Waste of time holidaying with a disabled person

[justasking111]

I'm really hurt because husband has just said you'll be a nightmare on holiday because you need a new hip. He's sick and tired of dropping me off near our destination and going off to park because it hurts me to walk far.

Our son has invited us to join them on a villa holiday in Portugal. I think husband would prefer to leave me at home.

The thing is I'd be around to watch the children, babysit which husband wouldn't do.

I'd love to be fitter but between my scoliosis and hip issues I admit I'm a bit slow on my feet.

Am I being unreasonable to want to go, my kids and grandkids have no issues.

80 euros per week. That is the cost to rent a mobility scooter for a week.
https://www.algarvemobility.com/for-hire/#:~:text=Heavy%20Duty%20Electric%20scooter,Our%20most%20popular%20rental.&text=80%20euros%20per%20week.

Get your flight booked and enjoy your holiday! Don't waste any money booking him a ticket.

I think the fact that he is being so inconsiderate is the problem and from your posts he has been this way for a long time.

You seem to be quite stoic about his awful attitude towards you but how does it really make you feel? I would be angry.

I don't think the issue is your changing level of mobility, it's your husband's attitude. That is a huge issue to face.

I'm terms of practical approaches, I think I've seen sticks and mobility scooters mentioned, I'd also suggest exploring walking aids such as rollators. Not sure if one would be available to hire at your holiday destination, or whether it may be better to invest in your own. In the last couple of months (having allowed my world to be significantly limited over the last few years, combined with using supermarket trolleys and railway station luggage trolleys whenever available) I finally took the plunge and bought a purpose designed one - which for me means it's light weight (carbon fibre frame) and optimised for off-road use...and I can take a break and have a seat when needed.

You need that procedure whereby ten stone of useless skin is removed. It’s called a divorce. He sounds like a total prick. You would be soooo much better off without him! Enjoy your future holidays without this waste of oxygen.

@justasking111 if I've missed someone asking this I apologise. I have osteoarthritis, I was born with a dislocated left hip and had it replaced privately at 42. I will need the other one done but meantime I've had cortisone injections, have you had any? It would give you some relief, I also use a stick on bad days, it folds down so I can carry it discreetly and use it when I need too.
Please go on holiday, the heat will do you the world of good. I can relate with having a crispy body too. X

@AmazingBouncingFerret thank you it's difficult to explain the pain of scoliosis, the sciatica type symptoms. How walking a distance feels like your spine is being hit by a mallet from the bottom up in an impact pain. Steroid injections into your spine don't last. Nerve blockers stop the spasms though. The pain also radiates down my right leg to my foot.

Now I have arthritis in my spine it will never go away again as it used to. My chiropractor can't do anymore it's just physio now.

No I don't milk it. Just my limp and the occasional ouch annoys him.

Amusingly the arthritis in his thumb gets more attention. He moans about that daily. But won't phone the doctor.

I will get a stick and look into airport assistance

I'm hoping swimming will help. Yes they tried injections into my spine but they only give me around six weeks of relief. I'm hoping being in a warm country will help

You poor thing OP, I'm so sorry you're married to an absolute piece of shit. I hope you have a lovely holiday x

I didn't realise until today he resents dropping me off and parking because it just means he walks alone from the car.

I do this for DH, DF and have done it for friends in the past, its not exactly a hardship is it ? Also would he moan if you went with him and had to walk slowly back to your destination ?

I have no idea of the ops situation but as usual we are only hearing one side there are people who can be a pain in the backside disabled or not

So is it the actual disability he has an issue with or your attitude? That is not aimed deliberately at the op but just because someone is disabled does not erase the normal behaviour traits

leave misery guts at home.
Well, maybe let him drive you to your sons or the airport.

OP I would have divorced him by now.

When I was suffering with some hip and back problems, we still holidayed. We had a caravan, went to siteswhich had short walks and where I could go rest if I needed. Those holidays were so healing and helped me get back to full health.

Of course you should go on holiday…your DH needs to get an attitude change and some imagination so your needs can be accommodated.

Lol. I find very few disabled people actually "milk it". I'm not saying the advice to get aids is bad, it's great (I gave into my pride and got a disability badge in my 30s) but "milking it". Nah. On the contrary I listen to colleagues speak all the time about colds etc without them noticing I've barely left the house in 3 years because I've been too ill. Very few able-bodied people realise the utter trauma of waking every day being ill.

Suggesting a wheelchair for someone with hip pain due to arthritis isn't always the answer. My dd has JIA and has damage in her hip from it not being diagnosed early so she has a lot of pain there and sometimes to ring the changes it seizes up! Sitting for a long length of time in a wheelchair really hurts her hip as it puts quite a bit of pressure on the area.

Your husband really doesn't sound a caring person at all, and seems to want sympathy for his small ailments. How would he feel if you were aa impatient about his memory loss as he is about your difficulty in walking any distance?

Enjoy your holiday with your family and let your husband enjoy his own company.

Your husband sounds like a tit. I hope he gets injured and realises that pain/disability aren't signs of moral weakness. Do take assistance if you find it hard to walk through the airport (bear in mind how poorly a lot of airports are designed for people who can't stand/walk for long periods) - but my goodness, if your husband can't stand walking alone for 5 minutes or walking slowly with you, he needs an attitude adjustment.

Get a stick so you can enjoy whacking the selfish shit on the ankles! My granny also found that a useful tactic for any busy supermarket aisle!

On a serious note do you have power of attorney set up for him? If his memory continues to deteriorate you may not be physically able to look after a person with dementia. I’m quite shocked that he forgot to insure his car and perhaps he’s deflecting from his own worries about his mental deterioration to your physical deterioration.

This!!!

Your son and DIL are inviting you because you (you, not your husband) muck in with their family life and that gives them a bit of a break. I bet if you asked them and they were honest, they would say it's you they really want and he just comes as part of the "package".

As for your "D"H's behaviour towards you, well I have no words. It's cold comfort, but his type are slowly fading out as women become less willing to tolerate such self-centred behaviour from men who are supposed to be "family" men.

Done holidays with disabled people, and also disabled myself.
It's not the helping or changing things to accommodate people that's a problem, it's when they act like arseholes, which your husband sounds like.

I bet your kids and GCs would prefer you around to him. Dodgy hip an all!

Tell him to stay home. You'll get a taxi where you need to go.

OP you do know that he's awful, don't you?

My knees are reasonable right now, but I've needed a walking stick on and off since my early twenties. I hear you. 💕

My MIL got gout when we were away once. Even though we hadn’t had assistance on the way, we were able to get it on the way back very easily. Wheelchair at check in, fast pass through security (for us all) and a loft thing took us onto the plane as it was steps up not a tunnel. Best of all, as we were last off at the other end due to waiting for the loft thing again we were shown into the cockpit and got to sit in and have a chat with the pilot!

Lift. Not loft. Sorry.