To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

I know right. Not in the real world! I’m there working my weekends and evenings on dire pay to teach your kids. It’s the real world when it suits you. I got out. The culture needs to change. It’s not like this in other countries and, tbh, if it were a male-dominated profession it wouldn’t be like this.

Did you miss the bit where it was explained that the classes were covered?

@smooththecat Thank you for all your hard work. I'm not a teacher but I have the brains to understand what a very difficult job it is.

Tell them you are going and that's final. What's the worst they can do?

There is a recruitment crisis, there's plenty of other schools that will take you.

It wouldn't be obvious to me at all. It depends on the school policies. Fairly common at one of the schools I work at providing it's a close relative and rare for the staff in question.

Being caught lying and then sacked for gross misconduct would be much worse career-wise.

You will have a very bad vomiting bug on that day! Sick day. Done.

This. You say even your own husband doesn't "get it". What sort of lives do you live where you have no idea of your wife's circumstances? OP, you must be surrounded by a very strange family.

I think that given your instinct is to resign, that says that you don't really like where you work, so I would probably resign for that reason alone. I'm a teacher and my school would allow time off for important family events like this, as long as requests from individuals are rare. They do that because they do value their staff, and they know this helps them to keep staff. They didn't used to be this flexible, but with the retention crisis they've had to become much more accomodating. They don't want to lose teachers for the sake of an odd day here and there, because replacing teachers is near on impossible. Yours don't sound very flexible at all, so I'd imagine they're not flexible about lots of things, therefore a new school is likely in order. Some even advertise that they allow staff a "personal day" a year in their job adverts, such is the difficulty with recruitment. And for what it's worth, although part-time posts are not often advertised, it can very often be negotiated at interview. I've done that successfully, as have other colleagues, I'd just apply for everything you fancy, then negotiate hours when you're at the job offer stage.

No advice , I know what schools are like as a teacher myself , but I just want to say how ridiculous that you cannot get a day off for a relatives wedding. No other profession would be like this . They could very easily get a supply in for one day . I have known schools let people have time off for events - I know of one school that let two teachers who were marrying each other have the Thursday , friday and the Monday and Tuesday off because they were getting married on a Saturday . There were reasons they needed to get married quick , mid term . They went and asked for the Friday off as it was cultural to have a celebration the day before the wedding and the head gave them the other days so that they could enjoy their wedding weekend . This was a school that was actually quite demanding and toxic …. But the one part they weren’t like that was family commitments. Very understanding if a child was sick and a parent needed to stay home with them and also allowed staff to book parts of days off around Xmas and the end of the year to go to Xmas plays, sports days etc - they just asked for as much notice as poss so they could plan ahead . They also allowed every staff member to do their half day PPA from home the week before the last week before Xmas ( nothing to plan for during the last week as always off curriculum and the ppa during the last week was for the first week back after Xmas ) and they specifically said this was so staff had chance to do some Xmas shopping . They also had a teacher training day during December that was for staff to do Xmas shopping, but staff then owed hours for training after school . This was a very fear led school and not a nice place to work so it shows that it can be done . ( they had had the union involved regarding toxic workplace culture and ofsted teacher questionnaires showed that work life balance was not good so I think this was why this was implemented ) .

I'm a teacher and thankfully work in a school who supports us, for example for my child's sports day I get to take it off and then I use my ppa as payback. Schools that are unable to support their staff are ridiculous and I wouldn't work for one. I actually don't disagree with you, and I'd write it in your resignation letter.

Another reason can always be given for resigning. Shorter commute, a flexible working policy, just a change, people resign for all sorts of reasons all the time. She can resign just because she doesn't like the school, she doesn't need to be explicit that it's about the wedding (it's not really, if she liked the school she wouldn't be considering resigning). Resigning is not going to harm her reputation. Being drunk in charge of children is the sort of thing that would harm her reputation, just resigning doesn't even come close.

@Chenecinquantecinq can you explain to me how exactly are pupils suffering by being taught for one day by staff that are happy to do it, are qualified and are known to them? How are they suffering from having dedicated , loyal ,happy (overall)and flexible staff ?

Indeed @BookArt schools that show a little bit of compassion for their staff are usually doing so because it's better for their students. Schools that don't, tend to have very high teacher turnover. That is if they even have teachers. Ime toxic schools are choc full of unqualified staff and cover supervisors, so students aren't really getting a proper education. What's better for students, well qualified, happy teachers, that know the students because they've been there more than three months, but who are allowed a day off for important events every now and again. Or unhappy teachers, mostly ECTs, who are walking out to pastures new (that nice supportive school down the road), at the end of every term?

Yes you do get heads like this. It's a pity your relative couldn't get married on a Monday in school holidays.
Fwiw I wouldn't give up a job that suited me for this - you could regret it afterwards.
Not the point but I was amused to hear from a teacher friend that she had to send an email to management if a child asked to go to the loo. I certainly couldn't put up with that!

In your shoes, I wouldn't go to the wedding. If I were a teacher, being unable to take time off during term-time would be the expectation and friends and family would be aware of this. I would only be asking it if was eg my child or a sibling.

I understand that you would like to go to the wedding and feel resentment at the school's inflexibility to such an extent that quitting seems like an option. If you really do feel that, after weighing up the part-time, location etc then you should probably be looking for a new job anyway. And you have nothing to lose by trying to arrange a plan for cover from other staff/requesting an unpaid day/offering to plan work for/pay for a supply. If the head rejects that (which they would be stupid to if they know you will otherwise resign and it isn't an empty threat), then you resign.

But honestly, losing a local, convenient and rare p/t post because of a 1 day in-law wedding that the bride and groom planned on a term time week day, would be bonkers. It only makes any sense if the inflexibility is the straw that broke the camel's back and you were on edge of leaving anyway.

Relative presumably knows that you are a teacher so they don't really value your presence at the wedding if they have made it on a Monday. I wouldn't go.

What are the reprecussions if you do go anyway?

It's unlikely they can/will dismiss you. Read your HR policy. If you don't have any prior absence, it is unlikely you will even get a warning for absence. But obviously please read the policy and your contract, do not take this comment at face value as every workplace is different.

HOWEVER. Sickness, caring responsibilities, domestic emergencies, parental leave, funerals, doctor's appointments... How does the workplace accommodate for those? What if it was your daughter's/ sister's/mum's wedding? I understand that term-time time off is not ideal in teaching but it happens sometimes, surely they must have some kind of cover plan?

If the leave policy is indeed that gulag-like, maybe have a look at working somewhere nicer. But please don't quit over a wedding.

Join the wedding g at the end of the school day? You ll only miss a bit of it assuming it s not too far away

Hang on a minute: you’re planning to quit your job with difficult-to-find part time hours but you HAVEN’T EVEN ASKED your employer for the day off yet? That’s even more nuts.

To be honest I have never worked at a school which has allowed time off paid or unpaid. I wouldn’t go to the wedding! (Surely the person whose wedding it is would be aware of this ?)

As a former head i would definitely have given you the time off. Depending on the closeness of the relationship probably unpaid (to offset the supply cost

Being flexible and human shows you value staff and in turn staff will go the extra mile for you too. Very shortsighted of the management

If you are prepared to leave over this I suggest that they areng good to work for on many issues and perhaps a different school will be better all round

It does seem a strange choice of day, prob much cheaper to do, but not all can get time off without lying and pulling a sickie.
If you value your job then is there any choice really.What does the Head say, have you spoken to her?