To be done with this forum..

[Hardknocks]

I don’t know what’s in the water at the moment but I’ve posted a few times on here in the last few months seeking advice and have received nothing but awful, nasty comments that have really upset me, and I am not a sensitive person. I don’t have a close circle of mum friends, I’m not close to my mum either so this is the only place I can come and voice these concerns or feelings.

Nothing I’ve said has been outrageous or contentious, I mainly ask questions about whether particular aspects of my toddlers behaviour is normal, but I’ve been called a bad mum, entitled, lazy and stupid amongst other worse ones. I know (or thought) I wasn’t any of those things, just a mum to a 2 year old navigating this all for the first time.

This forum has really changed in the last few years and I’m not sure why, but it’s not a very nice place to be anymore. If anyone has any suggestions for other forums please let me know… I could really do with the support.

Exactly.
Its solely to be unkind and go against the narrative of this post and posts.
She/he hasn't been back to follow up, soooo, you know 😉

Yes, OP clearly states this. I think that poster should change her name to "Cat the misses the bloody obvious" 😂

'I don't read them. They are in a hidden folder on my phone but I can remember most.'
Pardon my lack of tech knowledge, but is it possible to delete them? Get rid?
I'd be inclined to delete them rather than carry them around, if that is possible?

OP @Hardknocks you sound lovely.i am very glad you are getting genuine replies.

I will restate however that dozens of people a day write personal, heartfelt posts on the AIBU section of the forum, then write “posting for traffic” because they know their query is more suited to Relationships, Parenting or Divorce and separation.

The resulting bunfight is precisely because that OP tossed red meat into the nest of vipers. An emotional topic, vulnerability, and an opportunity to judge and kick the OP at the same time.

this is why I implore people to realise - “this forum”, Mumsnet, is not called AIBU, there are dozens of subsections with supportive intelligent people.

Feel for you x a long time ago I posted something regarding newborns and Mums' (my) anxiety, (have name changed after that) some of the comments were so spiteful and mean spirited, whilst reading them I felt my heart rate go up and it was like a slap in the face! Easier now I remind myself some people will just say anything, they don't know me, I don't know them and I'm not going to waste any time on some sad person's opinion if they're deliberately being mean.

Aye,anything to do with stepchildren or in laws.

I find relationships, parenting, chat, AIBU fairly interchangeable. The education boards are a bit of an echo chamber. The doghouse is bloody awful, and style and beauty can be as well. Specialist topics like gardening / legal matters and so on are more helpful and I wandered onto the adoption board once and it was very polite and supportive but I am not an adopter or adoptee so wouldn’t really be welcome. The point is though the same people who post on parenting post on AIBU: they aren’t different countries or anything.

Sometimes the OP can be just as bad on these threads though! Last month I saw a really odd AIBU. It started off light hearted and the Op claimed they werent taking it seriously, but then there were 3 or 4 posters who kept trying to get at really anyone who objected to the OP . And the OP was co-signing it by popping up to thank her attack dogs.

She seemed outraged anyone at all said she was BU, but then why post on AIBU? It was a thread about baking 🤦‍♀️as well it wasn’t that serious!

It was so bizarre watching it unfold. And I noticed when individual posters defended their stance about the OP BU, this group of posters would double down and act like a tag team taking it in turns to try and bring the person down.

I don’t even know how it ended as I stopped following it but it was viciousness for nothing.

I don’t usually remember usernames but I’ve since seen a couple of the posters on other threads and they’re just as toxic.

What I can’t stand are comments like ‘why did you marry him?’ So unhelpful!

I don't know what your ASD post was but there is a lot of anger on here that everything is blamed on ASD/ADHD especially if it involves any kind of 'bad' behaviour. Completely ignoring the fact of course that struggling with transitions/change/sensory overload does indeed often lead to 'bad' behaviour by ND kids.

An OP could talk about all sorts of things that imply possible ASD but as soon as someone suggests it there will be others saying 'Oh I was waiting to see how long it would be before someone suggested autism'.

Often people would much prefer to tell you that it's obviously just your horrendous parenting and that no one should be 'arm chair diagnosing' ASD. Completely ignoring the fact that they're equally unqualified to decide that it isn't ASD.

