Would you go to a friends engagement party on the day of your birthday?

[Sevensummers]

My birthday is in September and my friend just recently told our friendship group that her engagement part is on my birthday. I immediately said I won’t be able to come because it’s my birthday and I’ll be doing something nice with my boyfriend, was planning a nice weekend away, however nothing is booked yet. I said to my sister its a shame because I would’ve liked to go to that, but it’s only an engagement party, it’s not as if it’s her wedding day. My sister said why don’t I just do my birthday getaway the weekend before/after but I said no because it’s nice to do it on my actual birthday, I want my birthday to be about me, I don’t want to be celebrating someone else’s engagement when I want to be having my own celebrations for myself lol. My sister said ‘but you still can! You can literally do both’ But I just felt like it’s not the same, it’s not like your birthday falls on a Saturday every year and seeing as it does this year, I want to make the most of it. I really love birthdays, we dont have a lot of money and I never get to go away or buy myself things so we tend to make a big deal out of birthdays and make them really special for each other. And I was looking forward to doing something really good on the actual day of my birthday.

However I’m starting to feel a a bit selfish now and think I should go to my friends engagement party and just do my birthday celebrations some other time. What do you think? Would you think badly of your friend if she didn’t come to your engagement party on her birthday?

just to note, she isn’t my best friend. Our group only sees each other a couple of times a year. So it would be nice to see them all as the last time was almost a year ago. But at the same time we aren’t SUPER close

I think that because it's depressing many people like to have something good around their birthday too. It's only once a year and there is no harm in wanting to celebrate it.

You could wear a big “it’s my birthday” badge…

It's still only one engagement party though. The wedding is different. Hens are usually just for a select group. Anniversary parties are only (in my circle) for the huge milestones (I'm talking 30+ years).

I didn't have one, we went straight into wedding planning and decided to prioritise the actual wedding, financially. My sister, however, knew they wouldn't financially be in a position to get married for a few years and so they had an engagement party to celebrate. It means different things to different people, but for most, it's a one off.

If a birthday was a one off, then there'd never be engagement parties. Or weddings. Or anything else.

Yes, of course! An adult birthday is a total non-event. This year on my birthday I will be going to work, then doing a supermarket shop and then volunteering. That's it. My birthday will not be mentioned by or to anyone, as it's irrelevant. I'm not that keen on the idea of engagement parties, but if a friend wanted me to be there then I'd go.

Jeezo
You have a birthday ever year I’m sure for this one you could celebrate earlier or later
Your friend won’t have another engagement party

I love it when people announce things like this as if they are well known empirical fact based on a mass survey of the whole world when what you ACTUALLY mean is "I and maybe a few of my closest friends don't do anything particular...'

I wouldn't even know how the details of how the majority of my friends/colleagues/acquaintances/extended family members celebrate their birthdays let alone EVERYONE, to make such an extended judgement.

I should clarify that I don't really celebrate my birthday myself so it's not as if I'm coming from the complete other side of the argument, just the ridiculous of people making comprehensive sweeping statements without any actual evidence apart from their very limited own anecdata makes me 🙄

OP personally I would go to the party. I can understand prioritising your own birthday if you had something already booked or that could only be done on that day but if you haven't already got anything planned then keeping it free just because you want the day to be about you does seem a bit odd. If you do something another day you'll get to go to a party and see loads of friends, so have a great day on the actual day, and then do something else to celebrate your birthday the day/weekend before/after - spread the fun!

"It's still only one engagement party though. The wedding is different. Hens are usually just for a select group. Anniversary parties are only (in my circle) for the huge milestones (I'm talking 30+ years)."

Yes, anniversaries are only the big ones, but still my point is that is' not just ONE party for the engaged woman. Hens are usually NOT for a select group any more, they often include work colleagues and female relatives, not just the bride's good friends. Search on here and you'll find plenty of people saying they were invited to the hen do, but only the evening do of the actual wedding.
I've been to a hen do when I wasn't invited to the wedding at all!

"I love it when people announce things like this as if they are well known empirical fact based on a mass survey of the whole world when what you ACTUALLY mean is "I and maybe a few of my closest friends don't do anything particular...'"

And then end up saying that actually they DO go out for a meal, so yes, they DO celebrate it.

She might if she has a second marriage, which many people do these days.

In any case, there will be a wedding as well.

Celebrate your birthday the weekend before or after, it’s not that big of a deal! My friend got married on my birthday, it was amazing! Couldn’t think of a better way to spend the day!

You know what you're right.

Maybe 8-10 events for a long lasting marriage over a lifetime. That's the same as 80 birthdays.

👀 the other thread

So are you a mother or not, because in one thread you are a mum of 3, but in this thread you won't ever be a mum ? Why are you so blatantly lying?

A birthday happens every year. An engagement party happens once (you'd hope, anyway!) I often do something the weekend after or before my birthday if that's going to be convenient, so I wouldn't be in the least bit bothered if someone else had a special occasion on my birthday - I'd just do something one or other side of it.

I am allowed to be me me me on my birthday. It’s the one day a year that I CAN be like this.

This is a bizarre thing for an adult to say. I'm sure many people do like to feel appreciated on their birthdays and to maybe receive flowers or go for a meal out, but this level of thinking a birthday makes you special is not normal beyond childhood years.

I'm not trying to be a dick but you seem to think that everyone who is judging you is in the wrong and "making unhelpful comments". I don't think the comments are unhelpful at all, you may actually benefit from being aware of how people will react before you say things like this to people in real life.

I’m never quite sure what people mean by the day being about them. On my birthday I get some gifts in the morning then maybe go to a nice restaurant or have friends round. Other than gifts how is ‘having the day all about me’ any different from any other day when you go out or do something nice?
I wouldn’t hesitate to go to an engagement do on my birthday.

🤯 It's only an engagement party FFS!
Everyone is becoming so damn precious and untethered from reality.

If you'd rather have a weekend away with your boyfriend, go for it.

To me, 33 is a birthday worth celebrating in style, but that's because I like the number, and I loathe all the weird concocted fuss around 30, 40, 50 etc.🤷‍♀️

Yea I mean you have a birthday every year! Seems odd to not go when you could easily celebrate another weekend.

1. engagement parties aren't even a thing. That's what the wedding's for surely.

2. if you are going to insist on an engagement party, surely it's a fairly spontaneous night out with whoever happens to be around- who plans an engagement party 3 months in advance?! It only took my 6 months to plan my whole wedding!

I know i already wrote that, but engagement parties were already a thing before my own parents were even born. Before my grand-parents were born!

You can dislike them, but the fake naivety is tedious.

Sounds like life is very confusing for you 😂

I don’t understand how she is having an engagement party that she is planning 3 months in advance, surely you have an engagement party soon after getting engaged to celebrate the engagement. 3 months seems too long after the actual event to be celebrating, she may as well just wait until the wedding. I would definitely prioritise my own birthday over a party to celebrate a months-old engagement.

I didn’t say it was.

Your point ?

Engagements and weddings tend to be once-in-a-lifetime things. You have a birthday every year. Next year your birthday will be on a Sunday so you'll have that whole day free. It's a bit daft to be disappointed that you can't attend an engagement party for plans that haven't even been made.

I think they were more common in the past, but were they really something everyone was supposed to drop everything else for?

An elaborate engagement party, that takes many months to plan, is the first indication that the wedding is more important than the actual marriage.

Along with expensive destination weddings, and week-long hen dos- why do so many people expect others to spend a huge chunk of time and money celebrating them?!