16 year old son ignored my birthday

[Em2024]

AIBU - my 16 year old son completely ignored my birthday - no card, no present not even a happy birthday Mum! I shouted at him and told him he was horrible because I do absolutely everything for him and he said I shouldn’t speak to a child like that! I feel so upset that I have raised a child who can be so horrible. What do I do?

I would be very, very shocked that a 16yo doesn't know his mum's birthday. Something has to be very wrong if he doesn't

If you want to raise narcissistic, entitled, self involved brats who think the world revolves around them, then sure. I believe though, your job as a parent is to raise a well rounded, self reliant, considerate members of society, and that involves parenting, it doesn’t just happen by magic when they turn 18.

Op we understand that he should have said happy birthday but when you say what should you do I'm confused. What does one do when their child doesn't say happy bday? There's nothing to do. You've already had a go at him, you never said what he responded with but I'm assuming he's got the message. Go and enjoy your birthday together with your son!!!

How would you feel if your spouse said that to you? Or if your parents said that to you as a child? The op may have overreacted but calling someone entitled for wanting a small recognition of their birthday from a loved one is peak MN.

@Famfirst

op doesn’t deserve a present or card - why not?
does her son not deserve a present and card when it’s his next birthday then ?

Why would you not want to buy your parents a birthday card?

I swear people on this site never want to do anything nice for their loved ones. No wonder so many have issues with their family. I love to treat my mum on her birthday and make her feel special.

I think it’s the fact that she shouted at and insulted her son, quite possibly during his summer ex period that posters are shocked by… I felt really really sorry for that teenager, fancy having your mum tell you you’re a horrible person! Just awful but OP hasn’t come back and is hopefully having nice family time with her son.

HBD btw OP

*exam

Is he being 'horrible' in general (rude, aggressive), or is it just about the birthday? If it's in general, then I think you have bigger problems than the one day. If it's just the birthday, then I think it's U of you to shout at him and try to pressurize him with 'after all I've done for you', etc. It would not be U, however, for you to point out that birthdays are either important in the family or they're not, and, if they're not, then he also must not expect to have a fuss made of his.

I find adults who care this much about their birthdays very odd.
He's in the middle of his GCSEs he's got bigger things to be thinking about.

'Putting in effort' and 'caring about my birthday' are not identical. I hate my birthday, and don't want to be reminded of it. There are other special days that I do care about. And it's nice to have those days acknowledged. But it's far more important that the people in my life should care about me every day; that they should be interested in my welfare every day; that they should be reasonably consistent and not use me as a whipping-boy for their bad moods (perhaps excusable in a teenager, not a thing I want from adults); that they should help me with things I need; that they should respect me as a person.

There are people, with whom forgetting birthdays is a symptom of general lack of consideration or appreciation. But there are also people who acknowledge birthdays and special days and seem to treat it as an excuse for lack of consistent consideration..

If the people around you treat your birthday as 'the only day of the year specifically about you', then is it much use if they fuss over your birthday? They should be considering you every day, and being 'specifically about you' *when you need it', not on one day a year.

Of course people should treated you well during the year, but life often gets in the way and random occasions to be made ‘special’ may be few and far between. Thats why events like birthdays for some can mark a day where it’s somewhat inexcusable to ‘forget’ to make an effort. It’s especially true when you’re in your youth and learning about being considerate of loved ones, understanding how special gestures and recognition of occasions is a positive moment of building healthy familial relationships.

Mumsnet is 🍌 sometimes.

There's a 51 year old in my house who doesn't know his mum's, dad's or siblings' birthdays.

That's not a good thing!

I sometimes forget when people's birthdays are. The year flies by so quickly they seem to creep up on me!

Because the author pointed out it is horrible to yell at your child and call them horrible?
I'd rather be an over indulgent parent than one who would ever talk to my child like that or who doesn't see that kind of behaviour from a parent as a problem.

You sound very childish selfish and entitled in my opinion, get over it! Your the adult he is a teenager set the example, so just because you do everything for him, that is what a normal parent usually does, he shouldn't be made to feel like he owes you anything for you being a parent!

I can understand you being upset. He should have at least acknowledged your birthday. 16 years olds can be pretty self absorbed and selfish at times. And no I don't think you're reaction was unreasonable, teenagers do need to understand and recognise when they hurt people and showing a certain amount of anger is perfectly healthy and acceptable something I think a lot of parents have forgotten to teach they're children this.The world is not a pretty place, with everyone speaking calmly and politely to each other and parents need to prepare their kids for that. Fair play to you and for his comment I would have grounded the little s* and whoever said forget his next birthday, best idea (although if it was me I'd pretend to forget, until he got the message loud and clear, I'd have everything bought and hidden away lol). Sometimes they need to learn what it feels like.

I think being yelled at and called horrible by the adult in this situation has given the teenager some idea who the Adult might feel........

Some of you "grown ups" are toxic and immature as heck, how god blessed you with children idk..and its no wonder your relationships with your children wither away. He isn't obligated to say happy birthday to you, that's your conditioning of what you believe for your own gratitude, he's 16 and has free will to believe what he wants, that means if he doesn't believe in birthdays, Christmas etc then he doesn't have to say or give anything...expect your mother who push you out on your birthday to say happy birthday not your son who you pushed out and you who should say happy birthday to..its not the otherway round and its not his memory its yours. I think your looking attention from the wrong person who is at his age is establishing his own life and beliefs and know doubt has better things to worry about, not that you probably pay attention to, if your worried about somethingso insignificant to the world..sensitive much. I could go on and on but I'm gona leave it at, grow up!

Are you... ok?

Again, she yelled at her son and called him horrible. No little princes getting excused. Just her child getting screamed at. She is the adult in the situation and chose to act like a little princess.
Perhaps behaviour in school is deteriorating is because too many people are turning blind eyes to the toxic behaviour of the parent.

Jesus. I couldn't give a crap about my birthday. I certainly don't expect my children to go and spend their money on a present for me, and I even tell my husband I don't want / need anything because I don't see the point in wasting money!

Imagine telling your child, in the middle of their GCSEs, that they are horrible for not getting you a card. I imagine he is stressed enough, without having this added to it.