To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

Really sorry if this has been mentioned, but if you have children, you are allowed to take parental leave (government entitlement) although it would be unpaid, could you try requesting that?

Don't do this you could be fired for fraud. Because this is fraud.

I would not go to a wedding and risk losing my job. Any relative worth being close to would understand that. Also, its just a wedding. It's not like you're never going to see that person again. A reasonable person would not mind.

I get that it's part time but I'm trying to figure out what's the benefit of being part time if you STILL don't have time to go to the doctor, see your children's events, and go to family functions.

I'd just lie and take a sick day tbh.

What time is the wedding and what time does your school close? Depending on the times you may well not miss much of the wedding at all if you go straight from work.

Take ur wedding clothes to the school.
Take ur make up.
Sneaky trips to the toilet to sort ur make up face scrunch ur hair and off u go.
It's absolutely crazy to quit a job for a wedding that come winter time will be such a distant memory. Don't do it. Skip the wedding and be there later.

Those posters glibly saying just lie at spectacularly missing the point. It’s misconduct toretenf to be sick and attend a social event
She will actively have to lie, the initial lie to get off work and then maintain it too. She’ll be paid for sick. Paid when not sick. Paid when actually at a social event,well and actively socialising. In a professional role, integrity really matters, it’s non-negotiable. Lying is a big deal. Glibly advising just lie is really stupid advice, and I’ll advised as the potential consequences outweigh the limited gain

Ok I probably shouldn't have said I'd call in sick because you'd probably get found out. But it just makes me so angry when employers are so inflexible and value their staff so little!

None of this makes sense. Skip the wedding but dress up for work?

I would suggest leaving teaching and working in a more flexible industry. You could look at the civil service for example

OP, you’re not considering leaving because of the wedding, you’re considering it because the culture is unreasonably inflexible. If it wasn’t this, it would be something else making you ask.

Everything I hear is that schools are crying out for teachers.

Having read all your replies, I think you should hand in your notice, heave a sigh of relief, and find something else. It sounds like you’ve got months to find something, even if you give notice on Monday.

Great idea, wholly proportionate ! Leave teaching,restart in another different area. Yes that’s the thing to do
If a man was unable to get day off work to attend a do, no one would said he should leave his job. Go,to another unrelated industry
Sure it’s a disappointment but not worth a career change

Explain to the bride that the only way you could attend is by resigning from your job. Then they'll get why you can't.

If you genuinely would resign over it then I’d tell them that, surely letting you have one day off is a lot less hassle than recruiting because you resigned over one day? I couldn’t work somewhere so inflexible.

Tbh I would just be phoning in sick with an employer that inflexible.

Just make sure your social media is set to private so that your photos can't get you into trouble if someone posts a photo of you from the wedding.

I wouldn’t go to the wedding. Everyone knows that teachers can’t just take annual leave.

The risk of having a weekday wedding are that some guests will be unable to get out of work. I know it is cheaper but most people can book a Saturday off with notice. I am in a rare part-time job in my profession and I know I would not find another such role on such good terms so am staying put till I'm ready to go full-time again.

Those posters glibly saying just lie at spectacularly missing the point. It’s misconduct to pretend to be sick and attend a social event
She will actively have to lie, the initial lie to get off work and then maintain it too
She’ll be paid for sick leave . Paid when not sick. Paid when actually at a social event,well and actively socialising.

In a professional role, integrity really matters, it’s non-negotiable. Lying is a big deal. Glibly advising just lie is really stupid advice, and ill advised as the potential consequences outweigh the limited gain

There are loads of us in 365/7 jobs who can’t just have time off when we like. At least teachers know they will never have to work on Christmas Day, New Years Eve, any weekend or any Bank Holiday weekend. Or when their own children are off school on holiday. Whilst it would be great if all schools could accommodate a degree of flexibility, in most schools budgets are so tight that it’s just not possible.

I’ve been on call on Christmas Day every year for the last 7 years and I always need to have at least two other members of my team of 22 also working every day over the Christmas period. I would need more if I wasn’t doing it myself every year. It is what it is and I knew that was the deal when I took the job. As do teachers.

If you are part time, presumably it's a job share? Could you swap days with your colleague? That's what I used to do.

I am going to try (and probably fail) to be as diplomatic as I can here. A wedding on a Monday? Wtf is wrong with them? Is there some psychological or medical reason for this? No way would I ditch a career for a thoughtless ahole couple.

I'd wipe them and have little to do with them going forward. What a bunch of selfish, inconsiderate, self-indulgent blank blank blanks (in order not to get banned)!

DO NOT throw in your job for a self-absorbed inconsiderate um... thing (I SO want to go to town with what I think, BUT I don't want to be banned). They are worthless, inconsiderate, and I wouldn't even give them a gift.

A wedding is a wedding is a wedding. Boring and not that big a deal in the scheme of things except for the couple. It really means nothing to you. Except drinks and a feed. DON'T throw your career away for someone is not worth it and clearly never stopped for one moment to consider their guests such as you. Resign? Are you out of your mind?!?? Don't sacrifice your career and finances for someone that KNEW what they were doing when they chose a wedding on Monday. They're not worth it. And not worth losing your career over. They had their choices. They didn't give a stuff what it would do to their guests, let alone relatives. If you throw in your career for some self-sbsorbed um, blanks, you deserve the hardship. Sorry. Snap out of it and tell them where to go. They're not worth it and are taking the piss to do this.

[Posters can attack me if they want but if they were my relatives, lets just say I would wipe them for doing this (if they didn't accept my non-acceptance RSVP) and I wouldn't look back.]

If you're not that bothered about keeping your job there, I would ask for special permission for the day off and if they say no, resign as a threat. They will either back down and let you have the day off or accept your resignation then just get a job elsewhere. The wedding so clearly really important to you so go for it.

OP got married on a Thursday.

No, the repeated point here is that it's not always like that for teachers. It's school dependent.

(Also plenty of KS4/5 teachers teach over Easter and May half term)

You reeeeeallly need to calm down! Christ.