Colleague has said I'm vain a few times

[Spottttty]

Well not said it, but heavily implied it. I could understand if I'm going around saying 'Look at me I'm soo beautiful' but obviously this isn't the case.

She's said this because I sometimes put make up on or use a mirror at work at lunch. So what? Like it's not affecting her in any way.
She's made comments about 3 times, I've just laughed but next time I'll say something maybe?

It might just be friendly ribbing as she's nice otherwise but not sure what her goal is. She's someone who doesn't wear a scrap of make up and that's up to her, I'm not someone who can do that and that's just me.

This all sounds a bit like the taboo around sanitary products and hiding your period to be honest. Women (and some me ) wear make up it shouldn’t be a secret or anything to be embarrassed about and it’s fine to check a mirror or touch up in public. It’s like men who get annoyed with people doing their make up on the train in the commute. It’s none of their business…. It’s like women are offensive for applying make up when it’s acceptable for people to eat and drink god knows what in public - sometimes in a gross manner.

Another female ‘tax’ I guess. Perpetuated by other women acting like it’s embarrassing to care what you look like. Wanting to look and feel your best does not devalue your intelligence, effectiveness and worth.

I get this a lot in my job as a Head of School who wants to feel good. I am sick of being made out to be less of a successful person because I am interested in fashion, make up and feeling good.

@AliceOlive @Calliopespa You may have an in-depth knowledge of antiquated etiquette, but some of your superior and sneering responses on this thread show zero class.

I think we were quite restrained considering …

And it isn’t sneering to give a perspective on the topic under consideration. Posters were goading and pushing for a blunter, more sneering response and didn’t get it.

It is a little odd to apply makeup in this scenario and not weird she would comment on it given the strangeness of someone applying mascara infront of a colleague at lunch. You do indeed sound really vein. Go to the toilets and sort your face out there, problem solved.

Nothing wrong with putting on a bit of make up but wouldn’t expect someone to do it sat at a lunch table.

It does feel quite similar, now you've mentioned it.

Just saw this post and omg OP some of the replies you've had are so ridiculous and some downright nasty. I realise we now live in a world where people get offended at the least little thing , nothing wrong with putting on a bit of makeup in the break room and obviously your colleague has nothing better to do but watch you a bit strange but 🤷 you keep doing you 💐

News to me! I wear very obvious makeup, I've often wondered what's the point of going through the effort of putting it on if no one can really see it? If it's not slapping someone in the face I haven't done my job! 😁 Currently hayfever season so no eye makeup for me for a while. 😭 Lipstick, blush and highlighter for me for a while, and nail polish, because I can always wear that.

People weren’t asking for that, we were asking you to articulate why it’s so bad and you still have not. 🤷‍♀️

I can find articles that say it’s not wrong or rude (in fact found one that says it shows self confidence!) so unfortunately finding a random article from an apparent “etiquette expert” (why is that even a job?) doesn’t mean much.

There are endless articles. I just posted one.

No one is trying to change your mind, as I’ve said repeatedly. You can keep insulting anyone who disagrees with you. I’m not sure why you even care. It’s a forum, with discussions. You’ve been given enough info and seen enough posters here who think it’s rude. Just let it go and do what you like. You have started to seem a little obsessed with us.

The self confidence “article” seems AI generated. It’s pretty funny actually. At least I hope that’s AI.

https://coverclap.com/blog/women-doing-makeup-in-public#

https://emilypost.com/advice/lipstick-at-the-table

https://www.askamanager.org/2013/03/is-it-okay-to-apply-makeup-in-the-bathroom-at-work.html

Makeup at your desk MN thread

Who have I insulted and how have I insulted them?

You can hardly call me obsessed when you’re replying to me 🤔

Yes exactly: we don’t work with you and we couldn’t care less.

The comments were offered as explanation, ( though not defence), of why OP’s colleague probably responded the way she did - which was, after all, the subject of the thread.

No one ( except OP’s colleague perhaps 😂) is going to stop you if you’re so wedded to applying it wherever. But equally, some people ( as evidenced by this thread, the other linked by @AliceOlive , and the various etiquette articles) may well glance at you and think “ why doesn’t she go to the bathroom? Or “that’s a bit tacky .”

But if you don’t agree, then you don’t agree. And if you don’t care, then you don’t care… It’s just that with this endless woodpecker-ing of “ why?” it kind of seems as though you do.

@Calliopespa I can’t even find any articles about applying makeup beyond lipstick at a dining table. Because no one does that?

just google is putting makeup on in public rude and plenty come up 🫶

What this thread has opened my eyes to is how many people are so rigidly and needlessly conventional. It feels so pointless.

I don't think it's convention so much as off putting. Anything that is demanding attention to one person in the group us annoying from the ott laugh/ loud comments to being on your phone.
Less so if you can take it to a quiet corner on your own so people can ignore you.

Yes I see it as that too.

We were at a restaurant a while ago and there was a table of about 7 or 8 who talked so loudly and treated the place like their own home. Everyone else in the restaurant was hearing about Margie’s bypass and Kevin’s new car and Josie’s pregnancy which wasn’t going well.

Using a public space as though you are oblivious to others sharing it and saying or doing things that it isn’t really natural to share with those people just comes across as a bit socially off. It’s kind of the same concept as TMI.

But would you really rank touching up one's face, a non-noisy activity, alongside loud laughter on the annoyance scale?

I probably wouldn’t rank it as high on the scale; but it belongs in the same behaviour bucket imo.

This.

I wouldn’t sit and do my makeup in a canteen even if it was empty with no chance of anyone seeing though. So there is something beyond not wanting to annoy others?