To ask how to potty train a resistant 3 year old?

[MissScarletInTheBallroom]

Yes I know there is a topic for this but there's next to no traffic and people who have already cracked this and moved on probably aren't looking at it.

My DS turned three a couple of months ago. We have tried potty training several times with no luck so far.

He is starting school in September and HAS to be trained by then. There is no other option. I have taken tomorrow and Tuesday off work so we are on day 2 of a four day window dedicated to cracking this and it's getting worse, not better. I don't have any other holiday other than the last two weeks of August which we have booked off to go on an actual holiday and will be completely ruined if we have to spend it hanging around the holiday accommodation doing potty training.

I'm at my wits' end.

He doesn't want to sit on the potty.

He withholds for hours on end.

He gets increasingly angry and fed up and wants to go outside and play. Eventually I give in and we go outside and it's only a matter of time before he pees or poos in his pants.

Please help.

How many times has the OP explained that what you are pushing hasn’t worked, but you keep repeating it will work @Muthaofcats

The OP is not the one being difficult here. You are.

So how do people in the country you are in train their kids? Presumably you aren’t the only person in your community to have this issue?

This is mostly helpful but the "if you really won't make any more time for it" comment is quite hurtful.

I've already used about a third of my holiday allowance on this. It really isn't for lack of motivation on my part. But the number of days I can take off work is finite. And unless we cancel the first family holiday we've ever had (and the first holiday my husband and I will have been on in six years), that number of days has now run out. My husband can take a week off before our holiday in August but he will have both children at home, and that would mean stopping and starting again, which I've already been roundly criticised for. We just need to find a way of pushing through now, even though we have to go to work and he has to go to nursery. It is what it is. Those are the constraints I'm now working with. Not for want of trying on my part.

I am cursing all the people who repeatedly told me to try again when he was ready as though my annual leave allowance is infinite. And all the people now telling me I'm a shitty neglectful parent who has left it too late.

OP I don't think you've done anything wrong, you're just in a horrible pressured situation.

My kids, who are now teens, were very different to each other when it came to potty training. One refused the first time and got very distressed, to the point where we stopped. Then they announced at age 3 that they wanted to wear pants, and from that day basically never had an accident.

The other was ready to try earlier, but had accidents for a lot longer.

It's very hard to know how much is physical development and how much emotional or toddler stubbornness isn't it! Definitely some kids just aren't ready until later and then it's really stressful for parents when all the other kids seem to have mastered it.

He will get there in the end but I really feel for you with this school situation. If it's any help I don't think other 3 year olds will care or remember if he has accidents in school, and at this age they develop so quickly and I think generally pick up those sorts of skills faster once they put their minds to it.

Good luck!

@MissScarletInTheBallroom sorry you’re getting so much crap (aha) - just wanted to add another sympathetic voice, and share some suggestions that worked with a very headstrong little girl.

After a few failed attempts, it turned out she didn’t like sitting on a low-back potty as it was uncomfortable/felt unstable. So I got a high-back potty (the BabyBjorn one). And then I got a few more of them, because it turned out that having accidents while she was en route to the potty had really put her off trying to go on the potty - so having a potty in each room stopped that being a problem.

Rewards helped too.
Then she started withholding poos - she hated the feeling apparently. So I bought a few books about poo, and we read them morning and night, and after about ten days she stopped being uncomfortable about pooing, as she’d learned everyone does it in the right place for them (and that, for people, that’s the potty or toilet).

I must admit that I did express slight disappointment when she went in a nappy/pullups instead of going on the potty - I’d say a little “Oh no” or “Oh dear” ahead of the bit where I reminded her “we do our wees in the potty”. That did seem to concentrate her mind a bit, because it gave her something to prove to me. (Headstrong!) I know lots of advice says to be completely neutral when reminding the child where to toilet, but that neutral approach just doesn’t work for her, she needs something to push back on - and her way of pushing back against my mild disappointment was to prove that actually she could wee in the potty if she wanted to. Might not work for you, but also might be worth resorting to if you have to.

Wishing you the very best for this very annoying journey xx

How about spending less time being offended and more time reading actual guidance and committing to following it ?

All the obstacles you are facing are the same as everyone has to contend with: jobs, finite leave, other children.

so your husband can take a week off before august? Why can’t he do it then? Perhaps a different adult who is less stressed about it might be helpful at this point?

if your nursery is willing to have him untrained then crack on - ours refuse to have them in pants if they keep having accidents, hence the need to really focus during the week off as I freaked out that they’d undo all my hard work and also didn’t have infinite leave to take.

