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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not right that DD(19) has a 61 year old mum

675 replies

LornaDuh · 15/06/2024 22:47

Don't know why it's just hit me at 10.45 on a Saturday night in June.

Just feels weird that a girl not yet out of her teens has a mum over 60!

OP posts:
Original poster
LornaDuh · 15/06/2024 23:04

Apart from being bullied about it at school

How awful that must have been for you. I know that didn't happen to DD as there are loads of older parents round here.

Hope DD doesn't worry about losing me.

My mum had me at 25 and died when I was 16. Very rare disease. Dad died 12 years later because he wanted to.

OP posts:
Allmarbleslost · 15/06/2024 23:04

I don't think it's great to be honest. I have a couple of friends who have older parents and they're now trying to juggle work/young children/elderly parents. It's very stressful for them.

Alwaystired2023 · 15/06/2024 23:05

You could just rebrand yourself as 57? Just go with that, don't explain x

PrincessTeaSet · 15/06/2024 23:06

Allmarbleslost · 15/06/2024 23:04

I don't think it's great to be honest. I have a couple of friends who have older parents and they're now trying to juggle work/young children/elderly parents. It's very stressful for them.

My parents were dealing with their elderly parents when they were already in their 70s...that wasn't ideal either!

CJ0374 · 15/06/2024 23:07

OP- Your post and others on the thread just reinforces the reasons I stopped TTC in my early 40's! I TTC 12 yrs, lost 3 and could have 'tried' donor eggs or further rounds of IVF but didn't. Be grateful for what you have OP. I have no living children and never will.

montysma1 · 15/06/2024 23:08

Why give into yet another thing for women to beat themselves up over?
Nobody bats an eye at men having a child at 42.

HcbSS · 15/06/2024 23:08

She needs a mum who loves her and has her back. And that mum who had her at 42 may be in a better place to do so than when she was 21!

PrincessTeaSet · 15/06/2024 23:09

41 is a normal age to have a baby. It's less common for a first baby (although getting more so), but I know loads of people who have had a second or third (or 4th or even 6th) child in their early forties.

Historically before birth control, women would have routinely been having their 10th or 15th child at 41!

ExitPursuedByABare · 15/06/2024 23:09

@Allmarbleslost

Really?

RedYellowPinkGreenPurpleOrangeBlue · 15/06/2024 23:09

LornaDuh · 15/06/2024 22:47

Don't know why it's just hit me at 10.45 on a Saturday night in June.

Just feels weird that a girl not yet out of her teens has a mum over 60!

Yeah I do agree. And I don't think people think this through when they have babies in their early-mid 40s. You are still quite young and fit at 42 when you have a baby, but people don't seem to think ahead, and think about the fact that their child will still be at school when they're 60.

YANBU @LornaDuh But on mumsnet, you will get posters championing having babies after 41-42. I wouldn't personally.

Not much you can do about it now of course, and I'm sure everything will be fine, and your daughter loves you as much as she would if you were 15 years younger! But yeah, a 19 y.o. having a 61 year old mum is the exception rather than the rule. (Except on mumsnet where a third of the posters seem to have at least 2 babies in their 40s!)

Mumof3girlsandaboy · 15/06/2024 23:10

My younger sister is 21 and my mum is 71

x2boys · 15/06/2024 23:11

Allmarbleslost · 15/06/2024 23:04

I don't think it's great to be honest. I have a couple of friends who have older parents and they're now trying to juggle work/young children/elderly parents. It's very stressful for them.

Nothings ideal is it ?
I had my children at 33 and 36 my youngest was born with severe disabilities so I'm now 50 dealing with teens one with significant disabilities and elderly. Patents who need support
Then again my sil had her oldest child at 23 and she died suddenly at 41 leaving an 18 year old having to take care of her younger siblings.

Dramatic · 15/06/2024 23:11

LornaDuh · 15/06/2024 22:52

Her boyfriend's mum is 41.

I'm 34 and my daughter is 17, so I had her very young. However my mam was on the other end of the age spectrum and is now mid 70s, never once bothered me at all. She's an amazing mam and I don't think her being younger would have made her any better.

RedYellowPinkGreenPurpleOrangeBlue · 15/06/2024 23:12

ExitPursuedByABare · 15/06/2024 23:09

@Allmarbleslost

Really?

Why does what @Allmarbleslost said surprise you so much?

Pantaloons99 · 15/06/2024 23:13

I'm in my 40s, my child is younger. I'm seriously compromised with severe health problems.

If you have your health please stop stressing. Just enjoy it and think how great it is you are around. Anything could happen and much younger people than you will not be fulfilling their role for reasons, like me

I'm sure your dd will be absolutely fine as long as you care for your health and they see you aren't past it so to speak

Auntimabelsbudgie · 15/06/2024 23:13

LornaDuh · 15/06/2024 22:52

Her boyfriend's mum is 41.

So, she had a child at a younger age than you
Unless you are planning to be bessie mates with the boyfriend's mum but think a 20 year age gap is too much, what is the problem?

SK1973 · 15/06/2024 23:13

Found out last week that dd’s(16) best friend’s grandparents at are the same as me (51)! That made me feel like a very old parent.

Wednesdaysotherchild · 15/06/2024 23:13

If you’d had her earlier, it would have been a different egg/sperm combo and she would be an entirely different child/person.

I may be biased as I am currently pregnant at 42 and unbothered.

Original poster
LornaDuh · 15/06/2024 23:14

Alwaystired2023 · 15/06/2024 23:05

You could just rebrand yourself as 57? Just go with that, don't explain x

😂Love it!

DH is 57 so it seems fair to align myself with him.

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 15/06/2024 23:15

Just worked out that when my daughter is 19, I’ll be 59, so not that different. I just want to still be here for her, I don’t care about anything else.

CannotWaitToBeFree · 15/06/2024 23:17

My mum had me at 42, its fine.

BobbyBiscuits · 15/06/2024 23:19

My lovely mum is 85 now, I'm in my mid 40s. She's always been there for me in every way and is wonderfully supportive. I look after her a bit more now as she did so for me and still does. You've nothing to worry about.

Mysleepingangel · 15/06/2024 23:19

Hi op

My mum died at the age of 52 and I was 28.

Age doesn't mean much tbh in my opinion as technically she should've seen my children grow up and have children too perhaps.

Life's not fair but we should make the best of it while we have it x

Original poster
LornaDuh · 15/06/2024 23:20

Be grateful for what you have OP. I have no living children and never will.

I'm so sorry @CJ0374 I love DD very much and I genuinely think every day how lucky I am to have her.

OP posts:
Auntimabelsbudgie · 15/06/2024 23:20

CJ0374 · 15/06/2024 23:07

OP- Your post and others on the thread just reinforces the reasons I stopped TTC in my early 40's! I TTC 12 yrs, lost 3 and could have 'tried' donor eggs or further rounds of IVF but didn't. Be grateful for what you have OP. I have no living children and never will.

That was both a brave and heart-rending decision to make.and sadly makes us realise we should be very grateful for what we have, even when it's crap/annoying/frustrating/bewildering