I’ve bumped my husbands new car 🚗

[StaceyAl]

I’m in a panic. My husband bought an expensive new car last week. He was having an afternoon nap so I just borrowed it to collect my son from sports training. I’ve reversed into a low wall in a car park (couldn’t see it in my rear view mirror) and have dented the rear bumper.
He’s working from home tomorrow- is there any chance I can get up early and take it to a garage to get fixed and return it without him knowing?
what should I do, I can’t tell him he’ll be furious and I took it without asking

My husband has written off 2 of my cars in the past and I managed to forgive him. Just about.

I don't believe this. Rear sensors lower the sound of everything else when they are warning of danger.

I was going to say, have we all realised this is made up yet?

Yes, but it's still fun to see how many people can twist taking someone's week-old expensive car without permission and then damaging it, into an abusive relationship.

Yeah, if you're so terrified of your partner that you physically shake at making mistakes around him then you wouldn't be taking his car without consent within 7 days of purchase and damaging it by driving carelessly.

You're too right none of this is normal..

Your husband doesn't sound very nice at all.

Exactly. It's ridiculous!

This whole story sounds "off" to me, tbh.

When you reverse and the beepers come on to tell you you are close to something, the music is automatically turned down - so you can hear the beepers...

I don't think there is a scenario where the situation could have happened like the OP said.

The husband sounds a bit of a divvie though, also. I mean, come on, it's only a car - and it's only money. You're allowed to be a bit peeved at first, but then, you could even have a laugh about it...

But the beepers bit doesn't make sense to me...

I had the same sort of thing growing up. Even got thrashed for forgetting something. Parents can be shit.

You need to tell him. Assuming there’s a finance agreement in place as well, repairs need to be done by authorised dealerships / garages.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
Own up to it, cover the cost of repairing it and move on. The trust within your relationship is worth far more than any car. Good luck!

Absolutely no way would I be in a relationship with someone who made me shake with fear over a minor accident, life is way too short for that, I'm pretty sure when I'm on my deathbed I won't be remembering sodding accidents to cars or anything else, we are all only human, we all make mistakes some big some small but if in a relationship then support each other, not tremble with fear over something trivial like a car repair and yes it is bloody trivial in the grand scale of things. OP hope it all gets sorted but you really do deserve to live a life without being made to feel inferior or as if you are so wrong, I'm sure your husband has made mistakes.

She waited for him to be asleep and took his car, without asking, knowing he'd say no if she did ask. That's stealing. If he'd said yeah sure drive my car and she did it of course he should be like oh well accidents happen. But she stole something and damaged it being careless (and quite possibly has a habit of being so). Of course she was shaking, she probably thought she'd take it, put it back and he'd be none the wiser. She realised she'd have to own up to her actions and that for many what she did was a major betrayal of trust and even a dealbreaker. I'd have been absolutely pissed in her DHs shoes.

Can you just say nothing, and make out someone reversed into him while he was out in it and it was parked ?
Not that iam an advocate of lies and my mother taught me to own up no matter what I'd done.
But this may be the route to avoid him turning nasty with you

The number of times I've had to go get secretly repaired!!

My husband was very suspicious on holiday though when he reversed into a lamppost and I magically knew all about how to fix it. I was able to examine the damage, quote it and advise that leaving the car out in the hot sun will fix the crush dent or pour boiling water on it (It did)

Too late you fessed up, I would've just got it fixed. The companies eg chips away are very good at hiding their work. One even dirtied the inside of a new panel for me so it didn't look too new 🙃

“Just bumped my car…on we bang any car..”

@JandLandG

The husband sounds a bit of a divvie though, also. I mean, come on, it's only a car - and it's only money. You're allowed to be a bit peeved at first, but then, you could even have a laugh about it...”

lol at “it’s only money”…like that grows on trees!

Its a car, and surely being married means it belongs to both of them? I don't drive my husbands car very often as I have my own but if I needed to use his for some reason and he was sleeping, I would take it, use it and that would be that. If I damaged his car when using it, I would simply tell him and then pay for it or go via the insurance if necessary. If my husband took my car etc. it would be the same. I'm not saying it wouldn't be annoying but it happens and the OP damaged the bumper that's it, not the door hanging off or the front end ripped away, just the bumper. Next time her husband takes a slice of bread out the breadbin is that stealing because the OP brought the bread, nope it's just being married or being together. As I said in my previous post life is too short to waste energy on a small accident / mistake.

What stands out about this thread is how scared you are of your husband and his reactions. You sound in your later post as though he has been abusive to you in his reactions.

I think this is a much bigger issue that banging the car!

it's only a car - and it's only money

How very mumsnet.

😂

You can each own things. As I said further upthread, what if you got a brand new phone, woke up a week later and your phone was gone? Turns out your DH decided to take it, went off to work or an errand and dropped it and smashed the screen? You'd wake up freaking out wondering where your phone was. You'd be pissed at not having a phone until fixed. You'd be mad it was taken without asking.

It's down to agreements you have within your relationship. We buy communal food so of course no problem with him taking some bread. However I have dietary requirements which means special 'free from' food snacks are bought for me, and certain snacks are bought for kids lunchboxes or whatever. So my DH wouldn't snack on either of those without asking, and has his own snacks. If he did and I made a thread about it he'd be labelled a dickhead for eating all the kids snacks and taking food from them.

OP and her DH clearly have a his and hers set up for cars. She knew he didn't want her driving it and waited to take it until he was asleep. She did steal the car, she didn't have the owners permission. He trusted her not to use it, she broke that trust. As I said, if he had said she could take it then different situation entirely. If you have a general agreement in relationship that cars can be used by either person any time then you have prior permission and no problem. OP did not have permission.

Funny, I was thinking how mumsnet to be so worried about dents in cars

It would be great to have so much money that a car is just a car, paying £800 to fix a bumper is nothing, or your insurance premiums doubling is just one of those things.

Meanwhile, in the real world...

I read a few comments where people were suggesting your husband would be wrong to be cross….don’t agree with that at all! Flipping it around, if my husband took my brand new car without asking and smashed it I’d be livid. That said, if he took the one I have now without asking it wouldn’t be as big of a deal. With a new one you’d want to make sure they know how to put the wipers on, control the stereo, parking sensors etc, before the drive off. I think anybody would be pissed off if their partner just took their new car without checking first.

Not me