To ask how to potty train a resistant 3 year old?

[MissScarletInTheBallroom]

Yes I know there is a topic for this but there's next to no traffic and people who have already cracked this and moved on probably aren't looking at it.

My DS turned three a couple of months ago. We have tried potty training several times with no luck so far.

He is starting school in September and HAS to be trained by then. There is no other option. I have taken tomorrow and Tuesday off work so we are on day 2 of a four day window dedicated to cracking this and it's getting worse, not better. I don't have any other holiday other than the last two weeks of August which we have booked off to go on an actual holiday and will be completely ruined if we have to spend it hanging around the holiday accommodation doing potty training.

I'm at my wits' end.

He doesn't want to sit on the potty.

He withholds for hours on end.

He gets increasingly angry and fed up and wants to go outside and play. Eventually I give in and we go outside and it's only a matter of time before he pees or poos in his pants.

Please help.

Not trying to be mean in any way. Ridiculous comment. The OP is asking for guidance and then shooting down every practical suggestion.

OP keeps returning to the fact she has a job as reason not to dedicate time and focus to potty training. Not going on holiday or taking unpaid leave is exactly what families in the same boat do.

Juggling work alongside children’s needs becomes increasingly difficult as they get older. It does require a change in perspective or practical arrangements if it’s not all just going to feel miserable the whole time. That isn’t me trying to be mean, it’s something we all have to contend with as working parents.

if you truly find my comments on this ‘disgraceful’ I would urge you to look at some of the things written in the ‘conflict in the middle east’ board denying rape or making racist comments about minority groups for some perspective.

Suggesting potty training takes time and focus is hardly antagonising someone.

It was all the people mollifying her that got her into difficulty last time. Being told shes doing everything right or just to give up hasn’t helped her previously. So suggesting an alternative approach is done with only good intentions; seems it isn’t having that effect so I will leave it there and hope OP doing the same thing for the Nth time suddenly bears different results (!)

My husband bought the Gina Ford book when I finally lost it with him for not supporting me with the Oh Crap method when he didn't have any alternative ideas. I'll give it a read tonight. (In my second language but oh well.)

Reading comprehension is clearly an issue here. The OP is currently dedicating 6 days to focus on potty training. She has not been on holiday at all so far.

Also I didn't see you offering any helpful new ideas - everything you suggested has already been said in the thread by other people (albeit mostly in a nicer and more supportive tone)

As for comparing with rape in the middle east that really is sinking to a whole new low.

Fuck, he's just had another poo accident. This is fucking dreadful.

I rate GF over Oh Crap too. It’s a bit old fashioned eg talk of videoing programmes from TV for them to watch but otherwise it’s a sensible no nonsense approach. Whilst Oh Crap clearly works for some, and that’s great, it doesn’t for all and the author clearly doesn’t know it all because there’s a chapter on night training which is next level batshittery. And you’ve been there, done that, it’s not for you guys so ignore anyone repeating the same or telling you to get a time machine etc. I also hear you on the time constraints. I had 10 days annual leave when we were training DD!! It it hadn’t been for lockdown I genuinely don’t know how we would have done it as daycare were not particularly helpful.

You just do the best you can, accept there will be accidents, take spares and wipes out everywhere with you and bulk buy cheap pants so you can chuck them if they’re super gross! DS has been trained for over a year and we get a wee accident about every 3 weeks- there was 1 today at nursery. A lot kids have them occasionally up to reception age so 4/5. Whilst the school might be insisting on ‘trained’ they won’t be expecting perfection from an incoming class of 3YOs so don’t stress about that. From him all you need to get to is a willingness to use the toilet and to try, and it sounds like you’re making fab progress if you’ve had 2 hits and 1 miss so far today. Just don’t give up!! I’m also glad DH is getting on board and that it (hopefully!) won’t all be on you going forwards.

