I’ve bumped my husbands new car 🚗

[StaceyAl]

I’m in a panic. My husband bought an expensive new car last week. He was having an afternoon nap so I just borrowed it to collect my son from sports training. I’ve reversed into a low wall in a car park (couldn’t see it in my rear view mirror) and have dented the rear bumper.
He’s working from home tomorrow- is there any chance I can get up early and take it to a garage to get fixed and return it without him knowing?
what should I do, I can’t tell him he’ll be furious and I took it without asking

I think his reaction is a bit severe. I get he might be upset, but no one was hurt and it is just a car.

Not allowing you to drive it again. Oft that's not a great reaction. You're not a child, you know it was a mistake, an accident, you don't need consequences.

I rolled my dh new car into the ndn car the first time I got in it. He just shook his head and we sorted it. Thankfully it was only a cracked number plate, but I'd be pissed if he banned me from driving it again. We're a partnership, and shit happens.

These actions depict a SELFISH, CARELESS, DECEITFUL THIEF.
Definitely not a good role model.
Not someone I’d want as a friend & definitely someone I couldn’t trust or respect as a partner.
Honestly, would you ‘just borrow’ anyone’s car?
Being married does NOT give you some special pass to treat someone like that!

Have you not noticed that OP’s husband’s reaction was perfectly normal, despite OP’s triggering language about being “scared of consequences”?

Clearly she’s phrased things in an inflammatory way, but when she’s then explained what happened when she told him, it’s nothing out of the ordinary.

OP was in the wrong for taking his new car without asking just for shits and giggles. He’s rightfully pissed off and says she needs to get it fixed up and not drive it again. I think I’d say the EXACT same in his position!

He may eventually relax the “don’t drive it again” rule once the novelty of the new car wears off.

Ridiculous response see like these make me want to delete this app. So predictable, LTB this, narcissistic that. You've just invented your own story. I don't know why people have to make every thread about their own experience.

This thread is insane.

Firstly, I think we can all agree that the chances of this being a real post are very slim - as said above, it's written in a very vague manner, design to froth people up.

Secondly, even if it was true - the husband has every right to be pissed off that she's damaged his car (and yes, people are allowed their own belongings, even when married). It's also not abusive to not want her to drive it again.

I like to wear my husband's sweaters during the winter. He doesn't like me to, and gets annoyed when I do. In fact, he's said that I'm not allowed to wear them anymore. Is that abusive? Should I LTB? When he grumbled the first time about me wearing them, who was the dickhead? Him, for getting annoyed or me, for continuing to wear them even after I knew he didn't want me to? If I'd worn one and sloshed red wine over it and stained it, would it be outlandish of him to expect me to replace it, rather than doing it himself?
The fact that this tale includes a car is clouding people's judgment. Almost anything else and I'm sure people could see that it's not unreasonable to want something to yourself.

he's said that I'm not allowed to wear them anymore. Is that abusive?

Depends. Are you panicking and shaking in fear because there will be severe punishment if he finds out you have been wearing his sweaters?

At no point did the OP say she was shaking with fear "because there will be severe punishment" 🙄

My Dh has a little sports car, not his everyday as he has a van and we have a family car. I would never use his car as it would be just my luck something would happen. If it did I would just have to tell him. He would definitely be really annoyed, that does not mean he’s abusive! Just normal annoyance at the inconvenience and the expense. Op there’s no way you are going to get it fixed that quickly without him knowing especially if you need a new bumper.
I had recent damage to my own car and I waited 6 weeks to get it fixed. Took ages for parts to come in. Take a deep breath and tell him. Good luck!

I apologise. OP indeed actually said that:
'I’m in a panic.'
' I was physically shaking from fear and the reality of what I’d done'
' thought others would receive major consequences for this.'

Yes, I know. I've read all her comments.

She still never said that. You've just extrapolated that to fit your own narrative.

