To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

My children aren’t school age @TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre

well quite!

I'm sure you had a great time, but the point is that it's an awkward day for a wedding for most people.

So you suggest she takes planned sick leave next year? In some workplaces that's gross misconduct and can lead to dismissal. Not good to have that on your empyment record.

It’s a common theme on this forum that if the date/destination of the wedding is not convenient the bride and groom are completely selfish. God forbid you might actually want to attend 😂

I think the suggestion from PP of verbalising your request to take it off and the fact you’ll resign if you can’t have it is not a bad idea. It’s unreasonable of them to think ‘life events’ aren’t going to come up in your whole career (funerals/weddings etc)

You could go off sick for a couple of weeks? Take a social media break so those pesky pictures don’t get online. You really shouldn’t have to tho!

Probably staff meeting day what with it being a Monday, so likely no.

My understanding from the school I worked at and other friends schools is that most schools would allow a discretionary time off for a sibling/child/parent wedding but no other relatives. Same with funerals only immediate family.

When I planned my wedding for a Friday my oldest friend of 35 years who is like a sister to me explained if it wasn't in the holidays she wouldn't be able to attend. We got married in August.

When my mum died my second cousin had to consider lying to work and saying a grandparent despite my mum being like a grandparent to her. Because great aunt wouldn't have cut it.

I think if this 'close' relative cared about you attending they wouldn't be getting married on a day you can't attend.

I think it's poor family are pressuring you to solve the unsolvable. (At your end, B&G could change dates if it's that big an issue)

I think it's ridiculous to consider quitting a job over a wedding. Would your dh quit his job to go? Would anyone expect him to?

Yes there are lots of teaching jobs but are you happy there? You are also correct part time roles are extremely rare you would be lucky to get another.

Then you’re a shit manager and I wouldn’t want to work for you

resigning to attend a wedding is actually quite common in teaching. I once missed a wedding and more than 10 years later, I still regret it. I should have gone.

A wedding day with friends and family is harder to replace than a teaching job

One option is just to tell your school you are going, and give them the option of asking you to resign or taking a days pay off you.

Ball is in their court then, if they say you need to resign to go, then you have not lost anything

Good points, @parentfodder - but there aren't lots of teaching jobs, though. Lots of people leaving, but budgets are so tight they're not always replaced. It's tricky at the moment.

There’s a reason why people have a work day wedding, because they know that some people are not able to attend, maybe you’re their reason!

Generally understood by who? As I said I've taught for decades in many schools and have never heard of teachers not being allowed time off for exceptional circumstances. I had a day off for my best friend's wedding just before COVID, for example.

Tough one.

If you go off sick, you might be found out and fired without a good reference for your next role, but is that likely?

even my own Dh, lovely as he is, doesn’t fully ‘get it.’

What is there not to get? Is your job considered not important by your DH and the wider family?

Why is that ?

How do you feel about that?

It reads as if you don't expect any consideration for your job and your life choices in this family situation.

Do you actually just want advice that just ignores this elephant in the room?

It really wouldn't be ok for me, I'd be very sorry that the wedding was set up to make it impossible for me to attend.

You don’t go to a manager and say I’m going to a wedding, you give me the day off or I quit. As an adult you go and talk to them.

I would actually give them the day off, if they were adult enough to talk to me. If they’re childlike and stamp their feet to get their own way in situations, I’d happily take their resignation.

I do give days off for such things, together we make it work, but they ask, they don’t demand.

I don’t think that makes me a shit manager, but if you do, I’m pleased our paths will never cross.

Tbh resign. As a former teacher, who doesn’t want to teach, I still get very frequent job offers from persistent recruitment consultants and SLT I knew. I’m not even looking and I’ve made it clear I’m not keen. The job market is nuts

You sound like a wonderful manager @Strictly1 .
I’m a manager and somebody came to me with this attitude my response would be concern that they felt it necessary.

Tbh a quick glance at the replies tells me people just don’t get what schools can be like. It really is a blanket no and a weird environment. Even pregnancy appointments were a nightmare

I'm also amongst a few when I say I get it. I'd hand in my notice for my sibling or my husbands siblings wedding. Assuming that I was working in a job I knew id be able to replace, I didn't love and we were financially secure.

What’s not to understand? It’s your employers policy, nothing to do with you.

How far away is the wedding? Can you just join after work?

One should always consider all options before shooting oneself in the foot

Is this family member- who didn't give a shit what the effects of a Monday wedding would be on anyone else- really worth giving your job up for? I don't think so.

Thank you. I agree - I wouldn’t want to work there either - it sounds toxic.

Staff are your greatest asset and if you look after them well, you get the best out of them and it makes it a nice environment to work in for everyone.

Feel so lucky to be in my school. You can ask for unpaid leave for all sorts of things and it is mostly granted.

You are lucky! It's very variable.