A bad mummy re child starting school :(

[Hellodarknessmyfriend]

My little one is due to start school in September. We have been given a list of 11 days relating to the transition in; stay and plays, meet the staff, home visit, staggered start times etc.
The issue is they are all (naturally) over the course of a school day and I am primary teacher.
Literally the only one I can attend is an evening Welcome Meeting.
This makes me looks like a rubbish parent, doesn't it?

You are entitled to ask for her to start fulltime from Day 1 of the term. They must accommodate this. Just tell them now.

Sorry but I think your husband needs to do more than try and attend a few. It has been clear since the day you became parents I assume that this would happen. Working as a teacher yourself you know the score so I think he should have been saving up annual leave days all year to cover this. Yes it sicks but it's only for one year.

OP, your initial concern was that you would look like a bad parent because you wouldn’t be able to attend any of the school events. Obviously teachers (like you) understand that certain professions are just not compatible with term time day time activities. My impression is that the only time teachers would have an opinion is if there was a child for whom no one came to anything, ever.

That’s why people have asked repeatedly if your Mum can attend in your place, or if your DH could be a bit more savvy about his annual leave requests, getting them in early to facilitate attendance.
But you’re not answering that!

Oh dear @Troubledprimarymum - your blatant disregard and distain for teachers has become even more apparent with this ridiculous comment. Unfortunately it's not uncommon of parents.
I mean, how DARE I as a teacher take some semblance of a lunch break! The downright audacity. How incredibly unprofessional! I hope the teachers at your children's primary school don't do the same or I'd be going straight to the Head if I were you. Disgraceful behaviour!
Anybody any idea why on earth there is such a dire teacher recruitment and retention crisis?

It’s not necessary to judge parents for not going to school events, you have no idea what is going on in their lives. I think you may be worried you’re being judged because you judge. I doubt most teachers are anything but empathetic. Certainly those who I’ve come across get it wholeheartedly.

My nephew understood from day 1 that mummy being a teacher meant she couldn’t leave “her class children”. He doesn’t even have a dad on the scene, so the rest of the family try our best to be there. He’s fortunate we can do this.

Then you're in the wrong school.

Just this week we had 1 teacher swap her PPA so she could get to see Taylor Swift, a TA absent for a morning to go to her daughter's sports day and another teacher arrive late as her dog needed an emergency vet appointment.

In September, one teacher's class will be covered on the first day, as she's taking her own child to Reception. At Christmas, as a staff we juggle everyone who needs to go see their children's performances. Those who are child free get a wellbeing day of their own choice in the academic year, as recognition that they cover others in this way.

We're a school of 100 pupils, so it's not a size thing, it's an attitude of embedding wellbeing.

I'm not surprised you want to leave teaching if your wellbeing isn't being looked after.

@Globules Thank you, I don't feel they do and I'm desperately trying to find a new school pt whilst I do my Masters.
But I don't know if I'm being unreasonable?
Example - one day a few weeks' ago:
In at usual time and left at 10.30 (break time for kids) for an 11.30 interview around 35/40 mins drive away.
Interviews running late so my interview teaching lesson started around 12pm for 30 mins, actually interview at 12.40 - 1.10pm.
Straight into car to drive back to school.
Call from school at 1.15pm asking when I would be back as needed ASAP.
Arrived back at around 1.50pm and expected to go straight into class and teach (90 children on rotation, no TA support).
I felt pretty unwell as not been to the toilet since 10.30 or eaten since breakfast at 7am.
Didn't get to do either until kids had all gone home at 3.40pm.
But perhaps this is acceptable considering I was authorised time off to attend an interview in the first place?

Some of that is on you, as you could have eaten a sandwich in the car on the drive back and stopped for a wee.

Some of that is on them being unrealistic. With those driving distances, plus interviews that run late, we'd have covered you from 10.30 onwards and not expected you back at school unless you insisted you should come back into school. Or swapped your PPA that week, so that you had the afternoon covered already.

Some schools expect candidates to wait in their school until all candidates have been seen. What would they have done then if you'd had to wait all afternoon while a decision was made?

Fitting in a 30 min interview a 40 mins drive away bang in the middle of the work day sounds really stressful. I am not a teacher so I am not sure what is reasonable of the school to grant their staff.

When I've had interviews I've taken off maybe 2 hours either side, or the whole morning or afternoon.

I think it's appalling that teachers don't get time to use the loo and then don't drink enough (to avoid needing the loo).

I think it's appalling that teachers don't get time to use the loo and then don't drink enough (to avoid needing the loo).

We do get time to use the loo, except on the most trickiest of days. If you're on playground duty, then you ask a colleague to cover a few mins at the beginning or end of play for you if you're desperate. Most people can go from 8.45am-12.30pm without a wee.

No it doesn't, it happens to a lot of parents. I couldn't go to all my child's taster days, there were a few parents in the same situation so the nursery took the ones who's parents couldn't attend.

I wouldn't feel bad or think that the school consider you a bad parent. I am the teacher who at the induction days for reception in the July before my children started made it clear that my child had been in full time nursery from age 4 months and that we don't do part time half day starts. I made the school take all four of my children from day 1 full time!! I pointed out I could not collect after 2 hours and could not hold a nursery place for flexible random half days so they would need to have my child full time with breakfast club and after school club! My child had previously been in nursery from 8am until 6pm so the school day with wrap around care was a shorter day! ! The school just sucked it up and got on with it!!😂

It doesn't make you a bad mum at all. My daughter is now in year 4, and I have missed so many activities at school due to starting work at 8am and doing shift work. I can occasionally change or swap a shift, if I get enough notice, but sadly, it's what happens for working parents.

They're actually legally obliged to. I used to have a link to the requirement.

@Globules There's no free colleagues often at my school. I've often bled through when on my period 😞

I find it disappointing you're judging them so I don't feel any sympathy any more. You have no idea what a parent, working or not is dealing with

You could have had a wee after/before the interview and managed to eat something- porrige bars are good for days like this

HAHA no chance.

@ThunderQween Are you a teacher?

I don't get why you care more about it making you look like a rubbish mum than the fact you're missing out

@ThunderQween Hate both but nothing I can do about it.

God no we are all in the same boat. I think schools don’t realise parents have jobs.

It feels bad I know but you can honestly leave all this stuff at the school door. You child’s school has a massively unrealistic expectation of what parents can do. I did the best I could. I worked in the senior section of a school, daughter went to the junior school. I attended if I could wangle it and once, in extremis, asked a gap student to go with a video camera. Daughter understood and was fine. Your child knows it is loved and valued.

Is it just your class on the playground at playtime then? 🤷

If you say you’re a teacher - won’t they pretty immediately ‘get it?’ Because unfortunately they’ll have been the same with their own children. I’ve read your posts - I hope your masters brings you what you want. x