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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’ve bumped my husbands new car 🚗

605 replies

StaceyAl · 09/06/2024 20:39

I’m in a panic. My husband bought an expensive new car last week. He was having an afternoon nap so I just borrowed it to collect my son from sports training. I’ve reversed into a low wall in a car park (couldn’t see it in my rear view mirror) and have dented the rear bumper.
He’s working from home tomorrow- is there any chance I can get up early and take it to a garage to get fixed and return it without him knowing?
what should I do, I can’t tell him he’ll be furious and I took it without asking

OP posts:
DannyLovesFanny · 11/06/2024 19:19

PuddlesPityParty · 11/06/2024 17:47

Hmm wonder if OP was even insured to drive it.

I wondered the same. If she wasn't she risked being arrested for TWOC and having the car seized.

Valeriekat · 11/06/2024 22:19

StaceyAl · 09/06/2024 20:53

I’ve googled it and think it’ll need a new bumper which is £800 😩
I’m fully insured but don’t particularly want to claim as then it’ll be out of my control and my premiums will increase. Also will have to pay £250 excess anyway

Didn't it have proximity sensors?

Valeriekat · 11/06/2024 22:21

So it had proximity sensors but you didn't bother listening to them?
You shouldn't be driving should you?
Have to go the insurance route because it will probably need all the sensors replaced which could cost thousands.

LazyGewl · 11/06/2024 22:43

Shefliesonherownwings · 11/06/2024 14:08

Not difficult no, but there's plenty of other words I could use to describe it. Ridiculous, absurd, stupid, arseholey - just to name a few politer ones. Oh and I stand by abusive too.

Really? I once borrowed an item of clothing from my sister. I spilled something on it and ruined it. I was really scared to tell her. It’s normal.

ntmdino · 11/06/2024 23:06

PuddlesPityParty · 11/06/2024 17:47

Hmm wonder if OP was even insured to drive it.

I had that thought too - if she wasn't a named driver, which she probably wasn't since she was clearly not intended to drive it, then that could've factored into the husband's anger...she'd only have been insured for third party damage, so it was going to cost the family a lot of money regardless.

beanii · 12/06/2024 08:16

So you got into trouble by taking it without asking and you want to fix the problem by taking it without asking?

If you have to ask permission to drive the car and are 'scared' to tell him about the bump - leave.

Allfur · 12/06/2024 08:19

PuddlesPityParty · 11/06/2024 17:48

Ever thought the OP was being hyperbolic? We don’t know what her husband did because she hasn’t said. She has however used OTT language throughout the thread.

Lots of people have used ott language on this thread about fury and rage

Kerri44 · 12/06/2024 08:48

StaceyAl · 10/06/2024 09:37

I’ve told him, it didn’t go well. I’m ok but I’ve learned my lesson and won’t do it again

I'd have more of an issue about your husband's behaviour to be honest....it's giving red flags! Yes it's a pain in the butt and I'd be abit cross, but never to a degree where someone is clearly terrified to tell me, and you sound more like a child being punished then an equal as his wife 😞

Kazzybingbong · 12/06/2024 08:51

Psychologymam · 09/06/2024 22:10

But who asks their wife/husband to use their car?! Most people I know including us just use either car - we have one mainly for the kids and one the person who doesn’t have the kids that day normally uses. I think everyone understands how annoying it is to have a brand new car pranged, but I think most people are a little concerned that the reaction of the husband has the OP so worried. Accidents happen, everyone is alive and unhurt.

I ask my husband because he really likes his car and I’ve curbed his black alloys and broken the front splitter.

Actually, I don’t ask him anymore because I’d rather not continue to ruin his car 🤣

And no, he didn’t go mental at me.

ThreeAmingos · 12/06/2024 08:54

If you have to ask permission to drive the car and are 'scared' to tell him about the bump - leave.

Even this is not a leave scenario. It's still a brand new expensive car so it would be difficult to tell someone. That doesn't mean anything by itself

DottyLottieLou · 12/06/2024 09:22

It's just a car. Its ok for him to be annoyed but he has no right to be 'very' angry. You shouldn't be living in fear of telling him things. Don't let him hold this over you.

northernbeee · 12/06/2024 09:25

If you categorically can't tell him then I think you've bigger questions to be asking yourself other than how to get the car fixed.

Meggie2008 · 12/06/2024 09:41

All the "surely it's the family car" on this thread confuses me. My car is mine, my partner's car is his.
Can I drive his and can he drive mine? Sure, if the other person isn't using it, but it's still mine and his car, and we'd still ask if the other minded if we took their car.

JRM17 · 12/06/2024 10:19

Firstly it's a criminal offence to Take Without Owners Consent so if he's really pissed he could report you for that, Second most insurance companies don't offer 3rd party cover as standard anymore with a comprehensive policy (which alot of people don't realise) so if you aren't a named driver on his insurance I would check your policy small print very clearly as that is also a criminal offence, thirdly if he is that controlling and coercive I'd be speaking to Harbour DV support and lastly the music on cars automatically turns down when the beeps start which is annoying and unmistakable so please confirm you do not live in NE England as I don't not want some one like you driving anywhere near my child.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 12/06/2024 10:53

Something about this that doesn’t ring true but it’s confusing me as to why someone would make it up?!

expensive new car would not only have sensors that reduce the music volume but if you were heavy footed on the accelerator and the sensors sensed an obstacle it would have emergency braked for you. Did the rear camera not show the low wall? The cameras tend to cover a lot of the road that would normally be a blind spot if relying on mirrors alone, if you weren’t looking in your mirrors or at the big screen in the centre dash console then where were you looking?

