people that I tried your beloved Oh Crap method before and it did not work for my child?

But to give you the benefit of the doubt, we're trying again.

Today we have stayed in all morning. Naked from the waist down. He's drunk plenty of fluid. We've played. We've read books. We've watched videos. He's sat on the toilet. He's sat on the potty. We've watched Poo Goes to Poo Land. We've watched George Pig is potty training. We've watched Fireman Sam. We've ignored the whole thing and just played games. It's 11:30 am and he has not done a single pee or poo.

Now what?

Keep going it typically takes 10-14 days of consistency. Keep inside, keep tension low and roll with it. That is what is required there are no short cuts.

To be fair you said you went out in day 2 before. Most of us have found you need to stay in stay the course. You need to wipe previous experience from your mind.

Clean slate lots of positive encouragement and no fuss when accidents happen and they will happen. You didn't just get in a car and drive or pick up a book and suddenly read. It took practice, mistakes happened and patience is mandatory.

Just keep gently asking if he needs a wee or a poo (I said in my previous post that I asked mine every 10mins, literally) and he had to sit on the potty every 30mins whilst I read a book.
If he doesn’t go that’s absolutely fine, thank him for trying and move on to a new activity. If he has an accident, also absolutely fine. It’s a learning process and they feel very vulnerable at this time. Stay calm and relentlessly positive about the whole thing and eventually a thimbleful of wee might reach the potty, cue celebration and praise! He needs to see that you aren’t tense or stressed about it, then he can relax about it too.

I'd agree keep at it and try and keep calm despite the pressure you're clearly feeling.

However if you can't get the time off then you will have to tackle the nursery again- we had spectacularly unhelpful preschool and nursery placements so I understand how frustrating it can be.