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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First date - is this not a bit weird of him??

479 replies

Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:33

I joined an old fashioned dating agency a month ago and was sent a match last week. The way it works is that if you like the look of the profile of the guy you let the agency know, and they then contact the man to let him know to contact you, and they give him your number,

So far so good, man, let's call him John rang me on Tuesday to see if I would like to meet up. I suggested we meet up in a city that's half way between us both, (we both live rurally) initially I suggested coffee but he said he would like to go for lunch so I said that's fine, pick a restaurant and let me know which one and I'll see you there at 2pm Saturday.

I waited to hear back which restaurant he was choosing. Yesterday he messaged me to ask where I would be parking so that he could choose a place that's within walking distance of where I parked. (Which I thought was considerate of him.) I told him where I was parking and heard nothing back until just now when he messaged me to say that if it's ok, he'll contact me at 2-ish tomorrow to let me know where he is.

Aibu to find that bizarre and more than a little annoying? He's had 3 days to figure out a restaurant, it's not that hard to settle on a place. And we were meant to be meeting at 2 so what's with the "I'll message you at 2ish" about?? So I'm meant to drive an hour to get to the city , and park and then wait to be given my instructions ... 🤨 I'm a bit unimpressed to be honest.

He did say a couple days ago when we chatted on phone that as he lives rurally an hour from this city he's not too familiar with the restaurants but we all know how to google these days, it's not that hard.

I just think it's weird. I was already a bit nervous of this date as it's my first time getting out there since my divorce and now this has kind of thrown me and I don't know what to respond to him .. can anyone advise?

OP posts:
HowDidJudithSurvive · 14/06/2024 21:35

I wouldn’t be impressed with the vague I will phone you around 2ish.

Original poster
Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:35

This was his exact WhatsApp message:

"Hi Lilifer...hope this finds you well.
I'll let u know at 2ish tomorrow where I am ...if that's ok..."

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:36

HowDidJudithSurvive · 14/06/2024 21:35

I wouldn’t be impressed with the vague I will phone you around 2ish.

I'm not but I'm not too sure how to respond to it, in an assertive but friendly way 😔

OP posts:
JeepJeepJeep · 14/06/2024 21:37

I wouldn't park where you said you would. Just to be safe.

That's if you go.

FawnFrenchieMum · 14/06/2024 21:37

Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:35

This was his exact WhatsApp message:

"Hi Lilifer...hope this finds you well.
I'll let u know at 2ish tomorrow where I am ...if that's ok..."

Hi John. Would prefer to have some definite plans before I set off. Let me know where you have booked or let me know if I should book somewhere. Looking forward to it, Liifer

Churchview · 14/06/2024 21:38

He knows where you're parking and isn't giving you the option to meet in the safety of a restaurant.

Are you parking somewhere very safe and public?

SharpAzureMaker · 14/06/2024 21:38

I've not used an agency before but presume they do some vetting/ID checking and if he's a nutter/behaves badly/stands you up, you can report him?

In that case, I'd contact him to clarify or pick a place yourself and tell him....perhaps he thinks he needs to set up a nice date-date when you just want to meet and talk!

In which case I'd just find a Starbucks or central pub and tell him to meet you there. Take the pressure off. Somewhere you're comfortable with and where you won't be too nervous if you're there early and waiting.

Lovemusic82 · 14/06/2024 21:39

Maybe chose a restaurant and just message saying “shall we meet at such and such?” . Maybe he’s not that good at making choices?

I would be a bit annoyed going into a city, parking up and then waiting for him to say where he is. You could just tell him that you would rather sort out where you are going before you get there and suggest a few places.

pictoosh · 14/06/2024 21:39

FawnFrenchieMum · 14/06/2024 21:37

Hi John. Would prefer to have some definite plans before I set off. Let me know where you have booked or let me know if I should book somewhere. Looking forward to it, Liifer

Show quote history

Ideal. Send that.

Original poster
Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:40

JeepJeepJeep · 14/06/2024 21:37

I wouldn't park where you said you would. Just to be safe.

That's if you go.

