To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

Ignoring the annual leave aspect as it'll just derail. If OP is at a secondary school chances are it would cost nothing at all as there will be a couple of cover supervisors plus staff surplus to cover. I don't agree with a set allowance, but something like a family wedding once in a blue moon should be fine.

It's not about them being selfish or not wanting you there, it's that you aren't a priority for them, so you shouldn't prioritise them over something as important as your job.
You fall into the category of - nice but not essential to have there (which is nothing negative about either you or them, it's the category that most guests at most weddings fall into).

Either that they just don't respect you enough to respect what you say about how impossible it is to get time off and assume you'll prioritise them no matter the detriment to your own life.

If you do decide to skive off (I wouldn't, but that's me), then rather than phone in sick, I would say you were at a wedding x miles away at the weekend, were setting out early Monday morning to travel back and your car has broken down, or your car keys have been lost, or something, rather than you are sick. This gives you a reason to not be in your home town.

God, don't resign, that would be totally unwise. I have family members who work in the teaching profession and it's a given that you can't have time off during term time. If you can't get your days changed for that week, then go to the evening celebrations. If you call in sick, you won't enjoy the day and will regret it.
I'm not being insensitive to you wanting to go to the wedding but some roles and responsibilities come with the job. My hairdresser missed most of his friends' weddings that were on a Saturday because he had client bookings that were at risk of going to another HD if he wasn't there and hairdressing is his livelihood. Enjoy whatever part of wedding celebrations!

You don’t go to the wedding if you can’t legitimately get time off, simple as that
If you can't arrange cover or work decline, you don’t go and notify B&G

Honestly OP I would look for another job. So many schools are desperate for staff (Including your own, which is why their lack of flexibility is so ridiculous!). My mum, sister and BF are all teachers in different schools and have all been allowed time off for weddings, uni graduations, holidays etc., some even paid or allowed to do it during their planning time and then make that up at home.

It was the 'hospital appointments' for me - yes, now it's a wedding you might miss but as you/your parents/kids get older there will be other things even more important where you will have the same issue.

Because you've said SAHM is a possibility and you're not desperate for money, my only other idea is if they would let you take unpaid leave/a career break for that half term (6 weeks)? Just thinking if you tell them it's that or resigning, and they already can't get enough staff they might be willing to do that so they at least know you are coming back and as they won't be paying you they won't be losing much money - can get a fixed term supply in. It seems OTT to do that for 1 day but at least you could can use that time to 'trial' being a SAHM, apply for other jobs and do a bit of supply/tutoring if you need the money.

I would be honest and tell them now. If it's such a massive issue, the school could schedule an inset day on that day with enough notice, but the reasonable stance would be to have 1 day of supply teacher and potentially to make it unpaid leave, which would help them cover the cost of the supply teacher. Explain you want to be honest and not lie because that is what you would expect from the students and you practice what you preach, but that it is a dealbreaker for you.

God, it’s shit like this that makes the whole profession unsustainable. What is one day out of a whole year they have to organise cover v having a happy/healthy teacher?

If they wanted you to be there and knew your job wouldn't let you have time off, then they are being thoughtless. If they wanted you to be there then they'd book a Tuesday (your day off), weekend, or during the holidays.

I would consider quitting if I really wanted to go. See what other jobs are available or if you could manage with the insecurity maybe look at going agency.
In my current position I couldn't just leave with no job lined up so I would start looking ASAP but in a position where I could manage without the income for a good few months I would just leave and pick up agency work until something permanent came along.

Ultimately no-one on here cares whether you go or not, but I'm one of the ones who thinks it isn't worth the hassle or the risk.

And if I was considering it, the last thing I'd be doing would be starting a thread referencing the specific day of the week I was planning on skiving off.

You have a third option. Go to work and miss the wedding.

Surely working as a teacher you have to accept that you do not get to pick your days off.

My friend is a teacher, has been for years.
She now works part time on a job share basis, half day Wednesday, full days Thursday and Friday.
Her daughter is getting married later in the year. They booked it for a Friday, mainly because it cost considerably less than having it on a Saturday.
My friend is just swapping Monday that week with her job share partner, who will work the Friday for her. It's her daughter's wedding, of course she won't miss it.
If your school is not even considering letting someone cover your work that day if that's a feasible option, and letting you reciprocate a day for them, it sounds unbelievably unreasonable.
I hope you can find a solution, OP.

It would have to be a very, very close relative (like my mother marrying my father, or my twin getting married for the first time) for me to resign my job for their wedding. Or if I didn't much care for the job anyway.

Miss the wedding explain you cannot get the time off.

Faking sickness to go to a wedding? Someone going to that deception for a wedding shouldn't be in the job.

Government are actively trying to destroy the lives of people who are unable to work or struggle to due to illness/disability by removing financial means of independence and so many people on here posting a teacher should pull a sickie and cost an already struggling education budget extra to go to a wedding. That's OK though because she's not a "benefit scrounger" right?

Sick pay is a benefit. Faking sick to get sick pay is benefit fraud.

It’s really interesting now that I left teaching and work in a male-dominated profession (15% female), the employer bends over backwards to enable people to be involved with family etc.

I know of a professional football player who's brother was getting married, unfortunately the wedding day was the day before a play off game to get into what is now the championship. The player was refused permission to go. He went anyway and was dropped from the game. We lost.
However, not one fan ever said that he was wrong. Talking to him years later he said if he hadn't gone he would have regretted it for the rest of his life.
Speak to your boss, explain that you have no choice but to resign.

Teachers have a lot of time within the year in which to take their annual leave ie school holidays. I don't think it's acceptable to say I need x day off in Term Time unless it's for medical reasons. This should not be controversial!

To be honest, I think many teachers would get a new job over this. It’s not just about the wedding. It’s about the total lack of flexibility, which as numerous people who work in this area have attested is not universal.
If you worked in an industry and one employer was fair and reasonable, and your current one wasn’t - why would you stay at the unreasonable one? It’s just common sense.
Schools need to compete for the best staff. OP doesn’t need to choose between going to the wedding & being unemployed Or not going and being employed. She absolutely has the option of interviewing, explaining the situation and getting the day off. I’ve done exactly this and the headteacher was fairly horrified by the other school’s attitude. I stayed their 10 years and hand a handful of days off.

I would resign actually if in a position that wasn't going to cause hardship for my family. It's awful they can't offer a small bit of flexibility which a lot of notice. Id look for another job.

Who gets married on a Monday?!

I don’t agree. It’s one day and teachers are human beings with lives. One day is not going to impact progress. An unhappy teacher is going to impact progress. The management act like they own teachers’ lives, they used to schedule me to do stuff on days when I didn’t work for them and wasn’t getting paid.

Hi OP. Be off work for stress on that day. There is nothing the school could then do if they find out you went to a wedding.

It's not one day though if this becomes standard practice across the board. No employee whichever role is entitled to choose their days off, it's always subject to approval. If it is a close relative they should appreciate that those they desperately want to attend may have restrictions on when they are allowed to take holiday. It is pretty common knowledge teachers take leave in school holiday's!