To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

@dancingrainbows don't phone in sick!
Do request the time off - you've nothing to lose.

Honestly, people booking weddings on work days need to deal with the fact that some people won't be able to attend. Don't shoot yourself in the foot to keep others happy.

I'm a teacher too so completely get it. However there is a lot to be said for keeping your career going with a suitably part time job.

Equally, apply for other jobs - and apply for full time ones saying you are only interested on 0.6 FTE or whatever you want. Schools often only advertise full time to keep the field open when actually part time could work.

When you ask your head for a reference make sure you tell them the reason you are planning on leaving.

Totally get how some schools are like this. But the reason others don’t ‘get it’ is also because it’s wildly unreasonable. I’d look for another job. Now is a teacher’s market really. Schools round me are advertising with things like “birthday off” as I think they are finally waking up to the fact that a little bit of give is needed for a job where you can’t work from home if you want to retain good staff.

That’s just not true. I used to be in senior leadership and managed cover. A planned in advance day or two off is not that hard to cover - especially if it’s unpaid. It creates good will and I always tried to accommodate requests. For one great teacher, I planned a brilliant drama organisation to come in linked to the curriculum because I knew a year in advance. Part timers might swap for each other. I’ve also covered myself and asked them to cover me in their PPA so I can go to my own child’s Christmas play. Teachers are talented people who can get jobs in much more flexible careers. So we need to show so interest in them having a happy, balanced life.

Also issue of losing continuous service and pension contributions. Not sure about teacher pension, but I had a career break and when rejoining the local government pension scheme had changed ts and cs and if I joined my old pension to my new one I would have lost the past preferable ts and cs.

Unless it's one of your children, I'd just apologise and not go to the wedding. It's one of those risks when you choose a week day wedding. Not everyone will be able to get leave.

Just get signed off sick with something mental health related or headaches. Doesn’t prevent you going out so even if photos were found of you on social media so what? Gp signed you off so they can’t question authenticity of your sickness

If you look at this definition www.gov.uk/parental-leave you can take it unpaid for a number of reasons. It is enshrined in law. You are a parent and are entitled to it, if only to be with your children while they attend a wedding.

Send a link, with your request. Do it soon. Inform your union.

Then make your decision about staying or leaving your job.

I had a weekday wedding. It was infinitely cheaper. However and this is critical, it was a very small wedding and we knew that there were zero impediments to any of our guests attending. No one had to take time off work.

if the happy couple cared about your attendance, they would not have put you in this predicament.

If this was an actual close family member, like your own sibling, and you went to your manager for one day, they would be monstrous to not work with you. This isn’t your close family member though, not in workplace terms. If this were a bereavement or a sickness, this relative, being on your husband’s side, would definitely only count as extended family.

Do they think you would lie about it or something? They all need to grow up.

Would they be prepared to risk their jobs?

Your DH doesn't "get it" what is there to get? The facts are the facts.
You can ask but they won't let you have the time off or they will have to do that with everyone. Its very unfair and very inflexible, but that is the condition of your employment and its an uncertain world to throw your job away to please them.

That's what it would be. People pleasing. Don't do it.

Edited as I see its to go with your DC. I guess you have time. It sounds like your job is really inflexible and you re not that keen on it. perhaps you can find a different one given the time available.

You do refer to ‘tension’ ‘disappointment’ and ‘confusion’ @dancingrainbows so I think that’s why some posters are referring to your family members being selfish or odd to expect you to go to a wedding on a Monday. Your headteacher does sound very inflexible and only you know what will happen if you tried to have a conversation about it or swap with a colleague . However if do think is rash to resign over it , you won’t get another part time job in a school as easily. So - you could get your dh to go with the kids and go over after school to join them (esp as you are off on the Tuesday) Best compromise all round . Explain to relative that you work in a school and that’s the only way you can be there.

Disappointment as confusion as to how people with jobs can’t attend a week day wedding?

In my local not-a-church venue, weekdays are a lot cheaper and getting more popular.

And risk being spotted on Facebook at the wedding by a colleague? Really?

Perhaps you should offer your resignation and state why - the fact that their policies don’t promote flexibility and work/life balance. Maybe when they have a letter in hand they will rethink their rigidity on allowing a day swap with a colleague. If not, there are masses of supply teacher jobs which often pay more and may compensate you for possibly having to travel a little further on some days.

Speaking as a school governor, we'd be horrified to hear that we might lose a valued member of staff over a day's leave. Schools are being encouraged to do everything they can to retain staff.

I recommend a full and frank conversation with your headteacher, explaining that resigning feels like your only option (and offering to make up hours, swap with other part-timers, volunteer for a residential trip - whatever!). If they are still inflexible, I would write to the governors and set out what you have said here.

OP I fear this is only going to get worse for you, missing your own children’s sports days and nativity plays with no flexibility. I would definitely consider resigning and doing supply or tutoring in the interim with the view to finding a more flexible PT role eventually. You will never get that wedding day back, or as you say, that hypothetical, but inevitable, funeral.

Can you not ask your school anyway and tell them if they say no, you'll hand in your notice to be gone by Christmas?

Jesus, that's insane. Your 'close' relative shouldn't have booked their wedding for a day they absolutely knew you couldn't make. They've shown no care for you but you're willing to resign for them?? Seriously?

This!
Daft to throw away your job for someone else's wedding.

I'd say you are able to attend from 6pm onwards and enjoy the party.

Then they must be thick and you're daft to give in.

Sorry if this had been suggested (haven't RTFT) but you if you do decide to resign then you should still officially request the time off first.

When they refuse, hand your notice in immediately. It will then be clear why you're doing it, so with the reality of having to recruit right there in front of them, they might okay the time off. Yes perhaps it's very unlikely that they'll do that, but if you don't make them aware of the request then you'll be ruling out the possibility completely.

I'm a cover manager in a secondary school and, much as my Head can be an arse sometimes, they would absolutely grant you an unpaid day for a close relative's wedding. We would cover it internally. It's massively inconvenient when weddings are on a weekday and I have politely declined invitations before, but I did ask for, and was granted, my godson's wedding day. It's the only time I've ever asked; I'm never off work and am totally reliable, so I imagine that had something to do with it being granted.

I actually think you're insane to leave your job just for a wedding! I worked in education dor 8 years, we cannot have time off in term time. We know that and plan things in the holidays. I have turned down a couple of term time weddings. I actually think it's silly to book weddings in the week day as many cannot get time off. I understand it's cheaper for the bride and groom, but stops some from attending. Just send a nice card saying you're sorry you cannot make it. They will understand. I certainly wouldn't lie. My colleague lied about being off sick. He was seen in photos on another person's face book page. Nothing is private anymore. He got a warning and pissed us off for having to cover his sessions, to go out.

Whilst the holidays are one of the few perks of being a teacher, it’s not entirely fair to have absolutely no say as to when you can take your leave.
I am a great teacher, I love my class and I consistently get positive feedback from administrators and families. However, teaching is still just a job - it is not my whole life and it’s nowhere near the most important part of my life. If a beloved family member is getting married and I want to attend, you bet that I will be at that wedding. If my mothers best friend dies during routine surgery then I will 100% be taking a half day so I can take mum to the funeral (true story).
I will give my all when present, I arrive early, stay late, run activities at lunch during my ‘break’, spend literally over $1000 on my own classroom supplies, etc. I give flexibility so I expect flexibility from my workplace.

@dancingrainbows

So are you saying if someone had suspected cancer and needed time off for investigation/tests they would refuse?