To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

@RampantIvy ironically, I know 3 teachers who had weekday weddings. The shock! The horror!

None of the teaching unions would be able to do anything about this. A day off for a wedding is at the discretion of the HT.

If it was my wedding, I would in no way want you to come if it meant you losing your job.

The couple getting married are young and strapped for cash - I get it that a week day wedding works for them. But you just can’t sacrifice your career, part-time working, security for your children for someone’s wedding, no matter who they are.

You could accept the wedding invitation, profess to be very excited about attending but “go down with a terrible tummy bug” the morning of it. So your husband and kids go alone and you go to work.

Relatives don’t get arsey and you keep your job but you do unfortunately miss a wedding you’d have liked to attend.

if you do resign to attend is part time supply teaching an option?

If you decide it is worth resigning over gp in with 2 letters -.one requesting leave and the other resigning - and tell the ht they can choose which one they accept.

A teacher quiting a job over a silly wedding ...arnt teachers supposed to be mature? Just decline the invite. Who on earth had a wedding on a Monday?! The person who decided this knows you won't get this off.

@FinallyHere I think the issue is, when planning a wedding, it is almost impossible to plan for potentially 100 guests and varying degrees of inflexible employer. In most jobs having 6 months plus notice for one day off would be no issue. Other schools would not be so inflexible,as other teachers on the thread have said. It is an oversight, but not one that I think is malicious.

PS. Thanks on the name compliment. I was shocked that I was able to nab it. I know I'm not the only Discworld fan here!

The only people I would quit my job for would be if it was one of my children’s wedding (but they wouldn’t do a weekday anyway). Any other relative (and the fact they chose a week day) I wouldn’t leave my job (ie so not go to the wedding), unless I was already looking for an excuse to leave it anyway.

But that wouldn't happen to a manager who managed differently would it? The manager who doesn't allow time off isn't going to be surprised and suddenly wonder why the employee is acting like that

Either they have no choice but to implement policy from above or they set the policy and would accept the resignation otherwise word would soon get round that you can have time off if you say you're going to leave if you dont get it

There you have it : you want to go.
Given what you've told us, I agree with PPs who have said you should present the Head Teacher with an ultimatum : they give you the day off, they change your working days so next year you have Mondays off or you resign.
And start looking for a job in a school where they treat their staff better.

If you felt you were under to pressure to go to the wedding , but actually weren't bothered then it would be different, but life is about making choices and this might just be the push you need to look for a better job.

Call in with a migraine!

Why dont you ask for a different Monday by "mistake" to test the waters?

Eg. the wedding is 1st March, so ask for the 1st Feb. When/if it is denied you will still then work the 1st Feb, but be "off sick" the 1st March.

If it DOES happen to be approved, then "oops sorry - I put the wrong month" and just change it, giving them more time to get supply in.

If it is a definite "No", then there is your answer

Personally I would make sure I have cover for that lesson, surely the teacher you share with could swap for one day and you cover their shift. That way the class still have the same staff just different days that week, then go and tell the head teacher you have swapped due to family circumstances .

i wouldn’t be asking for it off, I’d tell I had sorted cover to get it off.

I wouldn’t be quitting a job for a wedding either, that’s just OTT.

I think this is a pretty good idea.

@dancingrainbows have you told your relatives that the only way you can attend is to quit your job? Surely the stark reality of that will jolt them into realising that they are being completely unreasonable for being upset that you're not there?!

That's not fair on the children or the person who has to try and find cover at no notice, I'm assuming that isn't going to be the HT

And a bit weird unless she already suffers with migraines

I feel like there’s a bigger issue here. I don’t think it’s about the wedding, I think you’re feeling like you don’t want to be in a job where you don’t have any work / life balance.
The wedding is just the tip of the iceberg which is showing you that if you can’t take a day off for a significant family event, how many other events are you going to have to miss?
Birthdays, anniversaries, kids being ill, kids’ first days at school, nativities, assemblies, appointments, funerals etc. Having such a strict HT is not going to work well with a young family.

Thats actually a good suggestion, I know @dancingrainbows said they can't comprehend not being able to take a day off but surely they can understand that concept

I don't think she "shares" with another teacher?
She has a part time timetable rather than a job share.

It's the nature of the beast, being a teacher unless its an emergency, and a wedding is not an emergency. A close family members funeral would be different I suppose.
If you have already been declined the day off then call in sick, won't that look a bit dodgy?
Regarding a Monday wedding, they probably chose that because it's cheaper. I've been to 2 or 3 Thursday weddings (,including my DS's) set in a beautiful area of the UK, and to book a weekday wedding rather than weekend, it was literally half the price

This is where the lack of understanding comes in @2chocolateoranges . It doesn’t matter if you sort cover. As far as they are concerned you are timetabled to be in so you are, even if you’re not teaching.

@TheLadyOfTheFlowers that wouldn’t be a bad idea … if I thought there was a chance they’d approve it but I know they won’t.

Who arranges a wedding on a Monday and thinks people will just take leave?

I don't care how close a relative is, I'm not wasting a precious day of AL for that!
Very UR of them, and you are absolutely mad to think of resigning over someone else's wedding!

How close are you two? Lots of people would struggle to get to a Monday wedding. I'd either not go or give up the job if it's that important that you do go.

Call in sick. Make sure nobody posts photos of you on social media that day. Or if they did, have a story that you’d been to the wedding at the weekend and got food poisoning.

What would a union do? The head is not breaking any employment laws by declining the leave request.