To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

There is usually a formal route if the HT denies a LOA.
have you read the absence policy? Taken it to the governing body?
There are a few extra steps before resigning but if it’s the excuse to leave then just leave.

If I enjoyed my job there's no way I'd resign for a wedding! That just seems crazy to me. I have several friends who are teachers who've been trying for years to get a part time role with no success.
If I was your relative I would completely understand that you couldn't attend my wedding - and I'd be mortified if you resigned to attend!

It's causing you significant stress isn't it that work is inflexible for a significant life event, therefore I would get a 2 month sick note that cover the period 😉

I used to be a teacher and this is exactly why I have never, ever missed ‘the holidays’. Flexibility is priceless.

If I were ever to go back then I would be far more willing to take the occasional day off sick, as I sometimes taught when I really wasn’t in a fit state to do so. Not to mention the insane workload at certain points of the year!

But that aside, I think you simply have to politely request it as a day of unpaid leave. If the HT refuses, then escalate it to the governing body. Either way, you won’t be in that day, even if you have to take a disciplinary afterwards.

You can't jack in your job because someone wants to get married on a Monday!!! They've done that so they can save a few quid but you're going to potentially give up weeks of pay just to attend?

It's not a Bank Holiday Monday by any chance is it? (The only Monday wedding I have been to was on a Bank Holiday).

If your close friend was that bothered about you attending her wedding then she wouldn't have booked it for a day you're at work. Everyone knows teaching is a job with set annual leave.

So I certainly wouldn’t resign if they’re short staffed they’re unlikely to sack you. Either don’t go or tell slt you’re going and take the disciplinary?

IMO tho your not really resigning because of the wedding- your resigning because the school has dire policies that offers no give and take with the staff. Obviously other schools do offer more ‘flexible’ working.

Work to live, not live to work and all that.

It’s ridiculous to state the B&G are at fault for marrying on a Monday. I work Sundays, getting married at the weekend wouldn’t work for me? I wouldn’t expect them to change the date 😂

I would go to the HT, explain what you may have to do and ask if you could change your working hours for that week.

Under flexible working rules, you could put in a request to change your working days from January so could swap your day around permanently as a different option? Obviously this would depend on whether you can change your childcare and also on when they do timetable changes!

Teacher here - I'd resign and look for another job.

Over the coming years, there will be sports days or school plays or funerals that mean you would ideally be able to take a small amount of time off. Find a school which will recognise the amount of time you freely give to the school and the children and work flexibly to make sure that, as often as possible, the things that are important to you can be supported.

Worse case, you can do supply for a term or two - in the current climate, you'll probably be snapped up by a school desperate for a decent teacher.

Have you actually asked?

Also when you take a job in education you know you have set holidays, your relative wasn't that concerned about your availability or they would have checked! I think holding weddings on weekdays is quite inconsiderate as it is

I wouldn’t lie I would just say I was unable to come in that day. The worst they can do is sack you which seems unlikely there is such a teacher shortage! You are in a stronger position than you realise.

Where are they @SallyWD ? Obviously don’t say if if you don’t want to.

@Pippa12 yes I am surprised at the number of people who assume the bride and groom actually either don’t want me there at all or are selfish 😂

I think most people, who do not have inflexible jobs/ bosses would find it hard to understand that you cannot have one day off.

People do not understand inflexibility of teaching.
It's led to a tricky situation for me recently too. Others refusal to believe me was worse than the situation needing resolving.

I think that teaching is one of those jobs that people think they know because it's so public.

@dancingrainbows be honest, with yourself at least.. deep down do you want out? Is the only thing keeping you there the opportunity to work part time?

Honestly put it in writing that you are requesting an unpaid day off with six months notice (or whatever). If this can't be accommodated then you are giving formal notice.

If the head refuses then send copies to the governors. It's really ridiculous that they are willing to loose staff over such a small issue.

I get no time off in term time but there always needs to be exceptions made

I’d be tempted to call in sick, but the problem being that you wouldn’t be able to discuss the upcoming wedding with other colleagues, and does anyone there know your relative, so might then put two and two together when you call in? Also social media. If some of your colleagues are friends of friends who have your relatives on social media,.

I get this. I would be devastated to miss a close family wedding. These things are important. .

Where are my teacher friends? I know three teachers in Leeds who've been searching for part time roles for years and one in Norfolk.

I just think it's strange that they pick a cheap weekday during term time and then are "disappointed" that you can't make it.

There are other Mondays in the year when you won't be working. Why not pick one of those dates if it's so important to them that you attend. If the family's attitude is that you could easily just resign your job to attend the wedding then yes! they are either incredibly selfish, or aren't really that bothered about you. Others will decline the invitation. Honestly, most couples aren't heartbroken if someone can't attend. You're one of many guests on the day, your presence or not is unlikely to have any real impact on their enjoyment of the day.

I think DH "not understanding" is likely because he doesn't want to go to his siblings wedding and be solely responsible for the children all day 😉

So you will leave your job for such people who are not understanding?