To be AMAZED at this cms calculation?

[whatnowws]

Recently split from DS’s dad. He won’t communicate or see ds, so after several weeks I contacted cms. They are getting in touch with him but… the claim is for 730 a month?!? He earns almost 80k? How can this be right?

meanwhile, I’m earning 46k and paying 1,700 in nursery costs and all other costs for ds?

how on earth is that supposed to be fair?! This calculation is also assuming he continues not to see ds. If he wants him a night or more then costs reduce further… basically he can do what he wants and I’m expected to pick up the financial pieces no matter what.

@TVD2103 yes we should both contribute equally. Why should I be paying more?

Why should he pay for you to basically go to work? Because that’s what nursery costs are.

This!

You are on a VERY high income to start with, and then you get this massive extra top up, I think you are incredibly well off, and I am sorry you can't see it, but for goodness sake don't bring your son up with a chip on his shoulder - families living on a small fraction of what you have are still perfectly happy and enjoy life, without bitterness or feeling hard done by.

@TVD2103

he also wants to work.

he walked out on ds. I didn’t walk out on ds. But I have a financial penalty for not being a cunt?

I just did a quick UC calc assuming you aren't paying any pension in, and a take home of 3053. Single person 1 child, max childcare cost for 1 child included. Assumed mortgage not renting. It gives you around 400 a month from UC.

As a side point, I agree, women are shafted at every point when it comes to this. My ex was paying £315 a month for 2 kids that he doesn't see at all. He just quit his job a few months ago and now I get the grand sum of fuck all, and it royally pisses me off that his already paltry contribution can just be wiped out like that. He chose to quit his job as he didn't like working 60 hour weeks by the way. Decided to be a stay at home dad for the kid he went on to have with someone else (that also reduced his contribution too!!). It absolutely enrages me that they get away with walking away from their children and then not paying for them properly. It takes 2 to make a child, and those costs should be split appropriately.

It’s frustrating but CM bears no relation to the actual costs.
on the upside when DS is at school and childcare reduces you’ll still be getting the £730 all else being equal, which will be a big proportion of his associated costs!

You get child benefit and tax free childcare.

Assume you weren’t married and no assets to split?

It's not fair in any way but welcome to the patriarchal society we live in. You're now a single mother with all of the judgement that entails too despite not actively seeking that outcome... that's not fair either but again... patriarchy. I'm going to hazard a guess that like the rest of us that have found ourselves as single parents, you'll soon realise that although it's hard work, it's a bit of a blessing too.

Chin up, you'll survive and your son will know who did the real work bringing him up.

That's why so many single parents don't work or work PT childcare is just too much if you drop a day or two at work so you are at home instead of putting him in childcare you'll probably be within the bracket for additional support. Or look for alternatives child minder might be cheaper etc but probably impossible to find a space. It's not ok but it's the way it is.

His calculation is after tax so it sounds about right whether or not it's fair is a different matter.

I've paid all childcare costs for 9 years. He now wants 50/50 all of a sudden that there are no childcare costs and they are 'easier' and no need for childcare.

So unfortunately, yeah, it's probably correct.

I also get less than a fourth of what you do. It's a shambles.

Why should she pay nursery costs so that he can go to work, by that logic?

What a stupid comment. Never seen anything like it. Both parents should contribute to childcare costs. Bet you'd have something to say if OP decided to sit at home on benefits instead.

@TVD2103

you can phrase it however you like. He doesn’t see his son. He’s decided to be a deadbeat.

again, you don’t seem to have the answer as to why a mother and a father shouldn’t have to each pay 50% of their child’s costs.

No, you're just being ridiculous. Why doesn't he reduce HIS hours to do more childcare?

@TVD2103 what OP is saying isn't complicated, so it's odd that you are struggling with it (and being so rude in the process)

Two parents created a child. Each parent is equally responsible for the care of that child, legally and morally. Both parents need to work, and the child needs to be in paid childcare for that to happen. It's 2024, so there is no automatic assumption that the mother's career is secondary to the father's. Therefore the right and moral solution is that they pay equal proportions of the childcare bill.

Ignore @TVD2103 They are clearly on a windup. No your situation is not fair. You both work so morally should split the childcare AND the cost to raise your son. Sadly this country is geared up to favour the non resident parent financially. And few NRP’s step up of their own accord. You have my sympathies. It’s not right.

Is this a joke or are you the Dad? Nursery costs are allowing both parents to work. The OP is asking him to pay all of it but the equally shared costs of raising a child - you know, the one he abandoned.

Why are the posters on here so keen to race to the bottom?

You can explain it however you want. CMS have done the calculation and that’s it, OP can moan all she wants - it’s not going to change anything and he isn’t going to be forced to pay anymore just because she thinks it’s unreasonable.

I’m also a single mum and understand what you’re saying. It does seem unfair at the moment when you have high nursery costs but those will be a short term cost - you should be eligible for free hours soon than school. Otherwise the amount you state would more than cover half of the costs of raising a child.

I agree with all of this
My exH contributed less than 10% of his income. And nothing at all for the last 7 months. He gets away with it.
Meanwhile I scrimp and save and do what I can to keep the show on the road.
It is hard work, but it's a million times better for me and the kids than if we still lived with him!
Good Luck OP

People can give any answer they want, but they won’t change facts, it is a shame that more women don’t look up what they would be entitled to if it goes wrong, before they have children, even more so without the protection of marriage. People seem to blissfully unaware of how it actually is, until it’s too late.

I don't normally comment on this type of post as I am not in this situation. but this thread has really frustrated me. Why the race to the bottom? Mums who get no contribution - of course that's awful. HOWEVER - that doesn't make the situation where no matter the level of contribution the mum is (almost) always the one left shouldering the majority of costs? Quite frankly, it's irrelevant "how much" the OP is getting - the real issue is the system which is massively weighted in favour of absent fathers.

You earn a massive amount!
Your ex pays you a massive amount!