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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First date - is this not a bit weird of him??

479 replies

Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:33

I joined an old fashioned dating agency a month ago and was sent a match last week. The way it works is that if you like the look of the profile of the guy you let the agency know, and they then contact the man to let him know to contact you, and they give him your number,

So far so good, man, let's call him John rang me on Tuesday to see if I would like to meet up. I suggested we meet up in a city that's half way between us both, (we both live rurally) initially I suggested coffee but he said he would like to go for lunch so I said that's fine, pick a restaurant and let me know which one and I'll see you there at 2pm Saturday.

I waited to hear back which restaurant he was choosing. Yesterday he messaged me to ask where I would be parking so that he could choose a place that's within walking distance of where I parked. (Which I thought was considerate of him.) I told him where I was parking and heard nothing back until just now when he messaged me to say that if it's ok, he'll contact me at 2-ish tomorrow to let me know where he is.

Aibu to find that bizarre and more than a little annoying? He's had 3 days to figure out a restaurant, it's not that hard to settle on a place. And we were meant to be meeting at 2 so what's with the "I'll message you at 2ish" about?? So I'm meant to drive an hour to get to the city , and park and then wait to be given my instructions ... 🤨 I'm a bit unimpressed to be honest.

He did say a couple days ago when we chatted on phone that as he lives rurally an hour from this city he's not too familiar with the restaurants but we all know how to google these days, it's not that hard.

I just think it's weird. I was already a bit nervous of this date as it's my first time getting out there since my divorce and now this has kind of thrown me and I don't know what to respond to him .. can anyone advise?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilifer · 15/06/2024 22:01

@AskingForAFriend12 really? Do you think I should give it another date to make sure?

I suppose I dont want to mess the guy about, but I didn't get that sense of clicking with him although we had no problem keeping the conversation going.

Also, and I know this is terribly superficial of me, but he's shorter than me, and I find that a bit odd too, not a deal breaker, but a little off putting 🙈 awful of me I know

OP posts:
dscisaknob · 15/06/2024 22:06

Lilifer · 15/06/2024 22:01

@AskingForAFriend12 really? Do you think I should give it another date to make sure?

I suppose I dont want to mess the guy about, but I didn't get that sense of clicking with him although we had no problem keeping the conversation going.

Also, and I know this is terribly superficial of me, but he's shorter than me, and I find that a bit odd too, not a deal breaker, but a little off putting 🙈 awful of me I know

Do you want someone who works abroad half the year? Because if you don't, I definitely wouldn't bother with a second date, nice as he is.

NeedANewOne25 · 15/06/2024 22:10

I think you would know if you wanted to carry on. My husband was not quite what I was looking for when we met, but he had sparkly eyes when he looked at me, no gaps in conversation, good chemistry, and here we are (married for 5 years)! DH is a little shorter than me but I don’t care. He’s amazing.

Date2date · 15/06/2024 22:15

@Lilifer what dating agency did you use? Similar situation and keen to use one myself rather than OLD, assuming the agency isnt local. Please pm the name if that's fine. Thanks.

Bing123 · 15/06/2024 22:16

I'm intrigued, I didn't know dating agencies were still a thing, I'd also like to know the name of the agency if you don't mind sharing or PMing please.

Original poster
Lilifer · 15/06/2024 22:20

Date2date · 15/06/2024 22:15

@Lilifer what dating agency did you use? Similar situation and keen to use one myself rather than OLD, assuming the agency isnt local. Please pm the name if that's fine. Thanks.

I'm in Ireland though so I'm assuming you're in uk so wouldn't be much use to you? But I can certainly dm you then name of it if you like?

I had ventured on to hinge and tinder but not dated from them as I found the guys flakey or creepy or married or all 3, so decided to sign up to an agency and see if I had any luck.

OP posts:
HRTQueen · 15/06/2024 22:22

You had a nice time out and that’s it

you don’t want to go further there is nothing wrong with that whatever the reason is

we don’t need to give them another chance just because they are (or appear to be) one of the nice ones

Original poster
Lilifer · 15/06/2024 22:22

There is a cost to signing up, and there are levels of membership at differing costs. Everyone is interviewed by the people who run the agency and they pick matches for you. I checked out a lot of ones, read their reviews, did my due diligence before picking this particular one.

OP posts:
Internationalpony · 15/06/2024 22:26

Lilifer · 15/06/2024 22:01

@AskingForAFriend12 really? Do you think I should give it another date to make sure?