Has anyone suggested bribery? (Haven't rtft)
My DD was a refuser. I promised her a scooter.
She finally cracked it in the summer before she was due to start pre-school in the autumn.

If you wouldn’t mind terribly, I’d be ever so grateful if you could take a moment to explain what it is that you’re personally getting out of berating the OP? It’s such a weird thing to come on here for the first time in ages and see such pointless unpleasantness - having largely deserted MN for months because it’s grim coming on and observing such pointless unpleasantness! OP has made it very clear she’s invested lots of time in potty training, yet here you are telling her she hasn’t. So weird.

Stop potting training....I know you say you not got much time but you just making it worse. Throw away the potty as child got bad image of it. When you restart you go straight to the toilet with a special seat. Give it a break of two weeks or so then go shopping for pants ...dc chooses the pants. On a dry day in the uk put dc in the new pants hopefully with paw patrol, Peppa or whatever child likes. Go outside and play. Get child favourite chocolate etc. Say a wee or poo gets two chocolate buttons etc. reward for any tiny amount of wee. Good luck. You still got time x

Stay strong with the poo accidents OP, I know it's really horrible.

Not the end of the world. It’s training. There are going to be accidents. You’d be cleaning it up anyway if he was in a nappy and if it’s a real mess then honestly get the nail scissors and cut the pants off at the side and bin them. IDK what timezone you’re on but it’s lunchtime here and there’s a reflex thing that makes it likely you’ll get a poo 30-60 minutes after eating. So you could get him on the potty/toilet in that window and have him sit for 15-20 minutes, using TV is Gina Ford approved even if she hasn’t caught up with streaming and suggests a video, and there’s a decent chance you’ll get lucky. Apparently blowing bubbles can also help, something to do with the stomach muscles. Also it makes sitting there fun!

Yes I did, Jesus. Please go away if you can't be bothered to read.

Not sure if anyone has mentioned this but Toilet Training in Less Than A Day worked for all 3 of mine.

You need a doll that pees and tbh it sounds ridiculous, but it does work.

Its a shift in perspective - you don’t praise them for going to the loo, you praise them for keeping their pants dry.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Toilet-Training-Less-Than-Day/dp/0671693808/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=12HO3HEGUS759&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.d67B3XCwFhZk2thtzTTUq2kr3aYUWD5hddNqdmO8NRoO1VvkK8GAeXGY3g_33I8KUh6-AF8QUVF2JmLBKM1m-aIRvy0p7OntiD-CBVxIFZ9lPbUSOJ0Bn-LU1zYTuqgMGr3S0YEOvZmgc62k7tq0pbtkq4C99IIuSJL_rFBAccyIH-EPlcW9wS5d_BqzmLhgwGf620erJ6rm-7hThNkPhQ.XjLRoQC0PhQ2EF--XkrFwYWHWMMNVyKh3aW2xZt8jF0&dib_tag=se&keywords=toilet+training+in+less+than+a+day&qid=1718626445&sprefix=toilet+training+in%2Caps%2C95&sr=8-1

Please try not to worry when poo accidents happen.. we clean their bottoms when they're in nappies, it's just in pants instead.

I would always ask him to empty the pants into the toilet, assist in showering his bottom (or baby wipes if not at home) all of that calmly - but means him taking time out of his play etc to put poo in the toilet, flush it, clean himself up, put the pants and possibly trousers in the washing machine. It gets annoying to the child to have to do those things which can help in them thinking to just get the poo in the toilet in the first place - and in the meantime him practicing cleaning his bottom/reaching etc will help with the next step - that being him wiping himself properly once the poos are all on the toilet! As the schools don't generally assist in that area so using the poo accidents to teach him cleaning his bottom at least starts to kill that skill in when it's at the messiest so he can find it a doddle when it's a normal cleaner toilet affair

It's ok. It's normal. Disgusting but normal. Please don't despair.

Thank you I will look into this.

Hi
Potty trained my DS at 2y9 using the following strategies!

