To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

Your relative chose to marry on a Monday.. they will realise that people won't be able to attend. I wouldn't go personally.

It doesn't make it right. If OP accepted that most people couldn't attend and she was looking for minimal guests then good on her, but if she knew her relative could lose his/her career over this and didn't care, well that's not good.

Personally I woukd go with the view that the person getting married doesn't really want you there so don't go.

But if you really want to go and can afford a term with no salary it would be reasonable to compose your resignation very carefully being completely honest about why you are resigning to give your employers a chance to decide if you are worth hanging on to:

Dear Headteacher

I am writing to give my resignation, with my full term's notice being completed at the end of the autumn term 2024.

I have been happy in my job and would like to stay but the inflexibility of working days makes it incompatible with my needs to balance life outside of work. If it were possible to swap a working day to another day of the week once or twice a term (with sufficient notice and by negotiation with other staff for cover purposes) I would be able to stay, so if you are able to consider this please let me know. Otherwise please accept this resignation.

Yours sincerely
Dancing Rainbows

Worst possible outcome is that they say "fine, bye" if they don't like you enough to try to keep you. But you might be successful.

I don't know how a teacher could swap a day with a colleague a couple of times a term?

I've read the whole thread and can't believe so many people are suggesting ringing in sick.

If the wedding is more important to you than a conveniently located job with part time hours you can of course resign. However while you might well get another post you may not be able to get the hours and location you need. It seems strange that these family members, including your husband, don't understand that time off for a wedding doesn't usually happen in teaching.

However I do think your school's attitude to medical appointments is appalling.

I really can't believe anyone would throw their livelihood away over a maximum of 5 minute legal verbal exchanges and then a piss up and meal. I just don't get that. If my parents or children were dying in ICU in hospital and I had to have the day off, yes. I get that. I'd throw my career away for that. But a meal and a piss up? No.

@SoreAndTired1 A job is a job is a job. Boring and not that big a deal in the scheme of things except for the employer who will have to replace the OP if she quits.

See how this works?

Er, no. A job provides you with financial security, a roof over your head, and a pension.

A meal and a piss up is not the same thing.

If they're both part time, they swap a day. Depending on what else is going on they could swap PPA, report writing time etc. Have a member of SLT or an HLTA cover. Various other workarounds. Of course, sometimes it's not possible, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

I can't either. Medical life and death stuff and funerals, I could understand, but not weddings.

@SuziQuinto OP has already said earlier on innthe thread that it would be possible to make it work, it's just that the SLT at that specific school aren't willing to consider any kind of flexibility.

Exactly how would depend on whether OP is in a primary or secondary school, how many other part-timers there are and what days they work etc

I would take a week's parental leave. If the date is refused, resign.

Now imagine it's a shit job, with a shit culture, where you're not valued or respected or trusted and that wedding is yet another thing you don't get to go to and yet another example of how they take ,take ,take and there is no give. You know you can easily get another job. The only draw to the current job is being part time, but there might be other opportunities out there too.

What about now? Wouldn't even cross your mind once?

SLT won't cover. (Perhaps rarely) We have only a couple of TAs who are needed to support those with AEN.
I suspect anyway that parents would not welcome a TA without the subject knowledge managing a GCSE class.
I cannot swap my day off with anyone without both of our timetables being rewritten, and the knock on effect on the general timetable for more than 100 staff and 1,700 students.
It's really not a flexible job.

No. For example if it's secondary it won't be a job share. That's not how timetabling works. I only have one part time member of staff in my department for example.

Nope. Not at all. Unless I had another job lined up to go to. A shit job is shit, many of us have been there. But - it pays the bills and keeps a roof over our heads.

I cannot ever imagine a situation where someone threw in a job for a few canapes, a hot dog and a piss up. That person would have to be very, very shallow, immature and have no idea about priorities.

@SuziQuinto you're right. Apologies. There is a massive difference between primary and secondary when it comes to logistics.

No apologies necessary, @ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat .
I think it is very different at secondary and if anything, less flexible.

I wouldn’t go to the wedding. Who the hell gets married on a Monday, and a school day.

They are your in-laws. I bet they wont even care if you are not there.

A social event isn’t what parental leave is for,it is a lie to call it parental leave.
why a week off to attend 1 day event.?That’s somewhat excessive

What about if you did lose your career and the marriage failed very quickly? Even before you had found alternative work?

I’d see if someone would swop and if they will take that to the head.

I did see someone say you have the power, however if you have that type of Head then there is probably no chance.

I did work in a school where various teachers went off for weddings. However they wouldn’t allow support staff, one was part time, another another of staff offered to cover and they still said no. Worst still it was for her son to who had got mixed up with his mums working days. So she quit. Very unfair.

I’ve not read all the replies so apologies if someone has already mentioned it. I think it’s really inflexible of your school to not offer an unpaid day off in this situation. If it was me I would ask to go and put in writing what it would mean to be able to go with them being a close family member. When they say no I would reply and ask them to reconsider and state what I have done for the school. E.g do you do any extra trips/clubs etc which take your personal time away from you whilst also CCing governor. If you still had no luck I would go off with work related stress a few weeks before so that you can technically go but you’ve been signed off sick. They can’t tell you that you can’t go. I think schools need to be more flexible and see all the extra stuff their staff do! I’m only suggesting this as you have put you might leave anyway so if they were funny after this then you could still leave

That's extremely overdramatic considering the whole country is crying out for teachers!

You are a resource in short supply - keep that in mind.
Finding someone to replace you will be extra work for the HT.

You could arrange for Monday to be your day off next year. The timetables are not fixed yet...

In this situation you could find someone to swap with - and make that side of things very easy for the HT.

Alongside this you should explain that if leave was refused, you would certainly resign as the wedding is too important to miss.

You could then decide whether to resign or not.
All of this should be done quietly so no great climb-down would be public :)