Colleague has sent me a dick pic

[Iambetteroffsingle]

Well not a completely full-frontal one, he is clothed on it but it's a picture of his 'hard-on'. (Sorry this is TMI)

I vaguely knew of him before and we went on a team-building weekend activity as a group. Got on well, stayed in touch a bit over the last week via text, just talking about work and holidays mainly.
There's been no flirting or innuendos of any sort, then I opened my phone to this.
The man is 41 FFS.
He's put a caption in the picture talking about his 'tan' but I'm not stupid, I know what a lot of men are like.

If this were out of work I'd block straightaway, but I feel so awkward with working together. We aren't in the same team but have mutual friends. I just don't know what to do.

I was slightly interested before and would've been open to a date or something similar but this has shown me what he thinks of me.

I'm sorry, but you owe it to yourself and to other women that he might pester in the future, to follow this up.

These sort of comments are inappropriate in the workplace.

What will humiliate him and shut him down is an interview with HR when conditions of his future employment in the company are made clear.

This is exactly why men have got away with this inappropriate behaviour for decades, because women are too scared of the consequences of reporting.

Please be assured, that companies are getting much better these days with putting a stop to sexual harassment. The law is on your side. You could call ACAS for advice first, if it helps.

I would urge you to report, because you are now going to feel awkward and uncomfortable in the workplace, and that is not ok.

I'd be replying " Ewwwww mushroom dick thats not appropriate. I wouldnt be bragging about that mr fungi dick. Put it away" 🤣

Definitely report it. If its nothing so bad, he'll be fine, won't he. And if he suffers employment consequences, oh dear so sad.

True of a child and a 20 something , way out of order .
But adults with a 10 year difference might not be .

But the oroginal post I was replying to said To those who are saying it's not a dick pic, would you be happy with a 13 year old daughter being sent a picture of a hard on under fabric ?

Which this is not .

It;s wring but it is not a sexual image to a child .

I know you’re worried, I understand that you just want things at work to be calm, but if you don’t do anything, won’t you be worried whenever you look at your phone that he’s sent you another one? Won’t you be worried that he’ll send one to a colleague?

im really sorry OP, this isn’t your fault and it’s shit that you are having to worry about it at all, but it won’t go away. Why do you think men send pictures like that? It’s not for a laugh, or because they fancy you, it’s to try and scare or control you. That’s why it needs to be reported. He won’t be coming to any payday drinks when they’ve “encouraged him to move on to other opportunities”.

I knew a man who was my idol. In my industry he’s so well known and he’s won tons of awards. To me he was omnipotent!!! M
anyway

he rang me one day out of the blue on Facebook and I asked him if he was drunk. We’d never spoken before and I was just fooored. He said to me it’s a shame you’re happily married. Then he said are you happily married? I honestly thought I was being pranked

anyway it’s gross. He’s gross. I can’t believe he shattered my image of him and I’m very happily married. I adore my Husband!

but yep. Made things so uncomfortable and thank goodness I didn’t have to work with him since. He’s grim

Then you'd be being an idiot.

Time to look at getting some support as you should not be worrying like this. Women need to stand up to these creeps or nothing will change and our daughters will be getting dick pics and on it will go.

I’d make it clear to him that it was inappropriate - email him and tell him that it’s not appropriate for him to send you crotch photos and that you only want to exchange correspondence about work related matters.

Keep a copy of both the photo and your reply. If he does it again or something else which makes you feel uncomfortable take it all to HR.

It is not your responsibility to consider the implications on his career.

He hasn’t given this a second thought. His entitlement to flash to you digitally without being caught really is disgusting and disturbing to be honest.

Of course you should report him.

You arent responsible for jeopardising his career.

He is responsible for the dick pic, you are in control of your reaction. Dont feel guilty for his behaviour.

If you're worried about being mean to the poor sad old bloke who totally overstepped and thrust his cocknin your face, go to HR and tell them you're upset and can they talk to him about it. He will say its a mistake, they will let him off and he can go on to bother the next poor woman.

It's quite clear.
From acas

To be sexual harassment, the unwanted behaviour must have either:

• violated someone's dignity, whether it was intended or not
• created an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for them, whether it was intended or not

Why would i be an idiot? That text is telling him straight that im not interested and its not all that. The thought of someone laughing and insulting his dick pic is going to stop him sending future ones. If i sent a pic of my breast in a bikini and got the reply of Ewwww saggy tits it would make me think twice.

Having a different approach to things certainly doesnt make me an idiot.

Why do you think he should get a second chance (if indeed this is the first time).
Are you suggesting he might not have been aware of what he was doing and that it was sexual harassment?

I'd just reply and say - 'listen, I don't want to make things awkward given we work together, but this isn't OK. Don't do this again. It's unprofessional. Thanks.' Then block.

I wouldn't call you an idiot, but responding to the sender is not how to deal with harassment in the workplace.
We're not talking about shutting down a bit of flirting over the coffee machine.

Don't say this. It isn't a strong response.

This.

@BirthdayRainbow OP has indicated she doesn't want to make things awkward so I was suggesting accordingly. It's not what I'd do. I'd tell him I'd be reporting to his manager/HR and block him. But that is definitely going to be divisive.

I'd straight out call him out on it, no banter about it.

"Honest question Steve, why do blokes send dick pics to women they are talking to? Do you think we find it sexy and attractive? Because we don't, we find it uncomfortable and awkward, and it just proves that you don't respect women and you obviously don't have any respect for me"

I would reply with "I don't know why you would send me this photo, it's incredibly inappropriate and misjudged"
Give him a chance to apologise and then make it clear your friendship will be purely professional and work based from now on.
Then just move on.

I would actually grab the bull by the horns, as it were.

I would reply and say something along the lines of "why have you sent me what is, in effect, a dick pic? Maybe you didn't realise this is how it comes across, but this is what it is. If I decided to forward it to HR and complain about sexual harassment, you could find yourself in deep shit. I really recommend you check your photos before sending them to colleagues."

Then block.

If you don't want to report then fire a warning shot.