Most people who had taken their DH's brand new expensive car without his knowledge and backed it into a wall because they were not paying attention and were going too fast would be panicking and shaky. It's a natural response to an accident.

Most normal people would be panicking.

Most people would be angry that their partner had taken their car without asking and reversed it into a wall because they were stupid and careless.

All the DH has done is be "furious". I'd be fucking furious if some numpty had backed into a wall in my new car because the music was too loud and they were too heavy footed on the accelerator.

Let's just think about this for a sec. If the new car is his pride and joy, chances are he's a car guy and it's a relatively high-performance car (which I'm extrapolating from the fact that OP said the throttle's much more sensitive than she's used to). I'm a car girl, and my wife isn't allowed to drive my car either - driving a performance car is not the same as pootling around in your average Astra or whatever; there's actual skill involved in keeping machines like that under control and safe on the road. She's not insured on it for that exact reason - she's not that interested in cars, compared to me, and as a result she knows she probably wouldn't be that good at driving it.

Restoring, maintaining and optimising that car is my hobby, I put a lot of time and (my) money into it, and she wouldn't even consider getting in the driver's seat because she respects my personal investment in it. She thinks I'm a complete lunatic for putting that much of myself into what she sees as a shitbox, but still... ;)

So...we both have our separate cars. Hell, I earn significantly more so I bought her car and pay for the tax and insurance, but I still wouldn't dream of driving it without asking her first.

Because it's not mine.

I disagree that most people would panic if they dented a bumper when reversing. Normal people in my experience would assess damage and call insurance/garage.

And OP did not say she was shaking because of shock due to accident. She was shaking from fear. What did she fear?

"So it’s not just a car, it’s his precious baby and no one can dare touch it without asking."

Correct. You see, not difficult, is it?

I know right! Some mumsnetters must have so much money , forking out £800 is small change for them

It depends on the value you place on said car and your partner's knowledge of that. People are entitled to have a thing about cars. just because she was scared to own up doesn't mean hubby is a tyrant (I speak as one who has issued numerous LTBs on MN). If I was in such a situation I would not take the car without asking first and I would be mortified if I pranged it - remember, it's quite new.

I continue to be amazed at the things Mumsnetters say wouldn't phase them. I bet in real life they'd go ballistic. If they bought a brand new sofa and someone poured juice on it? If they had a brand new kitchen installed and someone scratched the hob on day one? And so on...

One thing I have learned from being on MN is that we humans don't have much understanding of ourselves and our emotions. We all think that we would act a certain way in a crisis, but it's just fantasy. Reality is very different.

Not difficult no, but there's plenty of other words I could use to describe it. Ridiculous, absurd, stupid, arseholey - just to name a few politer ones. Oh and I stand by abusive too.

It's funny, there was a thread the other day by a woman crying her lamps out over her husband cutting up her favourite Fairy washing up liquid bottle. The amount of sympathy and support she got over that is wild when you look at the dismissive comments here towards a man being upset that his expensive brand new car got taken and damaged. 🙃

610 votes
90% YABU

Think that answers your question OP.

Good grief, love. Dramatic much? 😂😂

If people have a “thing about cars” to the extent their partner is plainly terrified of them and berating herself, then that is unreasonable. Would I be delighted if this was my property? No. Would I be “mad”? Also no. It’s a material item with presumably very minimal damage that can be easily fixed.

This just bonkers

Adult who makes stupid decision that will cause stress and financial cost to partner is worried about telling partner. Shocker.

That's your reality, not mine

If it's any consolation, my sister borrowed her then-fairly-new-boyfriends car for the day, after her car went into the garage for repair after she hit a pillar in a carpark.
What did she do? She hit someone on a roundabout in BFs car...

Fortunately, he was very forgiving, and they're now happily married. :)

Hmm wonder if OP was even insured to drive it.

Ever thought the OP was being hyperbolic? We don’t know what her husband did because she hasn’t said. She has however used OTT language throughout the thread.