I suppose I dont want to mess the guy about, but I didn't get that sense of clicking with him although we had no problem keeping the conversation going.

Also, and I know this is terribly superficial of me, but he's shorter than me, and I find that a bit odd too, not a deal breaker, but a little off putting 🙈 awful of me I know

Glad you had a nice time and it worked out well in the end OP.

I wouldn’t let the fact he works abroad put you off! If it works out you could spend half the year abroad with him - sounds like quite the adventure!

Having said that, it’s also a good way of letting him down gently if you aren’t interested - you could say that you had a great time and enjoyed his company but couldn’t see it working with him spending so much time abroad.

NonPlayerCharacter · 15/06/2024 22:36

Lilifer · 15/06/2024 22:01

@AskingForAFriend12 really? Do you think I should give it another date to make sure?

I suppose I dont want to mess the guy about, but I didn't get that sense of clicking with him although we had no problem keeping the conversation going.

Also, and I know this is terribly superficial of me, but he's shorter than me, and I find that a bit odd too, not a deal breaker, but a little off putting 🙈 awful of me I know

I don't see men apologising for not wanting to date women who are a bit overweight so I wouldn't worry about it. It sounds like he's a good person - as you say, a catch for someone - but the two of you just aren't a romantic match. Nothing to feel bad about and you enjoyed the date, which is a win.

Original poster
Lilifer · 15/06/2024 22:48

@NonPlayerCharacter yes that's true, I'm glad I went!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilifer · 15/06/2024 22:49

@Internationalpony that's very true, I could say that and it would be partly true.

OP posts:
ReadingSoManyThreads · 15/06/2024 23:37

Does his name begin with K by any chance @Lilifer ?

heyheyd · 16/06/2024 00:00

Haven’t even read all the comments yet but what I absolutely THRIVE off on these types of posts, is the fact you are one person going on this date by yourself and he has no idea you have an entire army of mumsnetters behind you, who have written the texts and are fully judging his every move 😂

honeyrider · 16/06/2024 00:08

OP what's the name of the post hotel as I'm looking up posh hotels in Ireland and looking for recommendations please?

Original poster
Lilifer · 16/06/2024 00:21

honeyrider · 16/06/2024 00:08

OP what's the name of the post hotel as I'm looking up posh hotels in Ireland and looking for recommendations please?

https://www.themerchanthotel.com/?gadsource=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsPi23ttehgMVgoRQBh308wHMEAAYASAAEgJFOfDBwE

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilifer · 16/06/2024 00:22

heyheyd · 16/06/2024 00:00

Haven’t even read all the comments yet but what I absolutely THRIVE off on these types of posts, is the fact you are one person going on this date by yourself and he has no idea you have an entire army of mumsnetters behind you, who have written the texts and are fully judging his every move 😂

😂😂😂 yes indeed, Mumsnet is a great resource at times like this! 👏🏻

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilifer · 16/06/2024 00:23

ReadingSoManyThreads · 15/06/2024 23:37

Does his name begin with K by any chance @Lilifer ?

Eh? What an odd question! Why do you ask??

OP posts:
honeyrider · 16/06/2024 00:25

Lilifer · 16/06/2024 00:21

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That looks fab but a long distance from me.

wellington77 · 16/06/2024 00:25

Personally the warning bells sounded when he asked where you will park, either he will watch you coming out the car to see if he likes you or not and if not will drive away or it’s stalker vibes and can follow you home after the date!

cherish123 · 16/06/2024 00:28

If I were you, I'd have taken control (after he was vague) and suggested a restaurant.

Viviennemary · 16/06/2024 01:00

That is annoying. Far too vague. Some places stop doing lunches after 2 pm. He does sound a bit of a pain tbh.

HollyKnight · 16/06/2024 01:03

Lilifer · 16/06/2024 00:21

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Ohh he fancy! Yeah he definitely Googled "Posh restaurants near Victoria Square". 😂No chance of him stalking you in that car park. I can't even find my own car again there half the time.

azlazee1 · 16/06/2024 01:05

I think I'd cancel. I don't like that he can't give you a specific public place to meet up at. Even if it was a street corner in the neighborhood

ReadingSoManyThreads · 16/06/2024 01:17

Lilifer · 16/06/2024 00:23

Eh? What an odd question! Why do you ask??

Show quote history

I asked because something you said about him made me think I might know who it is, and if it did happen to be the same person, there are some things you should know!!