To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

@Maddy70 Just wondering if you are a primary school teacher? Certainly never ever have I come across a secondary school head who has allowed time off paid or unpaid for a wedding in 30 years of teaching!

So if you had something potentially serious?

You do need to look for somewhere else

Don't lie or call in sick. Wedding photos will end up all over social media and someone from school will inevitably find out, even if the wedding is miles away.

I think you just have to say sorry but work won't allow you to take that day off.

Exactly this is absolutely absurd. I can’t believe this. Even if you can get another job easily if you enjoy yours and the hours suit it make sense to stick with that rather than leaving the entire job for the sake of a wedding 🙄 personally I could never leave any job but especially a role working with kids for the sake of a wedding though.

If you find the job generally too restrictive and inflexible that’s perhaps a reason to leave then but not just for this wedding alone.

I would explain to them that it’s not an option for you not to attend and if they can find a compromise with you.

(I do think the couple are being unreasonable having a wedding on a Monday and so are your family and DH if they expect you to quit to attend).

If it’s so important to you and your employer won’t compromise it’s totally your choice to give notice to quit, it just seems a huge sacrifice for the sake of a family wedding.

@Chenecinquantecinq
It is a job though.
Just a job.
When you are teacher it takes over everything.
Everything comes second to it - but why should it have to?

The dire state of education is due to lack of funding and the gaslighting of teachers to be made to feel like they should screw themselves over day after day for the love of the children.

I've literally fed, washed and clothed children this academic year- out if my own pocket.
I work tirelessly every fucking day to give those kids the best possible outcome. I lay awake at night worrying about them.

But wanting one day off unpaid is why the education system is a shit show?
Course it is...

@dancingrainbows I am sure that you must have taught at the same school as me , definitely NO hospital, doctor or dentist appointments during school time. In my case when pregnant they also made my life difficult by expecting me to find a colleague to cover my lessons for midwife appointments.

Will they let you take it unpaid?
we’re not supposed to have time off in term time, but life is just not that cut and dried. I think you just have to plead your case …

I think of your job was good enough in the first place you wouldn't consider resigning regardless of the situation, so the fact that's an option for you tells a story.

Could you join the teachers supply list on your area just now, so if you do resign you have that for back up in between jobs?

Wasting your breath here x

Just call in sick.

I totally understand that you aren't allowed to go. DH works in a similar place. It's ludicrous to me but it certainly is the way it is.

I'd say to them that you have the wedding, that you are definitely going to be going and that as they don't allow time off you're going to quit. Don't ask them for time off or try to negotiate, just spell it out exactly as it is. Then it's up to them if they really want to go through the hassle of recruiting or whether they want to offer you the day off. They'd be idiots to let you quit (but they probably are idiots - it's a school).

Loads do. I was thinking the opposite as a secondary school can comfortably handle a member of staff on a planned absence for one day as they do for trips, interviews, exam moderation etc. Whilst a wedding is perhaps different to those, there's plenty of schools that allow an occasional absence for this.

If all the other members of the family could get time off were it on a Tuesday, then talking to the bride and groom should be a first step.

Or marrying during a school holiday.

I totally understand the bride and groom choosing a weekday, as it is much less cost for any venue.

I would see the wedding as a useful indicator. It's given you an opportunity to really think about what's important to you and how you want to live your life.

I wouldn't lie about being ill, personally. I would put my energy into creating a work situation which is a better fit. If I couldn't do that in time, then I would just go to the evening.

If you do decide to leave, please tell them exactly why.

Have you checked your schools absence policies? If your relationship is very close you may find it’s written in you can have a day’s leave. All the schools I’ve worked in have policy provision for a wedding like this - especially if it’s a maintained school. Check with your union too. If your terms and conditions are that poor that they don’t, frankly, you can do better, resign and move on. Don’t go off sick, you can be dismissed for lying like that and you won’t enjoy the day.

I know a teacher who was sacked for lying about being sick but really went to turkey for a weeks holiday

But you can't go because of your job? And you're obviously not an essential guest to the people getting married. If my mum, sister, uncle, best friend etc was a teacher and couldn't get a Monday off work...I wouldn't get married on a Monday. If it was my second cousin or partner's great aunt or not as close friend, I'd think oh well what a shame they won't be there.

I resigned a p/t teaching job over similar. It was a funeral in my case and the last straw so to speak. Teaching is massively inflexible and not family friendly at all.

Unfortunately I don’t have much of a happy ending to share with you, I have been trying to leave teaching for the last year but haven't managed to get another part time job anywhere that I could actually afford to take. I keep getting pulled back into school on supply and getting distracted in my aims.

Finding a good part time role is a massive pain in the arse!

I cant see the problem, bit sad you miss wedding but hey no, it’s not end of world.Some perspective required,you don’t give up work over this. Yes, you miss the event , but you still see them later. See the video,hear the stories. It’s really not worth giving up a job over
Plenty jobs such as nhs,police,teaching require you to be at work and there is limited flexibility
Great thing about being nhs is I can use work commitments to explain non attendance when in fact I don’t want to go…oh no I’m on call, oh no I’m unavailable…I know this isn’t applicable to @dancingrainbows before anyone jumps in

And they say teachers have a tough life.

@dancingrainbows what if you were to quit your job to attend and then fall ill on the day and not be able to go anyway? Would not risk an otherwise ok job in the current climate - the bosses don't sound particularly reasonable but if this post works for you in all other ways then don't kick it into touch.

That's what I was thinking. What sort of close relative doesn't take this into account?

This. Perfect solution.