Would you go to a friends engagement party on the day of your birthday?

[Sevensummers]

My birthday is in September and my friend just recently told our friendship group that her engagement part is on my birthday. I immediately said I won’t be able to come because it’s my birthday and I’ll be doing something nice with my boyfriend, was planning a nice weekend away, however nothing is booked yet. I said to my sister its a shame because I would’ve liked to go to that, but it’s only an engagement party, it’s not as if it’s her wedding day. My sister said why don’t I just do my birthday getaway the weekend before/after but I said no because it’s nice to do it on my actual birthday, I want my birthday to be about me, I don’t want to be celebrating someone else’s engagement when I want to be having my own celebrations for myself lol. My sister said ‘but you still can! You can literally do both’ But I just felt like it’s not the same, it’s not like your birthday falls on a Saturday every year and seeing as it does this year, I want to make the most of it. I really love birthdays, we dont have a lot of money and I never get to go away or buy myself things so we tend to make a big deal out of birthdays and make them really special for each other. And I was looking forward to doing something really good on the actual day of my birthday.

However I’m starting to feel a a bit selfish now and think I should go to my friends engagement party and just do my birthday celebrations some other time. What do you think? Would you think badly of your friend if she didn’t come to your engagement party on her birthday?

just to note, she isn’t my best friend. Our group only sees each other a couple of times a year. So it would be nice to see them all as the last time was almost a year ago. But at the same time we aren’t SUPER close

I'd go regardless of whether it was a "big" birthday or not. But then I've never made much of a thing of my birthday.

Yes this is so true, when your an adult getting older is rather depressing and doesn’t need a song and dance. Some people are self centred I suppose and like things to be all about them. I’d rather forget that I’m another year older.

I would go to any event I wanted to go to on my birthday and celebrate my birthday another day, or not. I certainly wouldn't miss a friend's engagement party just because it was my birthday. I might do if I had already booked something I could not cancel.

Good lord, you are 33 not 13.

when your an adult getting older is rather depressing

Better than the alternative!

My kids regularly celebrate their birthday on a different day to when it actually is, in fact my soon to be 15 yo will be delaying her party by a week this year, even though her birthday is a Saturday because there's another event on her birthday.

You are sounding like a very spoilt child. A birthday happens every year, your friend presumably intends to only get engaged once.

Edited to change my response because I've now actually RTFT and seen that you've graciously conceded!

I think engagements should be private events- perhaps a small family meal.

Otherwise, I think they are about wanting presents which is rather awkward when they need to be returned later on after the engagement us broken. Someone I worked with was engaged 3 times and married twice within a relatively short time. Party every time and each relationship ended in disaster. No one would contribute to a present after the second engagement.
The pattern was : engagement, wedding divorce, engagement, broken engagement, engagement, wedding, divorce.

33rd birthday 'my special day' 'all about me'. It's very childish.

I wasn’t aware that engagement parties were compulsory. Is bringing a present compulsory too? What about the spa weekend for the bride’s hen do and the wedding present list for the Third Big Day, AKA the wedding? This is going to cost me a fortune, isn’t it?

Engagement party > not-yet-organised birthday weekend

I suspect you don’t really want to go to the party. motivation for going to these things are that you want to be there to celebrate with the host, and/or you want to see the people going. It doesn’t sound like you feel either of these things. Your sister is right, you could do both including a great weekend away. Just be honest.

Odd that the op hasn't retuned after her teenage pregnancy to children she claims not to have was mentioned...

You sound precious.
I would go to the engagement, it absolutely trumps your birthday.

I know a girl who came to our mutual friends wedding on the day of her birthday. Like yours, it wasn’t a big milestone.

I mean, if I was in your shoes I’d 100% attend the party. A 33rd birthday isn’t anything special.

But it’s completely up to you what you choose to do.

Do most people have engagement parties? I didn't, don't know anyone who did, wouldn't regard it as a big deal to miss one.

@PeonyAndBlushSuede an engagement party isn't a wedding though.

Of course! Your birthday is EVERY YEAR - hopefully your friend's engagement us a one off!

Exactly this! Just do it the weekend before / after! Anything after 21 is just another day in our books!

I personally would go, a birthday happens every year whereas an engagement party doesn’t (usually!).

I agree with your sister, but if you really don’t want to go and would rather celebrate your birthday, do that so you’re spending your time as you wish. I know your post doesn’t indicate this is the case with you but I’d also say don’t blame your friend for planning it this way

Unless it’s a big birthday, which you’ve already said it isn’t, I’d go to the party

Your sister is right.

I'm not sure why it would matter when you did a birthday thing with your boyfriend.

Does the friend care if you don't go? It wouldn't bother me to go to the party on my birthday, id just do my stuff the weekend before/after and probably go for a nice lunch the day of.
Is it usually for people to have an engagement party so long after getting engaged? I'm assuming she is actually engaged by now but planning the party for 4 months time. Here most people have the engagement celebration not long after the actual event if they even have anything formal at all, it's often just a get together at home or local restaurant. Is she one of these people that will be expecting an extravagant hen too and gifts at every event leading up to her actually getting married.

I've gone to other people's birthdays on my birthday. Even kids' birthdays. An engagement party would definitely rank higher. However, I don't really celebrate my birthdays. At the most we might go put for a meal if we don't have anything better to do. This doesn't mean that's the right way to do things. So if your birthday is important to you and your friend's engagement is less important to you then I don't think you are doing anything wrong by prioritising your birthday.

An engagement party isn't really a one-off either because there will be a wedding too, and maybe also a hen night or anniversary parties years later. Or even another engagement party to the next husband after the divorce.
Why is somebody's engagement more important?

I've only ever been to one and that couple is still not married or cohabiting about 8 years later so I'm glad I didn't miss my birthday for it.
I've no problem with people having an engagement party, but it doesn't have tro trump everything else!