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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First date - is this not a bit weird of him??

479 replies

Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:33

I joined an old fashioned dating agency a month ago and was sent a match last week. The way it works is that if you like the look of the profile of the guy you let the agency know, and they then contact the man to let him know to contact you, and they give him your number,

So far so good, man, let's call him John rang me on Tuesday to see if I would like to meet up. I suggested we meet up in a city that's half way between us both, (we both live rurally) initially I suggested coffee but he said he would like to go for lunch so I said that's fine, pick a restaurant and let me know which one and I'll see you there at 2pm Saturday.

I waited to hear back which restaurant he was choosing. Yesterday he messaged me to ask where I would be parking so that he could choose a place that's within walking distance of where I parked. (Which I thought was considerate of him.) I told him where I was parking and heard nothing back until just now when he messaged me to say that if it's ok, he'll contact me at 2-ish tomorrow to let me know where he is.

Aibu to find that bizarre and more than a little annoying? He's had 3 days to figure out a restaurant, it's not that hard to settle on a place. And we were meant to be meeting at 2 so what's with the "I'll message you at 2ish" about?? So I'm meant to drive an hour to get to the city , and park and then wait to be given my instructions ... 🤨 I'm a bit unimpressed to be honest.

He did say a couple days ago when we chatted on phone that as he lives rurally an hour from this city he's not too familiar with the restaurants but we all know how to google these days, it's not that hard.

I just think it's weird. I was already a bit nervous of this date as it's my first time getting out there since my divorce and now this has kind of thrown me and I don't know what to respond to him .. can anyone advise?

OP posts:
Josmith83 · 16/06/2024 01:17

Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:33

I joined an old fashioned dating agency a month ago and was sent a match last week. The way it works is that if you like the look of the profile of the guy you let the agency know, and they then contact the man to let him know to contact you, and they give him your number,

So far so good, man, let's call him John rang me on Tuesday to see if I would like to meet up. I suggested we meet up in a city that's half way between us both, (we both live rurally) initially I suggested coffee but he said he would like to go for lunch so I said that's fine, pick a restaurant and let me know which one and I'll see you there at 2pm Saturday.

I waited to hear back which restaurant he was choosing. Yesterday he messaged me to ask where I would be parking so that he could choose a place that's within walking distance of where I parked. (Which I thought was considerate of him.) I told him where I was parking and heard nothing back until just now when he messaged me to say that if it's ok, he'll contact me at 2-ish tomorrow to let me know where he is.

Aibu to find that bizarre and more than a little annoying? He's had 3 days to figure out a restaurant, it's not that hard to settle on a place. And we were meant to be meeting at 2 so what's with the "I'll message you at 2ish" about?? So I'm meant to drive an hour to get to the city , and park and then wait to be given my instructions ... 🤨 I'm a bit unimpressed to be honest.

He did say a couple days ago when we chatted on phone that as he lives rurally an hour from this city he's not too familiar with the restaurants but we all know how to google these days, it's not that hard.

I just think it's weird. I was already a bit nervous of this date as it's my first time getting out there since my divorce and now this has kind of thrown me and I don't know what to respond to him .. can anyone advise?

I think he wants to get a look at you before he meets you. Does he know what car ur driving or do u know his?

CatAndHisKit · 16/06/2024 01:23

Glad you've enjoyed your date socially, OP, but tbh the agency should be doing the work of matching people, which includes the reasonable distance, at least SOME interest in common, similar outlook, and the fat that a woman with DC may not want a patrner who is abroad for half a year!
Who knows what their matching was based in this case, and if you stated you preferred taller men, that as well! Just going by similar educational level probably, lazy!😂

CatAndHisKit · 16/06/2024 01:25

(sorry about the typos!)

MoonBuggyBugBug · 16/06/2024 01:31

Josmith83 · 16/06/2024 01:17

I think he wants to get a look at you before he meets you. Does he know what car ur driving or do u know his?

Show quote history

I agree may also be this.

FunZebra · 16/06/2024 01:45

Josmith83 · 16/06/2024 01:17

I think he wants to get a look at you before he meets you. Does he know what car ur driving or do u know his?

Show quote history

The date started nearly 12 hours ago. At least read the OP’s posts.

marcopront · 16/06/2024 06:03

azlazee1 · 16/06/2024 01:05

I think I'd cancel. I don't like that he can't give you a specific public place to meet up at. Even if it was a street corner in the neighborhood

The date has happened

newnamethanks · 16/06/2024 06:25

No OP. Bin him now.

marcopront · 16/06/2024 06:28

@Gemmy96

There are nine pages of comments. I'm not reading all that

There is no obligation for you to post a reply.
If you are replying without reading at least the OP's comments then you are not posting to be helpful.

marcopront · 16/06/2024 06:30

newnamethanks · 16/06/2024 06:25

No OP. Bin him now.

The date has happened.

