Please help me compose a reply to my (difficult) ex-husband

[thegeniussquare]

A little context. I am a single, full-time working mother of 3 girls. My daughters stay with their dad every other weekend. He was a cheat and our marriage ended over a decade ago. He has always been snippy in his communications with me. I endeavour to ignore, as engaging with him isn't worth it. He'll never change and it is no good for my mental well-being.
He is an extremely high earner and I'm not. He makes it clear to me that I am a millstone around his neck, even though I'm a good mum to our 3 kids and do pretty much all of the nitty gritty parenting. He is unsupportive of me and an arrogant individual. Believe me, I have tried my best to keep things amicable.
Our youngest (nearly 15) is showing signs of becoming a school refuser. I am worried sick and doing everything I can.
This morning, I got her up as normal and was cajoling her along. I then had to leave for work but had a bad feeling that she may not go in. I emailed my ex husband and asked if he'd please check in with her, by call or text (as would I, as it's not like I have the luxury of simply forgetting!).
This was the reply I received. I actually don't feel like I can ignore it. I need to say something, even if it will fall on deaf ears. This man is ALWAYS right. The basic message is, 'I pay you maintenance so that I can opt out of these things and focus on my big career, so put up and shut up'.
Please don't judge me. I have had enough of dealing with everything on my own.
And if you are kind enough to help with a reply, it needs to be concise and with as little emotion as possible. Emotion annoys him and he doesn't take it seriously.
He's an arsehole, right?
Oh, and the point about blaming the dentist is nonsense. When he asked me if the girls had been to the dentist recently, I replied 'oh yeah, they must be due to go, but I don't remember receiving a reminder, so I'll check it out'.

Thanks for reading

First scored out name is mine, and then two of our daughters' names.

I wouldn't reply. Just hold onto it.

He is an absolute knob. I would reply along the lines of "Being a parent is more than just throwing maintenance my way it should mean you care about their wellbeing. You clearly don't. Better get on with my work now. Thank you. p.s you are an absolute knob, always were, always will be"

They say silence is deafening, there’s nothing you could possibly say he’s going to care about. Your kids (if the youngest is 15) are old enough to not really need you communicating arrangements now as they can manage seeing you both. He doesn’t offer any “hands on” parenting it seems so stop flogging a dead horse. You’ll only be disappointed with his replies and you’re doing it alone anyway. So release yourself from his arseholery.

Wow what a cunt. No advice, sorry. He’s an arse.

The youngest is 15. So the end is in sight. He's a prick, but I'd not bother replying. Nothing will change his mind or attitude. Sorry op.

Nothing you can say will make the slightest difference to him. Just repeat to yourself "Don't engage, save" as you archive the messages.

I have had a few of these types to contend with in my life. My own father was one of them. His life is the important one Don’t send a reply. It will sap your time and energy. You communicated the issue with your child which is the important thing. Just fume about his fuck twatery.

There's nothing you can say in response that he won't twist and use against you later down the line.
As PP said, no reply is the right one, but hang onto these as it shows how little he actually wants to be a parent. He'll have them on his weekend because he has to, but no more.
Don't give him any ammunition to hurl at you, he'll only use it to undermine you and make you doubt your parenting.

I would say as little as possible, don't complain, don't criticize, don't comment on anything he does. In other words don't give him any feedback or information about how you are feeling and what you are likely to do, because it will be used against you.
The more you engage with him the more you increase his ability to punish you and make life difficult for you.
Nothing you do or say will make him cooperate with you. He regards you as a subordinate and he will only ever try to punish you.
Be neutral, succinct and business-like.
What I would do is keep a record of everything he says and does with evidence to back it up.

Ooooooooo he's a dick. I know why you want to reply, but don't.

And now, do not update him about anything. If he asks a question about the dentist or anything similar I would reply with 'that is during my time and as you previously stated that is my responsibility and not your concern.' and don't give him ab answer to his question. Because the dentist question was him finding ammunition against you, picking holes in your parenting.

Feel for you!!! Don't give him the power to know he wound you up. Silence is deafening.

Actually I take that back, if he messages again about something similar to the dentist I just wouldn't respond. It would wind him up further and as your youngest is 15 you actually don't need contact with him. He's treating you like an employee

I would consider.

"Oh I was hoping you may wish to step up and parent X as she is currently on the pathway to school refusal. I see you think your parenting ends and providing only some money towards the cost of raising them. It's noted that you aren't interested in their day to day welfare let alone stepping up to parent."

Then don't bother ever again.

I’ve got a pet dick head too.
The best response is nothing at all.
This type of person thrives on attention and the fact that their behaviour is causing you distress, just don’t engage with him - he’ll enjoy it too much and you’ll get nowhere.
Don't depend upon him for anything.
look after yourself and your children.

Don't do this however tempting it is, it makes you look silly and puerile.

I'd ignore that bollocks.

Please don't judge me. I have had enough of dealing with everything on my own
I'm not judging you at all. Of course you've had enough of doing everything on your own. You absolutely deserve help.
He should help but he's a waste of space man child ridiculous reprehensible cunt. If you need him for anything he will use that need as leverage to damage exploit you jerk you around make life difficult for you.

I'd ignore all messages in future.

Narcissism they have the disease those around them suffer. Give no oxygen.

Cockwomble.

Honestly? Don't stoop. He's spoiling for a fight. Don't give him one.

Send a thumbs up and don’t interact with him again. You are free.

Personally I’d just keep them all and give them to your kids when adults to confirm what an absolute arsehole he is.

My ex was like this. I gave up involving him in anything and let him do any contact. He and DS have not spoken in over a year and DS is all the happier for it.

I would just reply with a laughing face & that's it! Because he is a joke & it will prob annoy him even more lol

Ooh I don’t agree with above. I would reply.
Something like..

STXH, I (and the UK legal system) consider education as critical for DC’s future. I will continue to hightlight any risk of school refusal so you can support her access to the education she needs and deserves.