1. read lots of books about potty training for weeks beforehand
2. practised pulling trousers and pants off and back on again independently as well as how we wash our hands independently
3. talked about which potty he would like and then went and collected it together. Also chose some pants he wanted and he handed them over at the till etc. to give a sense of ownership over the whole thing.
4. drew a reward chart with every 3rd square coloured in. I explained that every time he got a bit of wee or poop in the potty we’d colour in a square and when a we reached a shaded square he got a prize (hot wheels car etc). Even if 75% of poop was in pants we still coloured in if a tiny bit got in the potty! It’s all about relaxed positivity! Ended up having about 3 charts over 2/3 weeks with “prize intervals” getting more spaced out and then naturally trailed off.
5. We stayed in for 2 full days and I had the potty close by at all times. I made sure to get in crafts and fun indoor activities to make the days fun. I asked him if he needed a wee or poo literally every 10mins to the extent I had a headache at the end of day 1 lol but it worked. He had to try sitting on the potty at least every 30 mins and we read a book when he did. Clapping and joy at the tiniest success and pretty much ignoring the accidents. Just saying “oh dear, we can’t win them all, try again next time” and move on.
6. No turning back, the nappies are gone now and that’s that. Worked for us so hopefully some of that helps. It is doable. Good luck!

You called me disgraceful. It’s a bit of a leap.

I was pointing out that the OP says she’s followed an approach but it doesn’t sound like she ever actually did from what she describes of her past experiences so I have suggested she look at it again if she’s struggling.

I wonder why this has wound you up so much that you’re calling me names and suggesting I can’t read.

Potty training is the worst. The worst. My two pence worth is follow your gut. You're his mum and know best. Oh crap is bollocks ime. With my eldest we just had to force it through to get the job done. Pure hell. Personally I think the idea of 'readiness' is also bollocks. Massive sympathy that you have such an early deadline to get it done! We had to have ours done by 3 which we mostly did......with accidents. It was haaaaarrrrd.

Please don’t act disgusted or stressed every time he poos; it’s going to create loads of shame and issues around a perfectly normal bodily function. This all seems so angsty, even to the extent people on the internet trying to help are being called names in relation to their advice. It would be impossible that all this pressure wasn’t transferring onto him.

you suggested your husband has some time off in august, might he be a better shout ? He seemed to be suggesting he knew better last time so perhaps will relish the opportunity to sort it himself?

Honestly stop.

Go and talk to the school. Tell them that there is a very real possibility that your DS - a tiny child - will not be potty-trained by the time he starts and you expect them to put in place measures to ensure that he can access education alongside all the other children, that it is not a "rocky start" for him and that his privacy and dignity are respected. He will not be the first child to be in this position. You are wasting precious time with him being stressed and anxious when you should just be enjoying your lovely boy.

I remember with my second that some Buzz Lightyear underpants that he could wear if he kept them dry was an incentive.

We had tried the doll thing while Mummy and Daddy cooed about the clever doll you fed water who then drained water into the potty. This worked for the first but the second looked at us as if we were crazed and picked up the doll off the potty, squeezed the bottle into the potty and then sat the doll back on the potty. Might be worth a try though along with salty food and lots of water.

This is probably not PC but my mother told our youngest that big boys don't use potties. This seemed to have some effect because for ages after we went past the nappy aisle in the supermarket he'd hiss that big boys don't wear nappies.

We struggled on and one day while washing my hands, at the age of three he came into the bathroom, clambered on to the loo (we left a smaller loo seat on top for him and a step thing to step up on) sat down, did the whole business, wiped, flushed and washed his hands before leaving. I was astonished and willing to pray to whatever deity was responsible. He was day trained from that moment. I think it helps that they have clothes that are easy to get down like sweat pants rather than struggling with buttons and zips. Also keep the potty/child seat available so they can get to it themselves rather than you bringing it out when they tell you they need it.