Oh the parking thing is fine, it's one of those massive car parks under a John Lewis and massive shopping centre he would have no idea which car I was in or even what I drive

OP posts:
Frasers · 14/06/2024 21:41

Suspect he wants to get there early and walk around to see what looks nice and has the right sort of ambience.

Scampuss · 14/06/2024 21:41

If you know the area better than he does, why don't you suggest somewhere?

SharpAzureMaker · 14/06/2024 21:41

Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:35

This was his exact WhatsApp message:

"Hi Lilifer...hope this finds you well.
I'll let u know at 2ish tomorrow where I am ...if that's ok..."

"Hi Date,

Ok, I've had a look and there's a Costa on Smith Street (map below)! I'll see you there at 2pm?

Look forward to it, L x "

Original poster
Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:41

Hi John. Would prefer to have some definite plans before I set off. Let me know where you have booked or let me know if I should book somewhere. Looking forward to it, Liifer

I like that, exactly the tone I'm after thanks

OP posts:
BlamBlamBlam · 14/06/2024 21:43

Just take control and suggest somewhere, tell him where to meet you!

Olika · 14/06/2024 21:43

This would annoy me a lot. Sounds like he doesn't know where to go so he is just going to choose the place when he is there.

Mydahliasareshit · 14/06/2024 21:43

Anyone else think OP will get all the way there and he'll be in Wetherspoons?

Original poster
Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:44

SharpAzureMaker · 14/06/2024 21:38

I've not used an agency before but presume they do some vetting/ID checking and if he's a nutter/behaves badly/stands you up, you can report him?

In that case, I'd contact him to clarify or pick a place yourself and tell him....perhaps he thinks he needs to set up a nice date-date when you just want to meet and talk!

In which case I'd just find a Starbucks or central pub and tell him to meet you there. Take the pressure off. Somewhere you're comfortable with and where you won't be too nervous if you're there early and waiting.

Yes it's a quite expensive agency and they do vetting etc and you can report any bad behaviour. This is my first time using it (I don't know how much if any he has used it before as I planned to find all that out tomorrow.

It seemed earlier in the week that he wanted to somewhere nice as he seemed to want time to look into good places but to come up with nothing but a vague I'll call you scenario after 3 days is a bit useless of him and a bad start

OP posts:
Frasers · 14/06/2024 21:45

Meh, I am not sure it’s a bad start, I hate booking places in cities I don’t know. I’ve no idea and am busy. So I think wanting to go and wander round and find the right place, which thus clearly is. Is fine.

Original poster
Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:46

Frasers · 14/06/2024 21:41

Suspect he wants to get there early and walk around to see what looks nice and has the right sort of ambience.

Well I did wonder that, and if so that kind of nice, but still a little odd, but on the off chance it's that then I didn't want to go in all guns blazing to take over an book myself. To be honest as a single parent I have to make so many choices all the time for me kids it was nice letting someone else do that for me for a change

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:47

Mydahliasareshit · 14/06/2024 21:43

Anyone else think OP will get all the way there and he'll be in Wetherspoons?

😂😂😂 that prospect had occurred to me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:48

But if the guy can't even pick a cafe/eaterie in advance for a first date, it's not exactly inspiring is it 🤔

OP posts:
Frasers · 14/06/2024 21:48

Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:46

Well I did wonder that, and if so that kind of nice, but still a little odd, but on the off chance it's that then I didn't want to go in all guns blazing to take over an book myself. To be honest as a single parent I have to make so many choices all the time for me kids it was nice letting someone else do that for me for a change

Show quote history

Honestly just calm down about it all.

Churchview · 14/06/2024 21:51

You've not met him and he's already leaving you hanging, messing you about, making you second guess him and tread on egg shells.

If he wanted to find somewhere nice he could have gone on line, looked at reviews or driving up one evening to have a look around. Anyone worth bothering with would just have said, 'I'll see you at 2 at Nandos/The Ivy/The Ritz - is that OK for you?'.

I couldn't be bothered with it.

NoSnowdrop · 14/06/2024 21:51

I think I’d be annoyed with him not choosing somewhere to meet you at 2pm after all it was him wanting to do lunch not meet for coffee.

can you suggest let’s stick to original coffee suggestion and tell him where you’ll be at 2pm? If the date goes well you can always head off for food later or lunch next date?