To think it's not right that DD(19) has a 61 year old mum

[LornaDuh]

Don't know why it's just hit me at 10.45 on a Saturday night in June.

Just feels weird that a girl not yet out of her teens has a mum over 60!

It is what it is. If you love her and gave her a lovely life what does it matter? My mum 60 when I turned 30 but she didn't love me. Not like a mum should have.

My friend was born when her mum was 42 and she was the coolest most welcoming mum. Tried very hard but it worked. Another friend’s mum had a baby at 52 entirely naturally. I’d advise someone to have babies as early as possible within reason tbh, but a lot of lives don’t work out that way and I know many ‘older’ mums whose kids are all perfectly happy and healthy.

I think whats hard is by the time your DD has any children you are likely to be into your 70s.

My own parents first grandchild arrived as they were turning 60. They were very keen to do lots, help out, spend time with children etc.

I've watched as they have been far less active and involved as grandparents to the younger children now in their 70s (no judgement on this btw). They have far more niggling health issues and struggle with travel more. They just can't manage as much.

Partly why I decided to stop fertility treatment at 40. I didn't want to have a child so old.

You are where you are op and sounds like you and your daughter have a great relationship.

This is so common these days. Really not worth worrying about.

My dh is around the same age our dc are in primary school

Age is of no consequence. Love each other while you have each other.

I am the child in that situation. I didn't mind having older parents, I had a great childhood and they were very chilled and settled when I came along. It never really crossed my mind growing up and even now with a parent who is over 80 I'm happy.

You need to think of it this way OP, if you had a smaller age gap with your child, your DD wouldn’t actually exist! She only exists BECAUSE of your age gap. Your child would have been a totally different person IYSWIM. That’s one thing that is quite amazing about life.

I am 66, my DD is 21. She never sees me as old, even though I am a lot older than her friends' mums. I am fit and, probably because I had my children later, have an active and full life.

I am 33 and one of my best friends is 53. We both have 8 year olds! She is energetic, runs half marathons, has a job she loves and is most probably way more fun than me. 🤣

I'm 64 and my youngest is 19 - adopted due to infertility though, so I had my family later than I hoped I would. But it's fine. Keeps me in touch with the younger generation more so than most of my contemporaries.

WTF?

She might have cared when she was about 7 but she won't now

I'm similar and I agree with you OP, it's ancient.
It least one good thing, there's loads of us old mums these days so we don't stand out so much.

It is our generation who have had their children older.

I had DS at 39 and decided not to have another at 40+, but my aunt got married at 36 and was "too old to have children" in the 80s
You aren't too old, but I do feel a bit odd as I am anywhere between 5 and 15 years older than DS friends' parents

Just because you can doesn't mean you should. How fucking selfish

I really appreciate all your replies.

I think it hit me this evening because I was looking at the insurance for our upcoming holiday. And there it was in black and white 61 and 19.

Ouch. I'll be 60 when my youngest is 19

Don't know why we're so hung up on age...

Would be weirder having a 35yr old mum tbh

Never bothered me as daughter or parent. Who you are, what you do is key.

Test

Well, it’s not your fault she had a child at a ludicrously young age.

I agree with this, focus on the positives if you can🌻