To think it's not right that DD(19) has a 61 year old mum

[LornaDuh]

Don't know why it's just hit me at 10.45 on a Saturday night in June.

Just feels weird that a girl not yet out of her teens has a mum over 60!

Did you have a nana nap?

It does have an impact on the teens I know with parents that are 60 or over. They are mostly embarrassed but then they are about parents anyway.

Be honest about it with your dd. It’s especially impactful if they are only children and the fear of being left alone in the world at a young age.

Some pp can pretend they look or act younger than those ten years younger, but it won’t be true, because biologically you can’t reverse your body’s aging process.

You can however build a super strong network for your child to rely on should something happen to you, and look after your health as much as you can.

Mine and my partner’s parents had us around a similar age and they are now the most amazing grandparents, with time and resources to help us immeasurably.

Each family is different, there is no right or wrong way.

I think about it a lot. I had my daughter when I was 40, she is 5 now.
I keep thinking will I be able to be there for her, for her kids one day.

I have never exercised in my life, but I have started a little bit less then a year ago because I want to be healthy for her and my son who is 5 years older as long as I can. I know nothing is guaranteed, but I'll try to do something.

One thing that consoles me is the fact that age has nothing to do with quality of mothering. My mother had me at 20 and she was a terrible parent. My father had me at 30 and he was no better.

So OP, don't think about it. Enjoy your girl, try to be healthy so you can be there for her. There is nothing else you can do.

@Tighginn A what? 😁

No, I don't think so. Just a normal Saturday morning.

As for reversing biological age, no it can't be avoided, but it is possible to avoid 30 years of no exercise, fried foods and furred arteries.

The average lifespan of a woman in the uk is more than 80. So OP's child probably has 39 years of her mum (yes, I know it's an average but that's true for everyone).

This. It's completely normal OP. I'm sure people don't care at all.

It really isn't the exception.

I became a FTM in my early 40s. I didn't plan it this way but it worked out this way.
There are plenty of advantages over having children in early 20s, as well as some disadvantages. Nothing is perfect.

@RedYellowPinkGreenPurpleOrangeBlue

It really isn't the exception in a lot of places.

I was 45 when I had ds. Most of his reception class parents were 40+. I wasn't the oldest mum at 49. There were only two in their twenties.

Buying a home is so expensive many people wait, get their mortgage & career established first.

I'll be 58 when my first born is 19! Geriatric Mum here and proud..!

My parents were young when they had me and I'm grateful . I'm 60 next year and still have both of them fit and healthy .

I don't think it's great, but it's not like you can change it. Presumably there's a reason you had her later in life, rather than just deciding on a whim that 42 was a great age, so it likely wasn't even in your hands to feel bad about.

My dad was 42 when I was born and I wish he'd been younger for many reasons. But at the same time, it's not like I'd prefer not to have been born!

My dad was 60 when I was born 🤷‍♀️

Huh? I'm 62 and my youngest just turned 19. Of my friends: one had hers (only) child at 46, another 45, and several others had kids in their early 40s. All naturally conceived. Why? For me, because I didn't meet my husband til I was 39, married at 40, first child at 41. The woman who had hers at 46 got married at 29 and had pretty much given up hope when it finally happened. A couple others it just happened that way, some had a child in their 20s then a few miscarriages before the next. Everyone did the same thing as younger mothers - played with them, ferried them around, watched all their sports - what do you think would be different?
The average age of a first time mum is now 32. This might make the grandparents a bit older, but so what? Life doesn't always happen on a schedule.

I had my child at 41. He is now 6. The youngest mums in his class are 20 years younger than me but there is a whole range of ages in between, and one ot two who I suspect might be older.

No-one seems to care how old anyone is and we all get on, although people do seem to naturally gravitate towards those of similar age. There are loads of pros and cons of having kids at any age but it's best to focus on the positives. I like the fact that my mortgage is fully paid off and I can afford to work part time while my younger mum friends have more financial stresses. On the flip side, they have a lot of support from their younger parents with childcare, while I have none.

It's something that can't be changed so don't worry about it.

It’s not ideal but lots of life isn’t ideal! In an ideal world we’d all have kids in healthy relationships at 25 with 50 yr old grandparents and 75 yr old great grandparents, but life isn’t always like that. My having babies “cut off” is 35 as I want to increase odds of a healthy pregnancy and recovery, and being able to help and enjoy DC as adults. However, sadly I have 3 friends whose parents had them in their 20s and died before my friends were 25, so there’s no guarantee.

I think it all depends on whether you act like an elderly person.

I have a similar age gap and I don’t even think about age apart from when I am talking to friends who I met through dc’s school and activities and who are 15/20 years younger than me.

Since they hit their 40s it’s like we are growing apart because they are somehow acting much older than me and don’t want to go out like we used to.

I find their idea of a night out isn’t mine and am feeling like I made friends with people who seem to have aged 40 years in the last 4

My mother was in her earlyish 20s when she had me
She was an elderly parent even then

I know what you mean. My youngest son is nineteen and I’m 62. When I was 19 my mum was 44. I do worry that I’ve deprived my kids of about twenty years of me being around. I don’t think about it a lot but now and then it crosses my mind.

Historically before birth control, women would have routinely been having their 10th or 15th child at 41

Yep, my grandma was born in 1920 and had her eighth/youngest child aged 44. My aunt was 58 when her mum/my grandma died

I had dc in very late 30s/40s

All perfectly healthy

In my NCT groups I was the younger side of the average age

It was the 3 youngest in the group (all still in their 20s, youngest 22) that had the most problems with the birth

It doesn’t matter about age or how healthy you eat or how much exercise you do
Giving birth is something else

Whist it is good to be healthy I do know from birth stories that even the young healthy and fit can have problems and the past 40, fat and unhealthy can sail through

Weird to be concerned about something you can’t change and doesn’t matter

My mum is still around at 90. My same age friend lost her mum to breast cancer at 40. Age doesn’t dictate how long you get to spend with your child.

Strange thing to worry about. I had dd at 41. It never crossed my mind just grateful to have her.

God i jave a newborn and a 2 yr old.and similar struck me yesterday.

I was thinking about her sad it is my mum doesnt have much energy for her GC (shes mad about them but over 70 and gets tired easily)
And i realised i could easily be 80 before i get GC (and may even be dead before they are born?!?!)and will probably never be an active GP to my GC.

I am sooo grateful i was even able to have them given how late i started but I wish i had known how wonderful having children is and id 💯 started sooner.

My great granny had a lot of children and had her last at 38/39. She was fit and healthy, watched all of her children grow up and lived to almost 100. None of us know when we’re going to go, don’t start beating yourself up about things you can’t control xx

I'm sorry you're having a rough time 🥰 but I completely agree with you here.

There are complexities involved in being both a young and an older parent. My Mum done both (she had me at 17 and my brother in her late 30's) Looking back there were definetley pros and cons to both.