Were you just hoping for similar stories from silly little housewives that can’t drive and hide big secrets from their husbands maybe?

ntmdino · 12/06/2024 11:01

DottyLottieLou · 12/06/2024 09:22

It's just a car. Its ok for him to be annoyed but he has no right to be 'very' angry. You shouldn't be living in fear of telling him things. Don't let him hold this over you.

Ah, but if you read these pages often enough, you'll realise that husbands have no right to be "very angry" with their wives, ever.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 12/06/2024 11:03

Why did you take his new car? Seems an odd thing to do without asking. Just come clean

Lovemusic82 · 12/06/2024 11:11

Makes me feel sad that you’re in a relationship with someone your scared of.
If he/you can afford a nice new car then chances are you can afford to pay for it to be fixed? It was an accident, these things happen but it’s just a car and was just a wall you hit (not a child). Yes he might be a bit pissed off but surely lying or hiding it will just make the situation a whole lot worse?

Outnumbered99 · 12/06/2024 11:23

Iloveshihtzus · 10/06/2024 11:57

I’m shocked at the amount of women (I assume they are women?) posting here that the husband’s anger was justified.

The OP has just said she will never be allowed to use his car again - they are married, legally it is their property - that’s what marriage means, like it or not, and she is now not allowed to use it, as if she were a child.

What kind of weird dynamic do you all live in that this is normal????

I completely agree. Serious consequences? No one should be this afraid of their partner, especially for something as trivial as bumping a low wall. Haven't we all done things like that? Isn't it one of those things?
I honestly hope you are OK OP, but please, think long and hard about the situation because you should not be afraid like this. Drink driving or something like that but not a little bump into an inanimate object. that's mad.

JudgeJ · 12/06/2024 11:28

HollyKnight · 11/06/2024 14:26

It's funny, there was a thread the other day by a woman crying her lamps out over her husband cutting up her favourite Fairy washing up liquid bottle. The amount of sympathy and support she got over that is wild when you look at the dismissive comments here towards a man being upset that his expensive brand new car got taken and damaged. 🙃

It's the typical MN response, if he does it it's LTB, if she does it and he's annoyed, angry etc it's LTB! Hypocrisy is never far from MN.

Allfur · 12/06/2024 11:30

ntmdino · 12/06/2024 11:01

Ah, but if you read these pages often enough, you'll realise that husbands have no right to be "very angry" with their wives, ever.

Not over a dent in a bumper, no

Allfur · 12/06/2024 11:31

Meggie2008 · 12/06/2024 09:41

All the "surely it's the family car" on this thread confuses me. My car is mine, my partner's car is his.
Can I drive his and can he drive mine? Sure, if the other person isn't using it, but it's still mine and his car, and we'd still ask if the other minded if we took their car.

Some of us don't feel this way sbout cars

JudgeJ · 12/06/2024 11:32

beanii · 12/06/2024 08:16

So you got into trouble by taking it without asking and you want to fix the problem by taking it without asking?

If you have to ask permission to drive the car and are 'scared' to tell him about the bump - leave.

If his wife is so disrespectful of his property and so careless with it because she wasn't paying attention maybe he is the one who should LTB

ThreeAmingos · 12/06/2024 11:42

Lovemusic82 · 12/06/2024 11:11

Makes me feel sad that you’re in a relationship with someone your scared of.
If he/you can afford a nice new car then chances are you can afford to pay for it to be fixed? It was an accident, these things happen but it’s just a car and was just a wall you hit (not a child). Yes he might be a bit pissed off but surely lying or hiding it will just make the situation a whole lot worse?

If OP was mortally afraid of her husband she wouldn't take the his new flashy car, let alone be so lax that she dents it.

This thread is bizarre from the OP, the updates with the ominous wording, and the replies.

grumpygrape · 12/06/2024 11:46

JRM17 · 12/06/2024 10:19

Firstly it's a criminal offence to Take Without Owners Consent so if he's really pissed he could report you for that, Second most insurance companies don't offer 3rd party cover as standard anymore with a comprehensive policy (which alot of people don't realise) so if you aren't a named driver on his insurance I would check your policy small print very clearly as that is also a criminal offence, thirdly if he is that controlling and coercive I'd be speaking to Harbour DV support and lastly the music on cars automatically turns down when the beeps start which is annoying and unmistakable so please confirm you do not live in NE England as I don't not want some one like you driving anywhere near my child.

Similar to this.

(If this is a true story) OP should be pleased she didn’t have a more serious accident where the Police were involved. She had committed TWOC so unless her husband lied and said she had his permission she was also driving uninsured. Insurance companies don’t insure people who take vehicles without the owner’s consent. Police usually impound cars being driven without insurance. Even with his consent she would need to check his and her insurances to make sure she was covered.

If he lied and said he’d allowed her to drive the car but she wasn’t covered by his or her insurance then he is also culpable of allowing her to drive uninsured.

Something which doesn’t sit well with me is there is no more mention of the son she was picking up from sports training. Didn’t he say anything about driving Dad’s new car?