To be AMAZED at this cms calculation?

[whatnowws]

Recently split from DS’s dad. He won’t communicate or see ds, so after several weeks I contacted cms. They are getting in touch with him but… the claim is for 730 a month?!? He earns almost 80k? How can this be right?

meanwhile, I’m earning 46k and paying 1,700 in nursery costs and all other costs for ds?

how on earth is that supposed to be fair?! This calculation is also assuming he continues not to see ds. If he wants him a night or more then costs reduce further… basically he can do what he wants and I’m expected to pick up the financial pieces no matter what.

Why does he not see his son? How old is ds?

Absolutely bonkers on here that women are dragging another woman for daring to expect her ex legally contribute half the costs of their child.

The whole “I got £7 and I managed, he’s paying tax so get over yourself” narrative is abhorrent.

IME most “deadbeats” don’t pay £800pm towards their child.

Agree - deadbeats purposely won’t get a job and will sit on benefits so they don’t have to pay, or only have to pay £6-7 a week.

It’s hardly a lot when OP has a shortfall of £970 each month?! That’s before you even get to food, shoes, activities etc

Because they are your costs, not his. You seem resentful of having to have your child. Would you rather not? I’d be thanking my lucky stars to have full custody and a father paying 7 and a half hundred quid a month for it. Given that you should be paying roughly half each, £1500 a month should be more than enough for a toddler! Your nursery bill is frankly absurd, and unfortunately some of your current arrangements will have to change now you are no longer with your child’s dad, you will have to cut your cloth like the majority of people have to do. I’d start with looking for dad cheaper childcare. How long is your child in nursery to run up such a bill? Or is it a ridiculously expensive one?

I agree with you op, he is a high earner he should be contributing half the nursery costs. As a positive though, when your nursery costs drop he will still be paying that much so a hard few years then you will be in a much better position.

I'm surprised you can be of an age to work full time and have a child without understanding how women face the brunt of the shit when relationships involving children break down.

Yet another reason many women could do with thinking a little longer and harder if having a child is something they really want to do. You should only do it if you're prepared to do it alone financially, because so many women end up there.

You see it a lot on here unfortunately. Terrible attitude

So how exactly is the OP supposed to pay for the other half of running a household if she doesn't work?

I agree, OP. It isn't enough. A lot of people get much less, and that isn't OK either. Childcare costs should absolutely be taken into account.

Of course he should have to pay half of the nursery costs before living costs are calculated. Not sure why it matters that other people have received less from their exes - it's not a race to the bottom. Some of the posters who have responded to you so far are hideous, OP. You're not in the wrong, he is, and the system facilities feckless losers like him.

This.

It’s a fucking travesty how little men have to contribute but loads of people will tell you how lucky you are because they don’t get anything. It shouldn’t be a race to the bottom.

I’m currently on another thread where people are begrudging state money being spent on starving children, but no one bats an eyelid at state money being spent on picking up the cost of neglectful fathers. It’s bizarre.

@TVD2103 great changes in the world aren’t going to happen by you are they 😂😂

I have literally no idea why you're getting the responses you are OP. Maybe because you posted in the middle of the day, and the other women in your position are out, earning trying to make up for the pitiful contribution to get from their exes.

The CMS calculations are an absolute joke. £730 a month contribution to house, feed, clothe, entertain and generally bring up a human being when you get to keep the other £3/4k per month to spend all on yourself is ridiculous.

It's not fair.

Unfortunately a system in which he pays half the essential costs for your DS would mean a huge amount of money now, but significantly less as the child gets older. Even once DS starts school in the near future.

You’ll just have to grind and bear it in the knowledge that his income will likely increase over the coming years and your maintenance will continue to remain high.

It’s not based on half of costs, it’s a percentage of his earnings.

nursery costs are significant, yes, but they are temporary, and when you are no longer paying £730 will be a huge contribution.

so which would you prefer? He pays £1000 a month now to cover nursery fees, but then is allowed to cut right back once ds is no longer in nursery?

you have to consider this is over the course of ds’s lifetime. You are getting less now, but in a couple of years £630 will be significantly more than half of ds’ costs.

He should half the cost of sending his child to nursery because it enables them both to work - not just one of them.

As it happens he is a scumbag who won't see his child so apparently that gives him a free pass on paying for nursery - even though he still goes to work. But lost of women on here think that is perfectly fair.

Meanwhile he is leeching off of his ex and if she simply abandoned her child she would be called all sorts on here and possibly be arrested.

And yet loads of women think this is fair because some other abused woman is getting 7 pounds from her scumbag ex.

@theemmadilemma

rather than putting this back on me and making it the woman’s problem, how about we force men to step up financially as they should? Just a thought.

I totally agree that it's shockingly low and I also agree with the fact it is criminal that some fathers are paying nothing or even less.

Just because someone is worse off, it doesn't mean that OP isn't allowed to be upset by the drastic change in her financial circumstances due to a fuckwit ex vanishing.

Presumably her household costs haven't changed drastically apart from a bit less food and yet there's a £3k hole where his income used to be.

The calculation is far too blunt instrument and if both parents work then childcare costs should be split AND a payment for the other costs made on top.

Why should op pay because he wants to work? Childcare is enabling both parents to earn a living but you think op should be the only one to pay for that.

Childcare costs are BOTH parents costs. Dad is working and benefiting from childcare but not paying for it.

I don't even have children and I think some of the replies on this thread are appalling

It's not solely OP's nursery costs for a start, the kid has 2 parents, they work, the cost should be 50:50

It shouldn't be on her to pay 70-80% of the costs.

I think it's disgraceful how many women see an opportunity to drag someone else down

Who cares if your kids dad pays 25p a month - how is that relevant? CMS is bare minimum, we all know that surely.

But this makes no sense.

You say that they should be paying roughly half each, so presumably you expect the OP to work and earn. But how do you think she can work without paying for childcare?

@toomanytonotice i understand what you are saying. Thanks. Just feels pretty grim right now and I’m genuinely amazed this is legally allowed.

I'm not saying it should be yours or any women's problem. They should be made to split costs fairly.

But until that changes...