Would you go to a friends engagement party on the day of your birthday?

[Sevensummers]

My birthday is in September and my friend just recently told our friendship group that her engagement part is on my birthday. I immediately said I won’t be able to come because it’s my birthday and I’ll be doing something nice with my boyfriend, was planning a nice weekend away, however nothing is booked yet. I said to my sister its a shame because I would’ve liked to go to that, but it’s only an engagement party, it’s not as if it’s her wedding day. My sister said why don’t I just do my birthday getaway the weekend before/after but I said no because it’s nice to do it on my actual birthday, I want my birthday to be about me, I don’t want to be celebrating someone else’s engagement when I want to be having my own celebrations for myself lol. My sister said ‘but you still can! You can literally do both’ But I just felt like it’s not the same, it’s not like your birthday falls on a Saturday every year and seeing as it does this year, I want to make the most of it. I really love birthdays, we dont have a lot of money and I never get to go away or buy myself things so we tend to make a big deal out of birthdays and make them really special for each other. And I was looking forward to doing something really good on the actual day of my birthday.

However I’m starting to feel a a bit selfish now and think I should go to my friends engagement party and just do my birthday celebrations some other time. What do you think? Would you think badly of your friend if she didn’t come to your engagement party on her birthday?

just to note, she isn’t my best friend. Our group only sees each other a couple of times a year. So it would be nice to see them all as the last time was almost a year ago. But at the same time we aren’t SUPER close

Why are you 'forking out' in this scenario? The OP just says it's an engagement party. Usually you just show up!

I’d go to the engagement party. It’s likely your friend will only get engaged once - you’ll have a birthday every year.

I wouldn't give this a second thought . I'd go to the party and enjoy then enjoy my weekend away another time . This having to have a special day all about yourself on the exact day sounds .. childish .

I would probably go to the party, assuming party is the Saturday you can still do a nice birthday breakfast and make the most of your birthday by booking a hotel room to stay over and have a nice day out on the Sunday.
Unfortunately birthdays tend to get less special when you're an adult so non "0" birthdays don't get made much of a fuss of.

I would celebrate the birthday the weekend before/after or take annual leave and go away Friday night waking up in the special place on my birthday and go to the party later that day.

You get to do two fun things instead of one then.

As PP I wouldn’t cancel if I had booked something but you haven’t so it’s no issue to organise around it.

Except you haven't made plans.

Sorry but this is all a bit ridiculous given that it is just a regular birthday and not a "big" one.

You sound hard work and not really a "friend".

My birthday was usually the last day of school or that weekend.

I left primary school on my birthday
I graduated on my birthday.
I attended other people’s birthday parties (usually August birthdays on my birthday).
It was never an issue as my family still made time to celebrate me even if not much on the actual day.

Last year my husband was away for my birthday, it was fine, we celebrated once he was back.

I would definitely attend the engagement party as then I get to do both things! (Have fun celebrating my friends and also go away the next weekend).

If you'd already booked a trip away, fair enough. But it is quite selfish to say you can't celebrate with a friend because you're considering booking something on a day you think should be all about you.

It's one evening that will be all about her, just this one year. Go, have a few cocktails as it's your birthday and go away the following weekend. It'll be like a week's worth of birthday celebrations.

You obviously don't want to go so don't. You shouldn't need other people to validate your choices.

I NEVER am able to celebrate my birthday on my birthday; I always celebrate another time, sometimes months later.

Well that’s my point… I’m not really a close friend. We don’t really speak throughout the year. Once or twice a year someone will post in the WhatsApp that we need our yearly meet up. None of us in that group are invited to the day time wedding, just the evening. Because the day time she is keeping for close friends. So you’re right.. we’re not really very good friends

I would go and celebrate my birthday at some other time, wouldn't think twice about it.

I've been invited to a family members special birthday, on my actual birthday. I didn't want to go, and I couldn't afford to celebrate both theirs and mine.

It wouldn't occur to me that anyone would think the way you do on this tbh OP, so this has been enlightening! Birthdays happen every year and for loads of reasons we can't often celebrate or do what we'd like to on the exact day anyway. I'm really not arsed about my birthday at all though and neither is DH nor any of our siblings or parents so.

This yr it's been both DH and I big birthdays and on my birthday I just had my DB and DPs round and we got a takeaway for tea. For DH's we've done absolutely nothing (his choice) and I spent most the afternoon at a birthday party with DC1 or one of her friend's. He did say he may make some plans to do a particular activity with some of his male relatives at some point but he's in no rush to have done it on the day itself. I mean DC1 does an activity on each weekend day and young children don't typically let you enjoy a birthday anyway.

I'd be made up to go to an engagement party on my birthday, it would be a lovely way to spend a birthday.

I think as it’s four months away and you’re already excited about your birthday then go and celebrate you and your birthday.

personally I’d not think twice about it, I’d do both, but I also don’t give it four moths in advance I’m going to be celebrating me! Which is still amusing me,

Of course I'd go!

True, but I would still consider it to be plans even if you haven’t actually booked anything. If someone replied to my invite saying they weren’t coming because the party fell on their birthday and they were doing something else then I would understand completely.

I think engagement parties are a step too far though (unless it’s instead of a stag and hen do), personally, so that might be clouding my judgement!

Mumsnet us batshit crazy

I think adults making a big thing of their birthday and engagement parties are both silly so it doesn't matter which one you do.

I find adults who care about birthdays as creepy as those Disney adults

How precious?
I want my birthday to be all about me, I'm far more important and got to trump my friend's engagement party.
You'll make a brilliant mil one day.

How is someone caring about their birthday creepy? 😂 you are a very strange individual. I wonder what made you so miserable

This.

Or perhaps even younger.

Nooo I’m not having children! I’m FAR too selfish for that. Then it wouldn’t all be about me! 😆

I want my birthday to be about me

What a princess!