Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

[rewarrrrd]

I just find it intrusive.

They very kindly babysat the other day, we came back and he'd done a couple of (pointless) jobs in the house.

I find it slightly judgemental, like my standards aren't high enough for him so he just has to put it right.

Also annoying that he's wasting time that could be spent with his grandchildren meddling around my house!

My feelings could come from my childhood though, my grandparents moved country when I was 1, dad moved town when I was 4, and my favourite auntie moved country when I was 5. Been largely on my own ever since because I have lots of younger siblings who needed/received more attention.

You would hate me and my DH then.
I regularly clean DD’s kitchen, hoover up, sort and put the washing on, clean the bathrooms, DH cuts the grass, does stuff like changing the smoke alarm battery. I even move furniture / ornaments around.
I painted the downstairs loo radiator yesterday, all without being asked! The horror! 😱
DD doesn’t mind ‘mess’ , but given that I’m there for at least 15 hours a week with DGS (before and after school) and I HATE mess, she lets me get on with it. I couldn’t sit and relax knowing the sink was full of dirty dishes, the washing baskets were overflowing, there were crumbs/mess all over the sides.
She thinks I do it for them, I actually do it for me.

I always thought her ex was the messy one but it’s just as bad now he’s not there🙄

Think yourself lucky, my father looked after my dog in my home whilst I went on holiday for a week. When I got back, he had EMPLOYED someone to renovate the downstairs toilet, including replacing the sanitary ware, tiling, painting and replacing the flooring. Apparently he had booked them months ago when I first asked him to dog sit !

When I got my first place, my dad came round and cleaned my kitchen and bathroom so thoroughly you could see your reflection in the draining board. When my cousin kicked out her ex, he offered to go and descale her taps. Its how he shows he cares. Bleach is his love language.

Definitely from a place of love. And if it isn't, do you care? It's one job you now don't have to do!

I love it when my MIL has my DDs. The dishwasher will be emptied/put on, clothes ironed etc if she can. She does this because she wants to help and understands the difficulties of working and rasing children.

This the part of the 'village' everyone wants. Take help where it's offered imo.

I don't take offence at her doing these things, but then her house is dirtier than mine 🙈.

I do remember when me and DH were first together and she let herself into our house and did all of our washing while we were away. I must admit, I was a little uneasy at her going though my dirty underwear essentially! 😂

@NotMeekNotObedient would you wash her underwear?

It's normal to offer to do jobs of you are practically minded, especially that generation. My dad always brings his tools!

I'd have been bloody delighted that someone did jobs without me having to nag my partner or do it myself.

You are welcome to send him around to descale my shower head, kettle and other assorted things!

Was it nice?

Yeah i probably would. Same as I do with my 16 year old. Both of them just roll their eyes at me.

Why can't you believe that it's possible this comes from a good place from some people and the OP just wasn't sure how to take it.

My mother used to do my ironing for me when I was working. She actually liked ironing 🤔
I have a pile of ironing to do that’s been there 6 weeks but the funny thing is I did my daughters ironing at the week-end when I was there.
Now I’m retired mine can be left for another day/week/month 😊

My tip is to make a note on your phone or to do pad of little jobs as you think of them then when he comes, or you know they are coming, mention the dripping tap, mouldy grout etc (that way he'll bring the right tools. Don't feel judged! My mum has done many a batch of ironing, washed curtains and cushions, sorted cupboards etc whilst overnight babysitting, I miss that era (dc are grown up)

Yeah my stepdad ( although mum divorced him) always likes to help when visiting. So I mention if something needs doing and he happily does it and I make him a cuppa and lunch after

Back in the 90s when the raggedy hems were popular on jeans my mother ironed my daughters jeans and very carefully hemmed them for her 🤣

@WestEndWindy if you are dictating what someone has in their own space I wouldn’t say it was coming from a place of love

My goodness. A poster asking a reasonable question and showing her own vulnerability then class at taking things on board and you're kicking her when down. Sheesh!

@Runsyd

Perhaps not the colour I would have chosen but they made a good job of it and Dad was happy!!!
Mind you, we once went on holiday together and he painted the garden furniture of the cottage we rented, god knows what the owners thought!

How is that even relevant? 🤣 I wouldn't touch my mum's underwear with a barge pole but she'd (I assume) happily wash mine. She loves me! It's a good happy thing to be loved

Depends on context, my in laws tried to do stuff from a sort of bad tempered, arnt they useless pov but my df helped from a kind genuine pic

@Wexone

‘Please tell me how he did it ? Trying everything and its not working’

have you left it overnight in a bowl of Viakal to soak? Then do it with a hard toothbrush or one of the little scrubbing brushes. If it’s really bad, Tool station sell a professional d’escalier which is super strong ( rubber gloves) . Then
you need to do it once a month.

I know that this is not the point of the thread, and @crumblingschools will probably come along and diagnose me with some character disability, but I thought you might find it useful. 🤐

I think it would be nice to be asked.

I also wonder how much it is about the person doing it.

They really can't just sit & relax & have a chat with their son/dil & make a fuss of their GC?

Did the overnight vikal aswell as soak in vinger will try a professional one as yoi said now. though live in Ireland and have to see what la avaliable. vikal hard to get now since brexit
live in a high lime area and it's a pain. we even have a water filter but it still gets through thanks a mil

@diddl that is my opinion. Just ask. DS is currently at university. Need to sort out his room at home but I wouldn’t decide what needs sorting.

I fully understand where you are coming from OP. My MIL used to clean (my house may not be the tidiest but it is clean) or drop snide comments when she came round. I did and still do take it personally it’s like what I do isn’t good enough. Unfortunately I snapped and I told her if it wasn’t good maybe she have taught her son how to clean etc
Things are better now as I have come to think of it as she just wants to feel needed so I ask her to do the jobs I hate. She does rub it in my face that she had to help but it’s easier than the snide comments.

OP my dad does this, he can’t help himself, always has done. He’ll mow the lawn that doesn’t really need it, fill our cars with windscreen wash, the tasks can feel so pointless but as so many have said it’s all out of love and just his way of showing he cares and trying to help.
If I ever have something that actually needs doing these days I just mention it in his earshot and it’s sorted within the week 🤣 use it to your advantage!!! I’ve had the entire downstairs repainted haha.