Why are you replying if you can't be bothered to read updates?

marcopront · 16/06/2024 06:33

Why do people think their advice is so good that it is relevant
a) without checking for updates
b) after the date has happened?

burnoutbabe · 16/06/2024 09:01

wellington77 · 16/06/2024 00:25

Personally the warning bells sounded when he asked where you will park, either he will watch you coming out the car to see if he likes you or not and if not will drive away or it’s stalker vibes and can follow you home after the date!

Edited

We'll date has happened!

But I think that can be a legit request anyway.
A Big town May have people arriving from either direction and parking in a car park on that side. So polite to suggest somewhere near that side to meet rather than the total opposite side and involve a long walk.

indianwoman · 16/06/2024 09:03

just out of curiosity, who paid? Or did you split it? I always think that if it were me, and I thought there was not going to be a second date I would go halves, or if I wasn’t sure. If we agreed a second date, i would let one person pay and the reciprocate on the next date.
what did you do? No judgement just curious!

indianwoman · 16/06/2024 09:05

marcopront · 16/06/2024 06:33

Why do people think their advice is so good that it is relevant
a) without checking for updates
b) after the date has happened?

Because they are lazy! Or haven’t taken the time to work out just how to see the OPs posts.
Same as people who post F or Following rather than bookmarking 🙄

Conniebygaslight · 16/06/2024 09:20

Lilifer · 15/06/2024 21:29

Yes I was relieved actually that he was just a nice normal guy, I have a good creep radar and I got good vibes off this one, but as u said we are quite different, different outlooks and interests and he works abroad half the year, it would be hard making it work and we also live two hours from each other, not impossible but difficult.

He definitely is a catch for someone but not for me. But it gives me hope going forward that the next one might be, or the one after that.

Really appreciate all the advice and interest from you all, honestly this is where mumsnet it at its best. ♥️

Sounds a good first date OP. Even though it wont go any further I hope it’s given you the confidence to do more x

Frogandfish · 16/06/2024 09:47

Sounds like a good date to me even if not necessarily true love! I enjoyed this aspect of dating. Obv not the creeps or anything, just meeting nice people I wouldn't have otherwise met and having a good chat. Hopefully the next one will be a better fit!

burnoutbabe · 16/06/2024 09:49

indianwoman · 16/06/2024 09:03

just out of curiosity, who paid? Or did you split it? I always think that if it were me, and I thought there was not going to be a second date I would go halves, or if I wasn’t sure. If we agreed a second date, i would let one person pay and the reciprocate on the next date.
what did you do? No judgement just curious!

See I am for equality anc would pay 50% of a date.

But that would be me suggesting coffees or a quick drink. Not an expensive afternoon tea!

So I think if you suggest something expensive yourself then you pay.

Frasers · 16/06/2024 10:08

ReadingSoManyThreads · 15/06/2024 23:37

Does his name begin with K by any chance @Lilifer ?

How very odd.

Yojoo · 16/06/2024 10:27

indianwoman · 16/06/2024 09:03

just out of curiosity, who paid? Or did you split it? I always think that if it were me, and I thought there was not going to be a second date I would go halves, or if I wasn’t sure. If we agreed a second date, i would let one person pay and the reciprocate on the next date.
what did you do? No judgement just curious!

I always offer to pay half or the whole thing. but men have always paid the whole thing for first few dates except one or two men back in my 20s.

If I wasn’t intending to see them again I’d probably push back a bit and insist they accept at least half Unless it was just a coffee.

Not sure though. I usually go on good dates with people I connect with and do want to see again.

Original poster
Lilifer · 16/06/2024 11:07

Well yes if we had just met for coffee as I suggested I would have paid half, or at least offered. But he was keen to go for a bite to eat and he insisted on paying - at that stage I wasn't sure if I was going to meet him again as was pleasantly surprised at how engaging he was after my first impression but I thought about it on the way home and realised that I would just be meeting him because he was nice and not becasue i felt attracted or drawn to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilifer · 16/06/2024 11:10

@ReadingSoManyThreads no his name didn't begin with K but intrigued to know know who K is now! 😅

OP posts:
HamishsMomma · 16/06/2024 11:18

I had afternoon tea at The Merchant two weeks ago - was so full had to have a doggy bag - but the whole experience was wonderful. Really luxurious place.

Original poster
Lilifer · 16/06/2024 11:30

HamishsMomma · 16/06/2024 11:18

I had afternoon tea at The Merchant two weeks ago - was so full had to have a doggy bag - but the whole experience was wonderful. Really luxurious place.

It was fab but we couldn't finish it eaither and had to pack up a doggy bag with some lovely cakes!

OP posts:
SoftandQuiet · 16/06/2024 11:36

This has really made me smile, nice to think you two had a lovely, afternoon tea in a fancy hotel. No drama.

Bababa2456 · 16/06/2024 12:19

My take on this is that on a first date either the sparks fly and you want to rip his clothes off, or you are neutral and open to being more attracted to him in time.

The 2 hour distance- well, you would have known this in advance ?
And the working overseas for half the year- ditto?

I think you're using those as excuses and the fact is he just doesn't do it for you.

Fair enough.

hopeishere · 16/06/2024 12:25

What a lovely place for a first date!! Their afternoon tea is lovely! I think you should give him a second chance!