Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First date - is this not a bit weird of him??

479 replies

Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:33

I joined an old fashioned dating agency a month ago and was sent a match last week. The way it works is that if you like the look of the profile of the guy you let the agency know, and they then contact the man to let him know to contact you, and they give him your number,

So far so good, man, let's call him John rang me on Tuesday to see if I would like to meet up. I suggested we meet up in a city that's half way between us both, (we both live rurally) initially I suggested coffee but he said he would like to go for lunch so I said that's fine, pick a restaurant and let me know which one and I'll see you there at 2pm Saturday.

I waited to hear back which restaurant he was choosing. Yesterday he messaged me to ask where I would be parking so that he could choose a place that's within walking distance of where I parked. (Which I thought was considerate of him.) I told him where I was parking and heard nothing back until just now when he messaged me to say that if it's ok, he'll contact me at 2-ish tomorrow to let me know where he is.

Aibu to find that bizarre and more than a little annoying? He's had 3 days to figure out a restaurant, it's not that hard to settle on a place. And we were meant to be meeting at 2 so what's with the "I'll message you at 2ish" about?? So I'm meant to drive an hour to get to the city , and park and then wait to be given my instructions ... 🤨 I'm a bit unimpressed to be honest.

He did say a couple days ago when we chatted on phone that as he lives rurally an hour from this city he's not too familiar with the restaurants but we all know how to google these days, it's not that hard.

I just think it's weird. I was already a bit nervous of this date as it's my first time getting out there since my divorce and now this has kind of thrown me and I don't know what to respond to him .. can anyone advise?

OP posts:
Yojoo · 15/06/2024 18:17

Great update.

Regarding the poster who said it’s presumptuous to suggest lunch for a first date although Op didn’t in this case it’s perfectly fine for a woman to suggest going for a meal if a man asks her out on a date.

It may not be for everyone and a man is obviously able to counter that and say they’d prefer a coffee instead but IME it’s been absolutely fine. You don’t need to wait for third date to eat food.

I’ve only had a couple of men invite me out for coffee only, and interestingly enough both were flaky and tried changing the dates at last minute and messing me about basically so I just eventually declined. They done me a favour actually. It was going to cost me over £10 to travel to a mutual city and as a woman I’m more likely to spend more effort than them getting ready (and they were both the kind of men who liked well groomed women) so it didn’t seem worth it for me to make all that effort only for a coffee.

I prefer to invest time into men who are happy to make the effort to meet for a meal. You can get places that serve lunch for a reasonable amount.

I’ve never had a bad date partly because I get a sense of men before I meet them. If I think I won’t be able to tolerate them for an hour lunch they’re not for me.

Actually on reflection I suspect the two men I encountered who only offered coffee dates are serial daters and they’re juggling a lot of women which is why they were so flaky.

BustyLaRoux · 15/06/2024 18:32

How did it go??

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 15/06/2024 18:44

@BustyLaRoux

I'm waiting too,

I've allowed 2 hours for the afternoon tea and an hours ? drive home...

maybe they went for a walk after tea ?

and the Op did say she had some things she wanted to do whilst in town, maybe she did them after the date rather than before ?

dazzlingdoll · 15/06/2024 18:53

Just read the thread and waiting on update

MamaSleep · 15/06/2024 19:06

Hope it went well, OP

Augustus40 · 15/06/2024 19:11

Sadly for many men their time management skills and social wherewithal can be poor.

CoolShoeshine · 15/06/2024 19:13

Has the afternoon tea turned into dinner...?
Hoping for a good update op!!

MasterOfCake · 15/06/2024 19:19

Is anyone else hoping that as OP hasn’t returned for an update, she’s still out on her date…?

Mrsredlipstick · 15/06/2024 19:20

F

buntymcfun · 15/06/2024 19:22

Invested!!!

grangoose · 15/06/2024 19:22

So you suggested coffee in the morning, he said lunch but didn't choose a place and now says tea in a hotel? Is he hoping to stretch it out and, avoiding supper, then offer to get a room? :) I'd be very wary.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 15/06/2024 19:23

grangoose · 15/06/2024 19:22

So you suggested coffee in the morning, he said lunch but didn't choose a place and now says tea in a hotel? Is he hoping to stretch it out and, avoiding supper, then offer to get a room? :) I'd be very wary.

He did book something, afternoon tea at a fancy hotel for 2.00pm

PriOn1 · 15/06/2024 19:26

This afternoon tea is lasting a long time! Hopefully that means it’s going well.

AhBiscuits · 15/06/2024 19:33

I need to know how this went 😁

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 15/06/2024 19:37

I think they have gone for a long walk by the river and stopped off for drinks and dinner.

NotARealWookiie · 15/06/2024 19:42

Particularly interested to hear about the pastries and quality of tea cup in the afternoon tea OP. Do update us when you get a chance!

Bababa2456 · 15/06/2024 19:47

grangoose · 15/06/2024 19:22

So you suggested coffee in the morning, he said lunch but didn't choose a place and now says tea in a hotel? Is he hoping to stretch it out and, avoiding supper, then offer to get a room? :) I'd be very wary.

What a spoil sport you are.

Whylurkwhenicanjoinin · 15/06/2024 19:52

Im invested too, waiting with baited breath!

MrsPositivity1 · 15/06/2024 20:02

Hope it went well

countrysidelife2024 · 15/06/2024 20:04

Did it go well :)

Flamingogirl08 · 15/06/2024 20:09

Yeah I need to know what happened now!

Gemmy96 · 15/06/2024 20:15

It's odd and, maybe me being paranoid, I'd worry he was doing this to stop me from telling friends/family where I was meeting him in advance

FawnFrenchieMum · 15/06/2024 20:20

Here for the update! Hoping it went well!

TravelInsuranceQ · 15/06/2024 20:21

Gemmy96 · 15/06/2024 20:15

It's odd and, maybe me being paranoid, I'd worry he was doing this to stop me from telling friends/family where I was meeting him in advance

It's easy to be paranoid when you haven't read the updates.... 🙄

Gemmy96 · 15/06/2024 20:22

TravelInsuranceQ · 15/06/2024 20:21

It's easy to be paranoid when you haven't read the updates.... 🙄

Show quote history

There are nine pages of comments. I'm not reading all that

Swipe left for the next trending thread