I did as did anyone I knew. We gave up usually a summer or Easter break stocked up and knuckled down. Everyone else I know did the same. 🤷‍♀️

You are unfortunately under very unfair pressure and appear to have very little chance to just give this the time it needs. You and your DH need to have a gentle head wobble some parts of parenting require more time than others.

When you get over this hump I would suggest you both sit down and work out what is your plan for the inevitable illnesses when school starts. The meetings, assemblies etc. It sounds like you are isolated there. Here I am fortunate to have friends to sign post the next challenge coming at me. You need to find yours so you can plan to make your life less stressful.

I did think the same, how is Op going to deal with school and the inevitable challenges that will make potty training seem a dream in comparison?

a perspective change necessary / finding some support or taking on board guidance on forums as an alternative

Poo accidents are grim but keep going. Could he be a little constipated? I think that can affect the nerves that makes you feel the need to wee. Maybe now his bowel is emptier he might have more luck.

There is nothing as bad as potty training ! It is one of the worst aspects of parenting (the sleep deprivation is possibly worse)

Obviously not for you with your perfect potty parenting, but for normal people.

@Muthaofcats you should have a think about your motivation in posting on here. Are you trying to help or are you trying to be right?

Support is what I was looking for by posting on here. Some people on this thread seem determined to do the opposite.

If it weren't for the fact that some people are being helpful I would hide this thread but as it is I'm just having to try not to let the hurtful comments get me down too much.

Honestly the potty training alone is enough to put me off having another baby.

Where is this more time going to come from given our annual leave constraints?

Hah! It's certainly making me less broody for a third.

Haha yes.

I hope it goes well for you but just to leave you with a bit of wisdom from my mum when mine were small and we were potty training. “They all get there eventually, you don’t see many 36 year old men in nappies”. Best of luck.

I would honestly cancel the holiday it's a want the potty training is a need. But that is me.

Muthaofcats
I did think the same, how is Op going to deal with school and the inevitable challenges that will make potty training seem a dream in comparison?

a perspective change necessary / finding some support or taking on board guidance on forums as an alternative

This is just out and out mean spirited.

It's actually shameful that you think it's ok to write this on a forum for mums.

You could apply this logic to anything a mum may find challenging whilst raising her child.

You're just trying to rile the OP up. I'm going to call you out on this, it's disgraceful really.

Thank you.

Dont let it put you off more children. It’s a stage just like any other. Remember the sleep regression? You get through it. Just wait until they are teens, you will be thinking fondly of when it just was potty training! I miss mine being small now, they are in their 20’s now. Even these hard days of motherhood are special, don’t wish them away. Best of luck, you can do it.

I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if it's been suggested. The way I cracked my resistant 3 year old was to put him in trousers, but no pants. So when he wet himself it was a very obvious feeling of discomfort. And after the inevitable accidents, I made him responsible for stopping what he was doing and changing himself (spare clothes at hand)
I think the problems with pull ups, just pants, or naked from the waist down is that they still feel little or no discomfort.

And no reaction to accidents other than a brief oh dear, let's get changed.

Good luck!

You say you haven't really allowed screens (and I'm 100% with you on that) but... this might be the time to make an exception.

There are episodes of most of the kids shows that deal with potty training.

He's older, and he can hold, so your windows are going to be wider but I would try:

Put the nappy IN the potty.

Give it your best guess for when he needs to go.

Sit him on it and let him watch something. It will also give him a second source of English exposure, so there's that.

Watching will capture his attention, and you might get lucky. If nothing else, if he enjoys watching, you'll have your bribe for getting him to sit.

Wow some of these comments aimed at OP are so AWFUL.

Ignore them OP.

As for the Oh crap method. I used it with my reluctant DD, who sounds just like your son.

It also ' didn't really work '. We were just stuck in phase 1 for ages. Because of the sitting on the potty defiance and the withholding. Oh crap, doesn't really cover much about how to handle children that do this.

It would be great if there was a book, or advice for children who behave this way. I couldn't find much out there and whenever I posted here- the majority said ' not ready '. I almost fell for that BS, but decided there is just NO way that I was ' ready ' at 18 months and my DD wouldn't be ready at 2 and a half.

Anyway, just keep going OP. No turning back. It will take time, but it will work.

I found the naked from waist down worked with DD but not DS because he simply couldn't see why he couldn't just stand with his feet apart and wee on the floor 😳.

highly recommend gina ford book on this topic. it really does start with them being ready. used 3 times. 1st child sorted in a day and nappy free during naps by end of week. child 2 broke me but used gina startegy and sorted in a week. 3rd child sorted on day 1. goid luck