To think it's not right that DD(19) has a 61 year old mum

[LornaDuh]

Don't know why it's just hit me at 10.45 on a Saturday night in June.

Just feels weird that a girl not yet out of her teens has a mum over 60!

I guess it's technically possible but highly unlikely to both get pregnant and have a successful pregnancy at that age.

Is she your only or does she have older siblings. This does make a difference as dealing with elderly parents is easier when there are others to lean on.

my mum was late 20s having me but early 40s with youngest sis. When mum had her stroke it would have been very hard on young dsis if she had been an only. As she’s the youngest of 5 us older ones took the strain as she was 21 and still at uni. From my work I’m also very aware that it is hard to deal with an aging parent while you have a young family. It causes a lot of strain. If it was me I’d one, try and stay for and active as long as you can and two, make sure you have enough saved to pay for decent care so all the strain doesn’t fall on dd possibly while she is raising her own family.

that said it’s hardly out of the ordinary to have a baby in their 40s these days. SIL had her youngest at 45, it’s not what I would choose for myself but she didn’t meet my brother until she was in her mid 30s then their first has a chromosomal disability and so they wanted to wait a bit to have a second. Life happens how it happens, you just have to make the most of it.

I was saying to my daughter that at the very least she would have required some sort of IVF to get pregnant at that age, my daughter said it is quite possible to be still fertile in the 50s. I said to her maybe not impossible, but very very unlikely!

I think a lot of these celebrity babies have given younger people the wrong idea of fertility. Getting pregnant naturally in early 40s is possible, but I can imagine much rarer for a 50 year old!

And it being possible does not make it advisable. Genetic mutations are much more likely with older eggs, and older sperm too.

Definitely. It’s not advisable to have a baby over 40 due to the increased risks. I expect I’ll get jumped on now……

I’m 61 next week and my lovely, funny kids are 14 and 17. I didn't meet my partner til I was in my 40s and then we just got very lucky. We are all pretty active so the age isn’t really a problem. By coincidence, my dad was 67 when I was 18 but I don’t remember it being an issue with my friends.

Mum was disabled with diabetes by 41. My friends with older parents are still healthier now in their 80s than my parents are in their 60s/70s

I know someone who had two in quick succession just before her 50th birthday, so roughly 48 and 49.

Her eggs but ivf for first, totally natural for second. Lovely healthy babies, brilliant mum! None of them celebrities.

Or it is the father?

I'm 60 and a half with an 18 year old and her dad is closer to 70.

I can honestly say we both are in many ways fitter and more able to cope than younger parents we know!
Maybe we'll die sooner than some younger, but the love and attention she's had and still gets is no less than her older siblings, and she has no issue with it at all

When DD turns 19 I’ll only have turned 40 a couple of weeks before. That’s definitely stranger where we live.

So your boyfriends mother is presumably the problem, making you feel old. You're not in competition for glamorous mother. Let it go. Be you

Also, and this probably sounds awful - our parents are all dead- my mum at over 90 a few years back so we have have had her teenage years to focus more solidly on her without poorly parents stress than we did with her siblings.
Things like that make it all a bit easier. Where we live too, there are more older parents.

On the flip side. My DC are adults now,through the teen traumas, my parents are 75 & 77, still helping out, actually helping each other out as my children now have driving licences so could drive them to appointments, take them shopping as well as mainly just lots of lovely time as 6 adults, galleries theatre, cinema trips as well as meals out. If my parents need care/support I will be longfree of dependant DCs.

My mum had me at 18 and child no 4 when she was 42 and is now 68 with a 26 year old, no problem for her

I'm pregnant at 42 so will be exactly the same in 19 years

Well unless you have a time machine then what's done is done. If you have a good relationship with your daughter that's all that matters. My mum had me young & died at 51 so there's no guarantee of anything in this life. Enjoy what you have & don't dwell on things you can't change.

This is fabulous ❤️🙌

This will be very, very common in 10 years time.

My daughters friends mums were all in their mid to late 30s before starting a family.

Pure economics, careers need to built and financial security obtained to a certain level.

Times have moved on.

My auntie was 40 when she had my cousin, my mammy was pregnant around the same time & my auntie was so embarrassed & she was made to feel self conscious (my other auntie didn't help 😆)

I too was a "geriatric mother"

But seriously please don't let an arbitrary age discourage you or put a damper on your lovely news

Doesn't sound too awful to me.

We are part caring for my father in his mid 80s, who us difficult, selfish and demanding.

He has little interest in his granddaughter, and our 'duty' does cut into family time.

I know what you are saying.

I will be 62 when dd is 19 🤷‍♀️.

I waited to try for kids til I was in a good relationship and we'd bought a flat together. It took forever to have our two kids; what are you going to do?

We feel lucky. Every age of maternity has consequences. I'm glad I wasn't in my early 20s as that relationship was not one to build a family on. I didn't know when I'd meet the right man or how fertile we would be.

What can you do?

Yes, it's dreadful - go back in time and not have her!

Seriously - she doesn't know any different. There are both pluses and minuses to the age a parent was when they had their children.

It's wonderful - lucky you to have all that ahead of you ♡

It's months since I started this thread. And nice to see it resurrected!