There is also a lot of anger that ND kids get 'loads' of time, attention, adjustments and council money spent on them that their kids aren't getting. There was someone on here who refused to let an ND child go in front of their child in a queue because their child had already been waiting for three minutes. They were cheered on by most others some of whom came to the conclusion that the mother was obviously faking it. It's all very depressing OP but if you want to ask anything sensitive definitely avoid AIBU which has always been a bear pit and try somewhere like the children with SN board.

what I assume to be grown women

I would not assume that any longer.

And yes, Tattle is a terrible place to read about yourself as a public figure, but I've found it to be very friendly within itself.

Of course, you a right about everything ending up in AIBU but really it is possible to tell someone that they are being unreasonable without kicking them when they are down. Just because something is posted on that topic does not give people the right to say some of what they do. People can be unreasonable and you can disagree with them without acting like the mean girl gang from school.

Yes I agree OP. I’ve been on this site and another similar since pregnant with my eldest 17 years ago! People are definitely more critical and seem to enjoy twisting the narrative just to attack the OP. You then have people who love jumping on the bandwagon. Many threads just get totally derailed as so many people are just looking to be antagonistic.
Sad reflection of our times 😔

OP, it's the internet, and it's worth remembering that this forum also attracts its fair share of men and trolls. Not that they are necessarily connected. But some of the more vicious comments are clearly from trolls and as with anywhere, a post on Facebook or on Twitter, you just ignore them.

I know it is easy to say, but I just skip past the nasty comments as I know that they are just thick idiots.

Also, I feel sorry for them as they must have such miserable lives to be so nasty.

Just like in real life, you just need to ignore them and not let them get to you.

Totally agree OP. I'm new to mumsnet and the amount of Mary Poppins type (practically perfect in every way) astounds me!!! I'm mostly on the weightloss boards where every fat person is obviously a lazy slob shovelling cakes in their mouth!!!🙄The ones that don't read the post annoyed me the most! x

I always find the strangest is when people are pregnant and the op says keeping the baby and you get loads of replies saying “are you sure this is what you want “ “this environment is not right to raise a baby” especially if the women is older or skint I feel like it’s very judged and often the advice given is not the op asked for advice on. There is so much help out there domestic abuse charities benefits housing (I’m in temporary and have been 4 years so don’t say their is a shortage as I fully know. However the support should be advising these not just Ltb get an abortion bla bla bla

Not sure if it has been mentioned as lots of comments to get through but I use an app called peanut for advice on my almost 2 year old and have done since she was born. Its a nice wee app for advice and you don't feel judged 99% of the time, of course there will always be the odd troll ! It's hard enough navigating motherhood without ridiculous comments and judgements from mothers themselves.

IMO you almost have to ignore the first 2 pages of replies until the more sensible posters come along and give decent, constructive advice.
I think there are posters who lurk, waiting for a thread to pop up just get a kick out of being awful and inflammatory and then often don't bother returning to the thread anyway. I have often wondered if some of these members are incel-types...🤔

Just know that you are not alone in feeling this way💐

Would be nice to have a “that’s uncalled for” button for us to click when someone posts something that really is uncalled for.

I don't think that it is unhelpful as people marry for all sorts of reasons and hopefully it will stop them making the same mistakes again.

I just to moan about my ex to my workmate and they asked me why I was still with him if I disliked him so much. It really made me think.

Sometimes, life just becomes a habit.

@Hardknocks , I have posted on a series of related threads using different usernames, and depending on the username I used had varying responses. Some warm and welcoming, others unpleasant (DMs etc).

There are some words or phrases that 'mean MNers' seem to pounce on.

I think many posters are unaware that MNHQ deliberately post some of "our" threads to social media which brings in a lot of new posters who just think this is another platform for bunfights rather than a generally supportive one. A lot of threads end up in national newspapers which also draw in a different crowd. And then there was a call to arms on a male orientated website telling their members to come here and disrupt the women/website deliberately. This is before you get to the bored teenagers, or angry at the world posters or "outside agencies" paid to disrupt (no proof of course but they do seem to come for a particular board then stay around for a while in others).

Once you are aware of the above you will find it easier to ignore some of the obvious nastiness that gets posted. It's targeted to hurt or disrupt.

Yes and ban them if they go over a certain number. I'd like it if you could block people. So all their usernames are blocked too.

Out of interest do you know which men's website that was?