Colleague has sent me a dick pic

[Iambetteroffsingle]

Well not a completely full-frontal one, he is clothed on it but it's a picture of his 'hard-on'. (Sorry this is TMI)

I vaguely knew of him before and we went on a team-building weekend activity as a group. Got on well, stayed in touch a bit over the last week via text, just talking about work and holidays mainly.
There's been no flirting or innuendos of any sort, then I opened my phone to this.
The man is 41 FFS.
He's put a caption in the picture talking about his 'tan' but I'm not stupid, I know what a lot of men are like.

If this were out of work I'd block straightaway, but I feel so awkward with working together. We aren't in the same team but have mutual friends. I just don't know what to do.

I was slightly interested before and would've been open to a date or something similar but this has shown me what he thinks of me.

You can give it the ACAS all you want, the employer will deal with it and its not clear what would happen. Ultimately what does the OP want to happen??

Plus its by no means a straight forward case. Had it been out of the blue to Doris from accounts then the bloke may have come a cropper but this is much more complex. There had been some messaging, construed possibly as flirting by the chap. Indeed the OP says she was kinda interested in him before this happened. We werent there so we dont know if this was the start of a non work relationship or not. What Im trying to say is its about much more than just the picture. Lets assume he hadnt sent it but instead had asked her for a drink. Is that innocent or could that be harrassment? What if he'd paid her a compliment? That can be harrassment. It's a minefield.

The OP can do whatever she wants but really, you dont just tell HR and thats the end of it. You need to be aware of the can of worms being opened.

You screenshot and report to HR and make sure you don't delete it. If anyone dares say anything to you just say 'he sent me a picture of himself with an erection and I didn't ask for it, how disgusting is that?' and that's it. You are leaving anyway so there's no issue there. Again, make sure you don't delete the photo, even if HR request you to. He can't lie then can he?
How rank though 😡

but instead had asked her for a drink.

How is that comparable to a photo of a close up of an erection under shorts?

I wouldn't reply at all, just block. Go to Hr or your boss on Monday.

Please don't even consider leaving unless you absolutely want to, this man does not get to alter the course of your life. I also hope that you don't feel the need to avoid work drinks. Get angry and feel the injustice of it. Honestly op I am so angry on your behalf.

If you start to feel that you are being made out to be a trouble maker then just let your side of the story out. I assume that your workplace wouldn't look kindly on his behaviour. To be honest he has more to lose than you, you hold the cards.

Fucking hell @Treestumpp sending a pic of your hard on to someone who hasn't asked for one isn't a 'minefield'.

I agree.

I can’t believe anyone would believe sending to everyone or speaking to him alone are good ideas. It could have consequences for OPs safety and her career.

At the moment, OP has done nothing wrong. Keep it that way by remaining professional and reporting to HR.

If a guy approaches a girl at work and asks her if she wants to go out for a drink, and she feels totally appalled by the question and reports it to HR as harrassment, then it would also kick off a disciplinary procedure. This whole matter is all about perceptions. If you feel victimised then you have to be taken seriously.

Do not do this. You are making a joke of the incident and not treating it seriously. What happens when he sends the 'unclothed' version so you 'don't need a magnifying glass'.

Send the message you mean- 'Please do not contact me again. This is offensive and unprofessional and in no way solicited by me.'

Totally inappropriate, you shouldn't have to deal with this from work colleagues. Take it to HR, nobody else needs to know, he's out of order and you haven't done anything wrong.

Open a complaint in writing HR immediately saying you don't want to mention the person but this is what happened.

This gives you scope later to report him fully, if his behaviour gets worse or you find out he's done it to other colleagues, with a contemporaneous complaint at the time that gives you credibility.

Just in case he does it again or does something else dodgy.

Report to HR and the police.

Asking someone on a date or complimenting someone at work could well be about perceptions, I agree. Sending an unsolicited explicit picture is not a "grey area" it is quite clearly something that would be extremely unwelcome to most people and highly unprofessional.

Yes, that's true and that would be more complicated to get to the bottom of.
But sending someone a photo of an erection? It's not really a grey area, is it.

It’s easy to spot the men here.

Tell HR. Explain that the photo has made you feel very uncomfortable and that you would like the matter addressed.

Do not feel responsible for potentially damaging his career.

That is on him.

Block and disengage. Do not respond. He may be the sort to take it as encouragement.

OP wanted options that included not taking an action that could have repercussions for her own career, current well being a work.

And it’s only a judgement OP can make based on how it feels to her.

Setting a strong boundary / keeping a paper trail and making sure she acts if there is anything else that makes her uncomfortable is an okay option too.

OBVIOUSLY this isn't okay, but I once had it explained to me by a male friend (who btw would never do this sort of thing himself), that it MIGHT stem from them (the colleague in this case), thinking that this would be really well received by them, were the roles reversed. That is, when we think "how would I feel, if someone sent me a 'sexy' photo?" They think "This would make my day!!" and not the reality, which would be "I'd feel really hurt and awkward, and not know what to say". He's old enough to know better really. But I'd probably gloss over it, if it were me. Anyone decent will get the message. If it happens again, I'd tell him it's not on, then block him.

Don’t reply - anything you say could be misinterpreted. Don’t acknowledge. Block.

If you're determined to wuss out of reporting him, this from a pp is the very least you should do.

Send the message you mean- 'Please do not contact me again. This is offensive and unprofessional and in no way solicited by me.

Then block him. And refuse to get into any conversation about it should he approach you at work.

This is the sort of conversations I have with my 15 year old son, not something a grown man in a professional environment should not know.

Report him to the police. Pervert!

No, don't do this. Your employer should have a dignity at work policy, or similar, that deals with harassment, and I agree with all those who think that you should make a complaint about his.

But the HR team will not thank you for semi-logging a bit of a grievance about an undetailed event that can't be investigated or dealt with.

Report it properly in line with the policy, or don't.

Hmmm. I could vaguely get behind that hypothesis if the OPand this man had had a few dates. But where it tends to fall down is that women don’t tend to send “fun” sexy unsolicited pics to delight their colleagues or platonic friends, because it’s weird, and inappropriate. Unsolicited dick pics are always inappropriate, men know this, and that’s why they are about intimidation, not flirting.

You have not behaved inappropriately.
You are not sexually harassing a colleague.
If reporting him to HR damages his career or causes trouble with other team-mates remember it is his fault, not yours.

I would at least send him a response with a clear message that this was unsolicited by you and completely unwanted. No one is going to see this as divisive or being troublesome and he would keep that response to himself anyway, because it would be too risky for him to reveal it to others.

Chances are he is also sending similar pics to others and someone is eventually going to report it. This will trigger an investigation and he might use your non response in his favour to support his case that women at his workplace were fine with the behaviour. You don’t want to be dragged down with that.

Also, you will likely receive more pics if you don’t say anything as he will assume you like them. My daughter also didn’t want to make a fuss. Her silence however escalated it. In the end, she made her displeasure very evident and it stopped then. I am glad she learned that early on - she was about 20 then.