To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

Sounds a bit like a smoker when they are in the process of not smoking but are actively looking for something stressful enough to happen to give them a justification to start smoking again.

If you need this as a reason to resign just resign. You're allowed to resign even without a justifiable reason.

It seems to me like you want out. So in this case throw a sickie and resign. But be mindful you might not get another part time job quickly or that they’d be just as bad re time off.

I had this when I worked as a legal PA, the other legal PA worked a 4 day week not Fridays. This meant I could never ever take Fridays off, unless I had a whole week or 2 booked. We actually had good holidays as got an extra week or week and a half at Christmas and Easter plus my 25 days holiday.

It did get so wearing though as I could never take a long weekend with the Friday or take the Friday. Sick leave was policed a bit too. Very small office.

If I knew then what I know now I’d have not taken that job but it was during a recession when jobs were hard to come by.

Are you sure? I worked in education most of my career and we would have allowed you the day off as leave of absence without question. I would check with your union as management might not be being completely up front with you about your terms and conditiins. You could offer to make up the time taken also.

You could ask for a different Monday two or three months earlier than the wedding date and have all the conversations then. If by some miracle they agreed you go in and say you are really sorry you have just realised it is X date not Y date and change it. But could be a safe way to ask and leave yourself the other options open.

Have you considered that :

1.OP actually wants to go.

2.Rather than this being the main reason, it's more of a last straw?

Teaching at the moment only works through flexibility and good will. However, it only works when it goes both ways. So why shouldn't OP look for a job at a school with a better culture , even if it's on a superficial level because of a "silly wedding"?

I wouldn't go to the wedding and I would start to look for another job if you don't like it there.

I wouldn't go to the wedding. I think there will be many people in professions different to teaching that wouldn't be able to attend a Monday wedding. This idea that schools can't get teachers, there are lots of jobs available so I will just resign ..would make me wonder about your commitment to the job.

It’s kind of … not exactly the last straw but it’s the fact that life is like this: people do get married and die and unwell and I do feel a bit stressed at the thought of going back and getting a phone call that one of my children has been sick and I can’t go to get them; someone dies and I can’t go to the funeral (morbid but you know …)

I don’t know. I’ll have to have a think.

schools are so inflexible regarding time off for teachers and students. It’s so unfair too because I can bet you have gone into school during the holidays and given up your holiday time.

I think there should be some leeway, perhaps give a certain number of days per year for events like this, doesn’t have to be many

youve just reminded me of another reason why I quit the teaching profession, I am NHS now and although it has its problems there is nothing as toxic as teaching

People saying "you're a teacher, obviously you can't take a day off" clearly aren't teachers themselves. Most schools absolutely do give flexibility for single days off for special occasions. I've known colleagues have days off to move house, attend weddings, even attend their own hen do (booked by an idiot third party, but the school did allow her it off). And obviously compassionate leave like funerals or letting teachers go to their own children's school events.

OP's school is very unusual not to allow days off for any reason at all. Most recognise that they demand huge amounts of flexibility from their staff on a weekly basis and do try to repay that for exceptional occasions.

I would never give up a job with the right number of hours in the right location for the sake of one missed wedding. Sorry, but I wouldn't. It's far too risky. I know there's a shortage of teachers in some areas but it doesn't mean you would find another job at a school near you with the right hours. Also, you are talking about being unemployed between January and Easter? Because you don't think you'll get a job at all (you can apply for jobs in the autumn term while serving out your notice) or because you think you won't be able to find a teaching job which will let you have the Monday off for the wedding?
It would be absolutely crazy to do something like that and not be earning because of somebody's wedding.

The bride and groom are welcome to have a wedding on a Monday to save money but they then have to understand that some guests will not be able to have time off.
Teaching is notoriously inflexible (despite what many posters on here seem to think). You can't just take days off for sister-in-law's wedding, aunty's wedding, second cousin's funeral. Who is supposed to cover? If one person starts having days off for something like that it sets a precedent and then you've got a problem.

