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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First date - is this not a bit weird of him??

479 replies

Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:33

I joined an old fashioned dating agency a month ago and was sent a match last week. The way it works is that if you like the look of the profile of the guy you let the agency know, and they then contact the man to let him know to contact you, and they give him your number,

So far so good, man, let's call him John rang me on Tuesday to see if I would like to meet up. I suggested we meet up in a city that's half way between us both, (we both live rurally) initially I suggested coffee but he said he would like to go for lunch so I said that's fine, pick a restaurant and let me know which one and I'll see you there at 2pm Saturday.

I waited to hear back which restaurant he was choosing. Yesterday he messaged me to ask where I would be parking so that he could choose a place that's within walking distance of where I parked. (Which I thought was considerate of him.) I told him where I was parking and heard nothing back until just now when he messaged me to say that if it's ok, he'll contact me at 2-ish tomorrow to let me know where he is.

Aibu to find that bizarre and more than a little annoying? He's had 3 days to figure out a restaurant, it's not that hard to settle on a place. And we were meant to be meeting at 2 so what's with the "I'll message you at 2ish" about?? So I'm meant to drive an hour to get to the city , and park and then wait to be given my instructions ... 🤨 I'm a bit unimpressed to be honest.

He did say a couple days ago when we chatted on phone that as he lives rurally an hour from this city he's not too familiar with the restaurants but we all know how to google these days, it's not that hard.

I just think it's weird. I was already a bit nervous of this date as it's my first time getting out there since my divorce and now this has kind of thrown me and I don't know what to respond to him .. can anyone advise?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilifer · 16/06/2024 12:35

Bababa2456 · 16/06/2024 12:19

My take on this is that on a first date either the sparks fly and you want to rip his clothes off, or you are neutral and open to being more attracted to him in time.

The 2 hour distance- well, you would have known this in advance ?
And the working overseas for half the year- ditto?

I think you're using those as excuses and the fact is he just doesn't do it for you.

Fair enough.

Probably right I think

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilifer · 16/06/2024 12:37

hopeishere · 16/06/2024 12:25

What a lovely place for a first date!! Their afternoon tea is lovely! I think you should give him a second chance!

Aw well it was nice, but I know myself well enough that he's a nice man but not for me, not cos of the distance as I live quite rural and am prepared to travel, my kids are all late teens young adults, don't mind the working abroad either as that actually would make it easier cos he wouldn't demand much of my time, it's just gut instinct I think

OP posts:
Olika · 16/06/2024 12:39

If you are not feeling it no point to see him again. There has to be something that makes you want to see a person again and from how you are talking about him I cannot see there being that something.

travelforthesoul · 16/06/2024 13:09

Im glad you had a nice time - especially as it is your first first date again after everything.

I think height is a bit of a deal breaker - for me at least. And dont apologise for it, its personal preference, the same as men may prefer petite or voluptuous women.

My first date with my now husband was good, there was a spark though - you need that attraction as well as all the other things.

MasterOfCake · 16/06/2024 13:18

ReadingSoManyThreads · 16/06/2024 01:17

I asked because something you said about him made me think I might know who it is, and if it did happen to be the same person, there are some things you should know!!

Show quote history

Do you honestly believe K is the only person in the entire world who is bad at arranging a first date? How very odd.

Stevie66j · 16/06/2024 17:55

2pm seems a little late to do ‘ lunch …..
I have to say , it’s not a great start .
my feeling is that he should have accepted coffee as it was your suggestion & far more preferable than risking having to sit through lunch in what might be an uncomfortable atmosphere .

Havinganamechange · 16/06/2024 18:05

The super paranoid version of me that has watched too many criminal minds episodes would not have told him where I was parking. I would think he was planning to kidnap me or something 🤦🏼‍♀️😂😂😂

Lilywc · 16/06/2024 18:13

Don’t go he sounds weird or married

Smugglerstop · 16/06/2024 18:34

He's waiting to see what you look like in person in the carpark then he won't contact you for lunch if he doesn't like the look of you. Absolute coward.

MasterOfCake · 16/06/2024 18:37

Stevie66j · 16/06/2024 17:55

2pm seems a little late to do ‘ lunch …..
I have to say , it’s not a great start .
my feeling is that he should have accepted coffee as it was your suggestion & far more preferable than risking having to sit through lunch in what might be an uncomfortable atmosphere .

That’s exactly the time I would arrange to meet a friend for lunch!

MasterOfCake · 16/06/2024 18:39

Smugglerstop · 16/06/2024 18:34

He's waiting to see what you look like in person in the carpark then he won't contact you for lunch if he doesn't like the look of you. Absolute coward.

😂😂😂

At least read OP’s posts before posting such nonsense!

Frogandfish · 16/06/2024 18:39

Smugglerstop · 16/06/2024 18:34

He's waiting to see what you look like in person in the carpark then he won't contact you for lunch if he doesn't like the look of you. Absolute coward.

