To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

A week because parental leave comes in blocks of weeks. You can use the leave to spend time with your children. That's what she's doing. At a significant family event.

You make a really good point. OP could ask for Mondays as one of her days off for next year and see if there's any wiggle room there.

Having been very ill with work related stress in teaching (to the extent of requiring long term psychiatric care) I'm pretty disgusted by the glib suggestions that the OP should "go off with work related stress" to enable attendance at the wedding.

If you like the people that are getting married then just go - life is too short! Accept that you may end up actually having to resign from work though if they really are that inflexible. Agree with pp if you are willing to resign anyway you might as well ask them for the time off and see what they say. Enjoy the wedding 🎉

Or just lock down (or delete) any social media you have so you don't get caught out and throw a sticky 🤷

Can’t you either apply to governors offering to take unpaid leave or pay for a supply teacher for the day?

Cheaper for you, but if most of your friends and family are employed on Mondays, not for your guests. You’re effectively asking them to subsidise your wedding.

No wonder genuine work related stress gets disbelieved or minimised when so many are willing recommending lying and make up work stress for a fit note
Get some perspective it’s a either a late arrival after work or don’t go to a wedding. Despite all the inappropriate recommendations This doesn’t warrant lying, or making a convoluted story. Either go late or don’t go

@dancingrainbows when I opened this thread I never thought I'd end up saying this but- if you, resign. There are so many schools out there that, at worst, offer a day or two unpaid leave at head's discretion for things like this, that you will almost certainly be glad you did and went elsewhere. At mine we can request unpaid leave and/or do a swap with someone else as a favour and sort it out between us. Me having to go and collect a child, if WFH parent can't, isn't an issue.

This is because I work in a school with an (underserved) reputation for being tough and so they struggle to recruit, preferring to do what they can reasonably offer to try to retain staff. Consequently we are fully staffed for September again and pupil numbers are increasing. I am almost certain you would be able to find a similar school and setup near you if you can afford to wait a little bit for it to come up- I presume you're not in one of the few subjects or phases that is well supplied with staff, there are still one or two!

Sorry to hear about that - you've clearly had a horrific time.

In my experience teachers talk about this openly (and glibly), whether they do it or not. The teachers I know are as cynical and streetwise as anyone doing any other job (which probably helps cocoon them from some of the stresses of the job).

I hope you've found a sustainable way to keep well. No job is worth your health.

No
parental leave is prorata and discretionary, if you’re pt 2 day week you won’t get 5 day in a block
parental leave is requested for immediate family crisis,sickness,unexpected event.
This wedding is an anticipated and planned event That @dancingrainbows is unable to attend, it doesn’t require parental leave

I think you’re mixing up parental leave and emergency leave

YANBU
But having worked in a school myself previously as support staff I would have had the same restrictions. The school I worked in allowed us to write to the Governors to get approval and normally it was granted. Might be worth a shot but tell your head teacher first. Good luck 💐

Yes, I am. Apologies
so, to clarify. The parental leave is prorata to work week.she’ll get 2 day. Not a week
I don’t see how it’s parental leave, presumably one will argue that she need to be off to attend family event
certainly not worth giving up work for. Either attend late or don’t go

Just miss the wedding. It’s a chance they take getting married on a Monday. Wouldn’t occur to me to do anything else! It’s a shame but it’s only a wedding.

Getting married on a Monday is like getting married in a long haul destination or saying no children are allowed. It means you can't absolutely expect everyone to attend and if you do, you are not a good person.

Fucking mad that you would even consider quitting your job for one event that makes no difference to your life. The bride/ groom will be so busy they won’t notice and if they’ve booked it on a Monday knowing you can’t attend then they’re not arsed about you going anyway.
(I do have strong feelings about people having weddings on week days and expecting people to come- extremely selfish)
The answer is obviously option C- send a ‘sorry I won’t be able to attend’ as you can’t get the time off work

What?? My mind just boggles!! You know there are 7 completely reasonable days of the week that people can choose from, right??

It's not "extremely selfish"...it's extremely good common sense. Why should a couple fork out extra thousands of Pounds for a Wedding on a Saturday just to please other people? You've said there that someone else's wedding makes no difference to your life. It's the couple's day, if they can only afford to do it in a Monday and they are happy with that then fine, if people who don't really give a shit don't turn up then it doesn't matter.

I didn’t read all the replies but just checking you know that your work can’t not let you leave to go and get your children when they are ill. They don’t have to pay you and there are limits to it as they’ll expect you to work on making other arrangements once you’ve got them but they can’t just have an expectation someone else (likely your partner) will always be the one to deal with it. Details outlined here - https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

The marriages/funerals you aren’t entitled to leave so it’s worth thinking about. Honestly more generally I’d wonder how much I’d feel comfortable working for any employer with so little compassion they wouldn’t allow people time to attend a funeral of a close friend or relative. In contrast my work would reschedule flights for a business trip to allow you to attend one even if it cost them a lot of money. I’ve known them pay up to an extra £2k in long haul flights to allow someone to get back earlier or leave later to be able to go to a funeral.

Thank you - that's very kind. I eventually left, recovered and retrained. I must say that I've rarely come across anyone, in teaching or anywhere else, who faked WRS.

If you went to quit your job because you have reasons to that's fine but I would not quit my job because some family members would be upset I can't take time off on a Monday to come to there wedding.

Sounds like you have not a toxic work and family if they will make things so difficult for you that you would rather quit your job than they be upset.

Secondary

It's only a wedding, they'll probably be split up.in a couple of years, really not worth giving your job up.

Going against the grain here, I would resign over this. Obviously, check with your HT first but if the answer is no, then I'd leave.
There's a massive shortage of teachers out there, you could pretty much walk into any school and set your terms.
There are schools out there who treat their staff terribly, often academies, and then there are others who understand that if you look after your staff, they'll go the extra mile. I've worked at both types.