Husband to not attend nursery graduation?

[AleenaM]

Nursery graduation at the end of the month and summer party right after, but husband says he has a sports/hobby competition that day. Don't know if he's joking but even the suggestion annoys me.

AIBU to expect him to attend party? Child won't graduate again but I'm sure they'll be competitions again. He is just getting back into this sport and it's a regional competition, it's not like a once in a lifetime olympics or something ...

I don’t totally disagree but would say that I do think the “ happy parents, happy child” philosophy, while not wrong in its fundamentals, gets flogged to within an inch of its life.

I mean, obviously you show up for your kids. But in this scenario, kid gets a parent there, the other parent gets to do something that keeps them sane. Another time, mum might not be able to go, for whatever valid reason, and dad will.

That's how it works here. We are a team and we're also all still people in our own rights. So we balance it. Net result is that everyone is happy.

Nursery graduation? Give over 🙄

I completely agree with this.

I am now an older parent, my dc are in their 20s so I speak with a bit of hindsight now.

Yes our lives change when dc come along. That is a fact and to be expected. But our entire lives do not need to revolve around the dc 100% of the time. We still need to continue keeping a part of 'us' alive in there.

I see it a lot in how badly now at my age, parents (and I will say it is more mothers in my experience) get hit with such a whammy with empty nest syndrome. And why, because our entire lives were 100% focused on what our dc wanted, needed, achieved etc. etc. We went to the back of the queue with our wants and needs.

I am not saying to be not be there for the child's achievements, but in there somewhere there does need to be a step back from time to time to keep yourself sort of towards the top of the needs/wants list. I am not talking about extravagance, just basic things that you do for you.

As in 16 years time, if you don't nurture those things, you will forget about them, rate them as unimportant, and find yourself putting everyone else ahead of you at every moment.

I know of many empty nesters who are really struggling now. I was one of them. I lived only for my children and what they needed and wanted. And when they left home to live their own lives, I felt I had no purpose in life anymore.

It all about a bit of balance.

A nursery graduation, what did your child achieve to mark this enormous milestone?
The sports event sounds much more important. To be honest anything sounds more important.

I think this can be true of marriages/ relationships as well. It is so easy to let children consume every last ounce of emotional energy and “ put everything into them” but someone once said to me ( think it was my obstetrician’s parting wisdom actually) to always remember your spouse is really your longer term relationship. The years with dc in the home are wonderful and intense but short in the scheme of Life. There will come a day again when you are sitting across a dining table with just the two of you!

I would be annoyed because this could be the start of a future pattern of behaviour - leaving the Op to attend all the kids events on her own while he swans off to enjoy himself without his family. Or if he does come it is under duress. There are lots of times one or both parents can't make these things and it is not the end of the world, but you do sometimes want to be there all together to celebrate your children's milestones.

I don't understand the comments that say the kids wont remember it so it's no big deal. We might as well take kids nowhere, since they wont remember any of it.

the point was that it's a complete non event, and ONE parent (or grand-parent) is enough. It's better for the kids to have someone, but the whole family is not needed.

The DH has other plans, he's perfectly reasonable to stick with them and not cancel everything for that non-event. It's not like he is the only available adult in this case.

It's far too much pressure on kids when they are stuck with martyr-parents who make sure everyone knows their entire life revolves around the kids.

Martyr parents?? Jesus h christ.

Update :

Dear Husband did not attend graduation. Child appears to not care, however I will say it was a very lovely 20minute spent outdoor looking at my child and his peers in adorable gowns singing a song. Children had between 2 and 8 family members guests each. Everyone enjoyed it.

No I did not post anything on social media, but I have framed the diploma already 😁

Glad it went well. Sounds sweet. Thanks for the update.

It’s totally fine to post proud moments on social media - I was proud when mine left pre-school for big school. However, I think the main point most were trying to get across is don’t stress about two parents attending an event. I can count at least 4 events for my primary age child in the last few weeks during the work week (sports day, fairs, classroom visit to see their work, concert) so its totally fine to just have one parent at an event. I remember there were lots more in our Reception year too with parents invited into the class etc so just not realistic at all to have two parents there most times.

Save your annual leave to cover the holidays is my advice! 😅

Gowns?? Ffs

Gowns? And a Diploma? So their ‘achievement’ is literally to get older (and go after the summer to school presumably). Very sweet I’m sure, but I bet he’s privately glad he saved his annual leave for something else!

Wow, if my child was at a nursery which required me to buy a gown to mark a so-called "graduation", I'd make sure he was at home that day.

Wow. You all are real sour to be honest 🤣 Guess I already knew that by the 500+ replies most of which were not nice!

the party was at the weekend so no one took a day off! But as I said, most families turned out with a good amount of adults and siblings who of course were not dragged there! It was only 30mins ffs.

Gowns were provided. And children were all gifted a leavers hoodie too. It was sweet!

I framed the diploma because I used to bin my kids art secretly and then saw other mums frame their kid's ones instead. So I bought a frame from Amazon which can store all the art at the back. My kid loves it! So I framed the diploma too. And if you all must know, kid did struggle in nursery and I am proud of the social and behaviour improvements they managed at nursery!

YABU
Graduation from nursery ?? Never heard of it. It's called last day of term before going to infant school in old money. Let husband get on with it. Have a tea and natter with the other parents.

Will also add that looking at social media, every single private nursery and council nursery across the 3 local authorities that I live near has had a graduation for school leavers, so unless you don't have children and don't know people with children I don't get how can one be so shocked ?!

If I look at my social media it's impossible to imagine how Trump ever won an election and Brexit was voted for.
ie it can be a bubble of your own world.

I’m glad your little one had a nice time @AleenaM and very cute that you’ve framed the little diploma!

A lot of milestones are just about the passage of time. No one moans about a 60th birthday celebration. I’m with you OP. It’s a nice thing to do and no one actually compares it to uni graduation. Children do develop a lot and parents can develop good relationships with nursery staff over years so it’s nice to have something. Glad you had a nice time.

I'm glad it went well but it's a pity you felt lonely.

Nursery graduations are very sweet and it is a big deal for the little kids.

Glad it went well! Sounds lovely. Don't listen to the nay sayers. It is a big step and you should enjoy your proud mum moment. x

I highly doubt social media is showing imaginary graduations for all the local nurseries. All the ones around here do it too, definitely not imaginary unless I, my friends and our children are all also imaginary.