Yep that's absolutely what's going to happen. Oh wait...

Judecb · 16/06/2024 18:44

Give him the benefit of the doubt, but I'd also message back to say that doesn't suit you and that you'd rather know where you were going before you set off .... I'd also follow that by suggesting you make the booking.

RubyWasp · 16/06/2024 19:43

Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:33

I joined an old fashioned dating agency a month ago and was sent a match last week. The way it works is that if you like the look of the profile of the guy you let the agency know, and they then contact the man to let him know to contact you, and they give him your number,

So far so good, man, let's call him John rang me on Tuesday to see if I would like to meet up. I suggested we meet up in a city that's half way between us both, (we both live rurally) initially I suggested coffee but he said he would like to go for lunch so I said that's fine, pick a restaurant and let me know which one and I'll see you there at 2pm Saturday.

I waited to hear back which restaurant he was choosing. Yesterday he messaged me to ask where I would be parking so that he could choose a place that's within walking distance of where I parked. (Which I thought was considerate of him.) I told him where I was parking and heard nothing back until just now when he messaged me to say that if it's ok, he'll contact me at 2-ish tomorrow to let me know where he is.

Aibu to find that bizarre and more than a little annoying? He's had 3 days to figure out a restaurant, it's not that hard to settle on a place. And we were meant to be meeting at 2 so what's with the "I'll message you at 2ish" about?? So I'm meant to drive an hour to get to the city , and park and then wait to be given my instructions ... 🤨 I'm a bit unimpressed to be honest.

He did say a couple days ago when we chatted on phone that as he lives rurally an hour from this city he's not too familiar with the restaurants but we all know how to google these days, it's not that hard.

I just think it's weird. I was already a bit nervous of this date as it's my first time getting out there since my divorce and now this has kind of thrown me and I don't know what to respond to him .. can anyone advise?

Unfortunately he is being vague in case who he’s really wanting to have lunch makes a solid plan with him. Or he’s double booked you in case one doesn’t show up. Leave him where he is, in limbo land.

User364837 · 16/06/2024 20:29

@Lilifer OP I’m curious, does the agency let him down gently for you? Do you just tell them yay or nay and they pass that on? I’d like that because that’s the bit I don’t like at all!

AthenaBasil · 16/06/2024 20:38

RubyWasp · 16/06/2024 19:43

Unfortunately he is being vague in case who he’s really wanting to have lunch makes a solid plan with him. Or he’s double booked you in case one doesn’t show up. Leave him where he is, in limbo land.

Show quote history

Read the thread. They’ve already met.

aLittleWhiteHorse · 16/06/2024 21:15

Ooh - I am in NI and now I’m curious as which agency you used?

RedRec · 16/06/2024 21:38

I swear I have never seen any other thread where so many people fail to read any updates!

EveryOtherNameTaken · 16/06/2024 21:48

RedRec · 16/06/2024 21:38

I swear I have never seen any other thread where so many people fail to read any updates!

So fucking frustrating!

Quoting OP's original thread (always completely pointless) and making suggestions a whole day after the event is over 🙄

HollyKnight · 16/06/2024 21:51

This thread will go quiet, then someone will bump it in 3 months and people will still reply with "Don't do it, OP. He wants to see you first then decide."

Original poster
Lilifer · 16/06/2024 22:49

HollyKnight · 16/06/2024 21:51

This thread will go quiet, then someone will bump it in 3 months and people will still reply with "Don't do it, OP. He wants to see you first then decide."

😂😂😂 setting my timer ⏱️

OP posts:
PUGMEISTER21 · 16/06/2024 22:51

JeepJeepJeep · 14/06/2024 21:37

I wouldn't park where you said you would. Just to be safe.

That's if you go.

Reply with "great, just let me know which restaurant we are meeting in and i will see you there at 2"

Original poster
Lilifer · 16/06/2024 23:00

aLittleWhiteHorse · 16/06/2024 21:15

Ooh - I am in NI and now I’m curious as which agency you used?

I used TwosCompany.ie - they cover the whole of the island of Ireland

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilifer · 16/06/2024 23:04

User364837 · 16/06/2024 20:29

@Lilifer OP I’m curious, does the agency let him down gently for you? Do you just tell them yay or nay and they pass that on? I’d like that because that’s the bit I don’t like at all!

You have to contact the guy and let him know if you would like to see him again, or not. I spent quite a while composing as kind a message as I could, sent a to him and he replied back saying that he agreed that "the stars didn't quite align for us" but wished me well on my dating journey, so that was all fine.
And then I get back to the agency to let them know so that they know to send me the next match for me, whenever they reckon they've found someone possibly compatible,

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 16/06/2024 23:43

RedRec · 16/06/2024 21:38

I swear I have never seen any other thread where so many people fail to read any updates!

Try the 'get a key safe' one. Worse than the 'cancel the cheque' debacle.