To be AMAZED at this cms calculation?

[whatnowws]

Recently split from DS’s dad. He won’t communicate or see ds, so after several weeks I contacted cms. They are getting in touch with him but… the claim is for 730 a month?!? He earns almost 80k? How can this be right?

meanwhile, I’m earning 46k and paying 1,700 in nursery costs and all other costs for ds?

how on earth is that supposed to be fair?! This calculation is also assuming he continues not to see ds. If he wants him a night or more then costs reduce further… basically he can do what he wants and I’m expected to pick up the financial pieces no matter what.

Its not greedy and she’s not trying to punish him - the costs of raising a child should be split 50/50 , whether you are seperated in or in a relationship together.

You've not just got Nursey costs, you’ve got nappies, food, clothing, shoes - heaven forbid that she wants to take her child to do activities at the weekend!

@whatnowws are you using the 20% tax free allowance? Are you entitled to free hours anytime soon?

There is a £120 shortfall between what he pays and half the nursery costs. OP is acting like it’s hundreds. He will have his own living costs as well and I think nearly £800 is probably the most I’ve ever heard being paid via CMS. The nursery costs are ridiculous. My siblings work in a nursery and FT it costs nowhere near that amount.

Your comments have been quite harsh.

“you have to support your child too”

”why should he pay for you to go to work”

OP doesn’t want a hand out. She wants her child not to be financially penalised. Whether you think the CMS calculation is generous or not, I would almost guarantee it is less than the ex was contributing as part of a nuclear family (holidays, clothing, hobbies, days out etc all get more expensive as you move up the income scale).

so what? She is complaining about her income when it is HUUUUUUGGGEEE and far beyond my wildest dreams, and the wildest dreams of many - so she is looking a bit silly in my opinion.

Nursey is expensive! A full time Nursey place can range between £1000 -£2000 dependant on where she lives. Not sure what she needs to address here?

I'm sorry you and your son have experienced being walked out on.

How long will you have nursery fees for? Are you entitled to the 30 free hours at some point? Hopefully the high fees won't be for long. However, he should in my opinion be paying half.

If I were you, I'd be looking at your current work situation and your childcare arrangements to see how you can best get by.

Are you left in the house paying the rent/mortgage all by yourself? Will it be transferred to your name? I'm no expert but I'm sure he is responsible for housing you both. Maybe speak to a family solicitor to find out your rights.

You didn’t actually come on here for advice did you op? People are sign posting you to benefits you’re entitled to, and help you can receive. Some kind mn has taken the time to research the details you’ve given us and found that there is a lot of help that you are now entitled to. But you want to ignore or leave sarky comments to the people trying to actually give advice

Welcome to the world of cms.

Cms hasn't kept up with increases in the cost of childcare.

It's also failed to keep up with the abuse of the self employed system, to avoid cms payments.

It's a national scandal that (mainly) fathers aren't expected to financially support their children.

Meanwhile, other women, will tell you you're lucky as they only got £7 a week for 15 years.

I earn £26k and get £300 a month from my ex and I don't think she's being silly at all. You're just coming across bitter.

OP’s disposable income (or that of other families) is completely irrelevant. It’s simply unfair that the father only has to contribute a tiny proportion of his salary when op is contributing a far larger proportion as well as taking care of the child full time. That’s it.

Thinking that your income has any bearing on this situation is more silly in my opinion.

no, I am not bitter - we were a very happy family on a tiny fraction of what the OP has, and she is the one coming across as bitter, and likely to raise a bitter child, instead of just being grateful that she is stonking rich and enjoying life.

Start a campaign if you want but there is little appetite in this country to make the NRP pay anywhere close to half of what it costs to raise a child. Over £700 is a huge amount based on CMS calculations.

Which is why I was asking for specifics. A general area/age/hours and people could help her. There’s au pairs, nanny’s, different agency’s to consider instead of, or alongside nurseries. I know it’s upsetting to have to change your child’s routine. But you need to be realistic and realise that EVERY break up is going to affect your life in some way

Actually, moaning is literally how everything gets changed politically and legislatively. People complain when something is unfair or unjust and eventually there are so many voices lawmakers are forced to listen.

I think a mother and a father should pay 50% each for a child.

Making parents who walk away do that is hard though.

93% of people who should be paying through the child maintenance service are men. Only 75% of them pay anything at all.

If the mother and father are married then the courts take where the child is living into account when dividing assets but many people don't have a lot of assets.

It was only in my lifetime that the government got involved with making fathers pay (in the 1990s) and it was very politically contentious.

Some men really do not want to support their children. They vote. Lots of people think that this is something the state should not be involved with and they vote as well.

The original cms only got set up because the deal was that any money got back from the fathers would reduce the benefits bill, so the fathers were painted as responsible for the growth in benefits.

Men get away with abandoning children all the sodding time and I personally think they shouldn't and I'm glad that over time (very slowly) the system is changing attitudes.

Why should he pay for you to basically go to work? Because that’s what nursery costs* are.

Eh? Surely dad is also going to work and not offering to be an unpaid carer?

But when you were married you weren't contributing 50% to the cost of the child and running the house so he subsidised you then.

I even don't know where to start.
If he wants cheaper nursery he needs to get involved, if he is happy with a mother having to do all that by herself he needs to pay.
Again, in most UE countries main parent (in reality a mother) doesn't need to cough up another half in money as she takes the burden in other forms, that for example limit her employability. Some posters already advised her to cut hours. You can't eat a cookie and have a cookie.

£1700 is about average nursery costs where I live. I don’t think some of these posters have children, you can’t just find a cheap nursery quickly, waiting lists are ridiculous.

I honestly can’t believe some of the comments. Misogyny really is entrenched in society. If both parents are working, both should pay for nursery. Why should the woman pay for her ex husband to earn double her wages and top up his pension? How can she afford the mortgage if she gives up work? Why should she give up work when he isn’t expected too.

No wonder we are where are, it’s a race to the bottom for some people.

@whatnowws how old is ds?

Nursery costs are huge but they will go down as get older and once at school

Do you use childcare vouchers ?

Yes in the ideal world absent parent should pay half the childcare but the nearly £800 is a lot

Do you rent or have a mortgage ?

If mortgage then under uc you will have a higher living /working allowance

Try putting diff figures and put more into pension to see if get help towards childcare when young

So people shouldn’t have children because CMS is shit? How would you know when TTC what your salaries will be 5, 10, 15 years down the line? Nobody has a crystal ball.

I'm genuinely horrified at these kinds of responses.

So when you have kids, the man can do whatever he likes but the woman has total responsibility for the child, so if she works, has sole responsibility for paying childcare?!

You know it's 2024 right?

Sorry, we need to hold men accountable. There is no blame on women who have children with men who turn out to be arseholes.

Absolutly agree with this