To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

"If I resign now I can leave at Christmas" is such a batshit statement to be making about a part time job, isn't it?

And yet those are the rules. If you hand in your notice now, you can't leave till Christmas.

People posting about how the HT should be reasonable should bear in mind that the above is how teaching works. It's not a reasonable job with reasonable expectations.

Because to some people having any kind of life as a teacher shows lack of commitment.

I think it’s absolute madness that you would quit your job over not being able to have a day off, just to attend a wedding!

That’s ridiculous!

It’s a wedding, it’s not that big of a deal.
Unless it’s your own wedding then you absolutely not give up your job over anyone else’s.

If you’re desperate to go and you know they won’t let you have time off, then just phone in sick.

These family members obviously aren’t that fussed if people can’t make it, else they wouldn’t choose to have it on a Monday.
So I don’t know why you’re bending over backwards and willing to quit your job over them.

I would either tell the school that I won’t be in on that day whether they gave permission or not or go off sick. You’re thinking about resigning anyway, so if they sack you, you won’t be too devastated.

The HT has to agreed the unpaid leave, and from what the OP says, they won't.

I understand the issue, I've also worked in schools with zero flexibility. A colleague of mine was refused a
day to attend her sister's wedding.

No reference, though. Being sacked isn’t great for the CV…

Such an odd attitude to have in the job that you do. Weddings aren’t compulsory and anyone thinking badly of you not attending when they’ve made it such a difficult day to attend isn’t a friend. I’d make sure you had your priorities in order before you make decisions such as quitting your job.

I got declined leave for my own wedding well in advance!!! In that scenario I moved jobs. But I was in a normal office job as a junior and they were just being weird.

i think that there must be some underlying issues here to believe your only two options are quit your job and attend wedding or fret over lying. Not going imo would be top place being a teacher in this scenario, everyone knows how difficult schools are finding it to recruit etc. and therefore no one can cover you.

Bride and groom arranged for a day you can’t go and so clearly aren’t bothered if you’re there but you’d quit your job over it? I think it sounds like an excuse to quit as you’re unhappy there. By all means get another job, maybe supply so it can be part time and you’re in control, but quitting for a party for people who aren’t that fussed if you make it seems rather one sided to me.

If people get married on a Monday then they have to accept they’re putting guests in a real bind. Look at the absolute hassle and stress this has now given you and you’re still worrying about their feelings rather than your own which are already negatively affected.

I would say you’re so sorry but you are unable to attend as school have refused your request for absence. Yes they’re close family , but they’re people who have put you in a difficult position and don’t care what the effect is on you.

I personally wouldn't resign especially if part time jobs are hard to come by. If the close relative decided to have their wedding on a Monday then they should expect that some people who can't get out of work may not be able to attend. I would weigh up what the one day means to me vs having a part time job that suits my lifestyle that I may not be able to replace.

I would quit. Gives you something else to look forward to.
If you are seriously thinking about quitting there's obviously more going on.

Teaching is great for moving around. There's lots of schools private, SEN, tutouring well being, LA eduction roles that value a teaching qualification. Keep moving I think.

I don’t know why so many think it’s insane to leave a job over this. I would hate to work somewhere that’s so inflexible that you can’t take a particular day off with months notice.

I just saw this is your in laws’ family not your own, and notwithstanding you still feel obligated.
So you’ll have to resign in order to attend. If they find that out, will they care or will they just be glad you’re at the wedding and think no more about it.

A lot of people do seem to think that the bride and groom have thoughtlessly at best booked a Monday and will kick up a fuss if I don’t attend. That’s not really accurate. I do think it’s reasonable to want to attend a family wedding with my own husband, children and their grandparents - that’s all really!

I can’t really complain about the Monday wedding as my own wedding was on a Thursday!

@dancingrainbows a job that pays the bills is better than a one day wedding.

If they're so keen for you to be there, they should have planned the wedding to take place on a day you could attend

If people book a Monday wedding they're going to have to accept that people can't come, you can't quit your job over it! Just don't go, in life we often have to do things we don't want to do/miss out on things, that's just being an adult.

Is it a church wedding, OP or a register office one?

Would the cost saving they would gain from marrying on that Monday be really substantial?

Would you be able to go on another day? I can't help but wonder, if you are very dear to them, why they didn't make a point of choosing a day on which you could go.

Are they really young, by the way?

I think you should ask as you never know. Then when they refuse resign. Reading between the lines you feel quite resentful that the school is so inflexible and it is stressing you that there might be an occasion when you do have to rush off and they will say no. There are loads of teaching jobs out there - part time too. Lots of mums returning to work are happy to work part time. Go with your heart this time and not with your head. Life is too short to be missing out on family time.

That's all very well, but you have a job with fixed holidays and you knew that when you accepted the job

I, too. And I'd be asking some searching questions about my family relationships, and about why my initial response was to take the extreme measure of either compromising my integrity or leaving my job as opposed to politely telling them the legitimate reason why I couldn't attend.

It's just a wedding. The recent idea that these events should be attended practically under duress is incomprehensible to me.

How much do you need the income?

Because what I'm getting is you are ready to quit this school have some family support to do so - but are worried about finding the next job.

Have you looked at supply options - do you have childcare to do that? If P/T teaching is hard would you look at other p/t options workwise.

Not really, I work across multiple schools and it would be permitted as a one off (possibly even welcomed to save a days pay!).

I'd explain the situation again and let them know you absolutely want to attend.

Supply is tricky - and not very well paid. I probably wouldn’t do that but if I had a period as a SAHM it probably wouldn’t be the end of the world either. My responses re the bride and groom aren’t being read so no point repeating myself!

I would definitely make it the schools problem. Be honest with them, if they are understaffed are they prepared to lose you over one day? Tell them your options if they value you they will work it out. If they point blank refuse and make you choose something that is important to you - then there is your answer and maybe it's time to move on.