You will have to tell whoever it is who is pressurizing you that no, it's not possible and you aren't going to resign. You could show up to the evening reception if they are having one.

Sorry @MilliMollieMandi I’m not following you. Why would the idea that schools need teachers (they do although it is area and subject specific) make anyone question my commitment to the job?

@dancingrainbows Take a day's unpaid leave. Or, if you have children under 18 apply for a weeks carers leave (by law you have to be granted this)

Assuming you live in an area where it will be easy for you to find another teaching job?

A supply teacher will happily walk into your secure part time job, especially one who never gets to plan anything for week days as they cover 3 different schools for long term sick leave and when those teachers return they go back to not knowing if they are working one day to the next.

Your school is already short staffed, you work part time and MIL want you to quit as you're overworked and exhausted but you expect the HT to cover you for a Monday to go to a non immediate family wedding and it's his fault for being inflexible but he can't possibly be overworked, exhausted and short staffed trying to make sure the children don't suffer.

Financially you are lucky enough to be able to have the option of quitting, you probably should.

It's not just the wedding on a Monday, it's term time too.

Your relative is being very inconsiderate. I wouldn't leave a job that fitted in with my needs for an inconsiderate relative, no matter how close.

Is that right? You have to be given time off even if your child doesn't need a carer?

That would have helped me recently, I didn't know about that and I don't think my employer does either

Thank you for posting, I'll Google it

@BarcardiWithGadaffia yes, I forget all the details now, but you are entitled to 6? weeks a year. My dh used to take it when our children were small. It is unpaid and has to be taken in weekly blocks.

As long as the OP doesn't share any photos of the wedding on social media!

I hate lying but I work somewhere that has become the norm to live any kind of normal life (think dr appointments, dentist, caring emergencies). Difficult Mangers get what they deserve.

I would lie. But not just for 1 day, I’d take a week off at least, preferably longer. Don’t do work related stress. Maybe general stress, some migraine related problem, women’s problems, etc.

Dont assume you’ll walk into another job. School jobs generally go to someone they already know. And lots of schools have a policy (unwritten) for no part timers other than mums coming back from mat leave for 12 months max.

Cynical bastard in me thinks you should tell them your pregnant and have a miscarriage.

But that’s incredibly cynical and somewhat terrible so probably don’t do that.

I wouldn't go.

The bride and groom could have easily had a cheaper wedding by having it on a Monday during the school holidays if it was important to them that you were there. No way I'd quit my job for that.

That said if it's really that you want to quit your job, then you just need to be honest about that with yourself. Remove the wedding from the equation and think about all the normal things you consider when deciding whether or not to leave a job. Can you get another one? Can you afford not to work for some time? How inconvenient will it be if you can't get the same shift pattern etc.

The employer can't refuse it but they can delay it, in this case HT could delay the request for leave by a couple of weeks and OP still doesn't get the Monday off.

Norovirus. No-one would want to see you with that. You get the Tuesday off too.

I think I’ve missed where you say when the wedding is, but sounds like it’s not until 2025.

I would look for a new jobs that ticks all your boxes between now and end of term.

If unsuccessful, lie. You say the wedding is miles away. How many miles? Other side of the country? Most likely the only way you could get found out is if there are guests at the wedding who are acquainted with other members of staff or (worst case scenario) parents or governors. How likely is that?

Apologies, no time to RTFT, so have just read the OP's posts.

It's tricky. I once declined to attend a wedding in similar circumstances. My friend didn't speak to me for several years and still brings it up on occasion. But I'd make the same decision again, every time. Giving up a job that suits you, or lying (and risking being caught out) for one day is not reasonable IMO. It's fair enough that the B&G want to save money, but that decision comes with compromises, unfortunately. Your DH should be supporting you in this BTW.

NB If it were the funeral of a close relative, it would be different and I'd be upfront with the school and let the chips fall where they may, but not a wedding.