To think it's not right that DD(19) has a 61 year old mum

[LornaDuh]

Don't know why it's just hit me at 10.45 on a Saturday night in June.

Just feels weird that a girl not yet out of her teens has a mum over 60!

I’m in the ‘old mum’ club. Do I feel it? Sometimes, is the honest answer. And then I cop myself on. Seriously. How much does it matter to the kids? V little I think. Thankfully we’re v close and so far have v good relationships (16, 18). Anyway, nowt I can do about it now!

It never ceases to amaze me how many ways society finds to encourage women to self-flagellate, and feel lesser-than.

it sounds like you and DD have a lovely relationship. Enjoy it OP.

I’m in the old mum club too (had ds4 at 40). I have close friends who are grandparents already in their late 30s - early 40s and yet it’s me their daughters go to for any kind of parenting advice or for childcare as I’m the only one without arthritis and diabetes and who can carry a baby up and downstairs multiple times a day. I’m also the only one who still accurately remembers the newborn period lol.

I think once you go over 40 ageing is personal rather than absolute. As long as you’re healthy and fit that’s the main thing.

So you’re comparing people who became parents in their teens or early 20s with ones in their 40s? There’s a huge middle ground in between. Why does everyone act like it’s either/or..?

I said it wasn't personally something I could do, but each to their own. I was also asked to expand on my experiences, which I did.

I'm sorry that you feel I can't have a personal opinion on a discussion forum.

As someone who struggled for years to have a child and was subsequently told it would never happen, but was finally lucky enough to have a child at 35 years old, I find your AIBU very unreasonable and a VERY odd judgment towards your fellow women. It sounds like OP you come from a family of women who traditionally have their children very young, which nowadays, I have found, seems to be frowned upon much more than older mums, probably because more and more women are choosing to start families later on in life. Of course, there is nothing wrong with a woman choosing to have children young or older. There are pros and cons to having children at each stage. As the eldest child myself, being born to a 21 year old woman, compared to my sister who was born when my mother was 29 years, i can promise you, my sister had a far more capable and mature mother who's life was more stable, wiser, and had the capacity to provide a far better upbringing than she was when she had me.
As an 'older' mum myself, my child would not have had as stable a home environment as they do; had as many opportunities they do, because I didn't have the money, knowledge and experience that I did by the time I became a mum. I would argue that being an older mum has given my child a much better start in life than if I did have her at 18 years, for example. I was way too selfish and inexperienced to bring up a child then and wouldn't have been able to provide my child with what I can now. Yes, I will be 56 when my child is 20, but I look at my Grandmother who is 88 and she puts most 30 year olds to shame! Unless you have some serious medical issues, youthfulness is all in your mind. My dad turned 74 this year and still gets out and plays footie with the grandkids too! Nothing wrong with being 60 when your child is 19!

OP had her baby at 41 and her daughter’s boyfriend had him at 19. That’s why. If you want to read a thread about the ‘middle ground’ maybe start one yourself

OP was 41 when she had her child not 35 like you. It’s great you’ll only be 56 when your child is 20 but it all sounds like a subtle brag to me when OP has a specific concern about being over 60.

OP has a specific concern about being over 60

Could it be that her own insecurities are causing her stress? From many of these posts, it seems that parents in their 60s are often full of life, fit, and healthy.

I saw an earlier post where someone mentioned their parents became grandparents in their early 40s. 🤔

Eh? Am I getting this right? So your friends - in their 30s - who are grandparents already, all have arthritis and diabetes and can't carry a baby up and down a flight of stairs? And so because of this their daughters come to YOU for parenting advice? Because you are clearly so much fitter, and only YOU can remember the newborn period because you did it more recently?

WTAF? 😆

Absolute and sincere apologies. She's not too old, I'm 65 so by then she will be misinterpreting things. Power to her elbow

I've got a friend who has two grandchildren. He was 43 when the first was born. He had his son at 18 and his son was early 20s when his daughter was born. It's possible.

It's very normal now. I had mine at 33 but most colleagues had theirs at 39-45.

Seriously people in their 30'scor 40's unable to carry a baby up and downtairs ? Really ?

Could it be that her own insecurities are causing her stress?

I'm not insecure. Or stressed. Well, not about this. It was just a Saturday night blip. But I have enjoyed this thread. Interesting and thought provoking.

Happens a lot with south asians.

I had mine at 39 and 43. I am 60 so second one just done GCSEs. No big deal and there were loads of us geriatric mothers around. I am not even the oldest mother around (and I don't think I look it but perhaps I am deluded). Also they keep your outlook young. I know teenage argot and I know who cavetown and Niko B are.

There's evidence that South Asian people have an additional risk of developing health problems at weights that might be less likely to cause the same issue in a caucasian person, but it's still not the norm to be THAT incapacitated in your 40s, even among South Asian people. What kind of lifestyle factors do your friends have in their lives?

See I was a grandparent in my 40s. But my daughter wasn't a teenage parent. She was 23 and married .

My mum also became a grandparent in her 40s. She had me at 25 having been married for 5 years previous then I had my first daughter at 20

I fail to see why you would think my post was a "brag". Being older, you are more likely to be better off financially, emotionally, physically, mentally.....the list goes on. Plus 56 is only 4 years away from 60. It's hardly a huge difference in age. My husband will be 63, but nothing would get said about that because he's male, right! However, the main point here is it really doesn't matter if a woman is not in her 20s - 40s when their child hits late teens. What matters is that they are there for their children. Show them love and are a great parent.

@Ozanj

I’m Indian. And yes most of my friends have high blood pressure, diabetes and osteoarthritis already. Several are disabled due to strokes. Keep your white privilege to yourself.

I'm not white.

How embarrassing for you.

I will await your apology.

@GreenTeaLikesMe

There's evidence that South Asian people have an additional risk of developing health problems at weights that might be less likely to cause the same issue in a caucasian person, but it's still not the norm to be THAT incapacitated in your 40s, even among South Asian people. What kind of lifestyle factors do your friends have in their lives?

Exactly this. ^

DD is home from uni and we've just spent a happy couple of hours drinking Sangria in the sunshine and planning our "girls" trip to Barcelona in Sept. My worries from last weekend were daft and unfounded.

🥂 to everyone who contributed to this thread!

DM's NDN is 65 and her DS is 19. They had been married for many years and had given up the hope of being parents.

My husbands Dad is the same age as my Grandad - mid 80’s now. Husbands Dad was just older when they had him, but also my husband is 8 years older than me, and combined with the fact my Mum was 20 when she had me and her Mum was 20 when she had her made them young grandparents. It’s never been an issue.