Husband to not attend nursery graduation?

[AleenaM]

Nursery graduation at the end of the month and summer party right after, but husband says he has a sports/hobby competition that day. Don't know if he's joking but even the suggestion annoys me.

AIBU to expect him to attend party? Child won't graduate again but I'm sure they'll be competitions again. He is just getting back into this sport and it's a regional competition, it's not like a once in a lifetime olympics or something ...

Both mine managed the shift without a ceremony. They said goodbye to the staff, probably in a more personal way as most children had different last days (with some continuing into the school term in order to manage the dreaded staggered start).
I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but it's really not needed IMO.
TBH, I was probably more emotional when my youngest left nursery. He'd had the most lovely keyworker (who I am still in touch with 11 years later). I didn't get any sort of ceremony!

I couldn’t get worked up about this.
nursery “graduation” is one in a line of many things over the next 10 years you will sit through because you have to.

I had a nursery graduation, I remember being excited about wearing a cap and gown and that’s literally it, I can’t remember who attended and who didn’t. I don’t think it’s bad for him to not attend if he has a competition, as long as there’s one person attending.

im a stressed working parent - but my son’s nursery ‘graduation’ was wonderful! It was like a special concert/assembly - the kids learnt special songs and sang them, they each had a line to sing or say, they did a bit where each kid said what they wanted to be when they grew up (my son: an ice cream van driver), and we had drinks and buns the kids had baked. Each kid took home a framed drawing they had done of themselves as a grown up (ie in the ice cream van 😁). Maybe the nursery is even more special than I realised but I thought it was bloody fantastic. My daughter is “graduating” this summer and I’ve booked leave to go. I wouldn’t miss it for a hobby, and I would be VERY upset if that seemed an easy decision for my other half…

As long as one parent is there, he won't care.

That's hilarious. I mean I absolutely love that shit because I'm a sentimental idiot, and I wasn't working so I went, but wouldn't dream of any working parent taking time off for it or forcing them to show up in general.

My DH is often stuck at work for all sorts of school concerts, swimming galas etc . I’m afraid getting time off for a nursery graduation would not even have been on his radar.

We had a little party at nursery ( think party rings, finger sandwiches, tea/coffee for parents and a very small gift from the teachers for each child). I can’t think that any dads went. Not even sure all the mums did, so I’m afraid YABU. Their school career is loooong; you can’t expect that level of intensity all the way through.

There’s a Jim Jefferies sketch about this

My son is 13 and had a nursery graduation. It was lovely. However, if one parent can go, I wouldn't expect the other to miss a competition/match/anything else important to them. Could an aunt/uncle/grandparent fo with you?

You graduate after completing a degree. This is utter nonsense, as is a primary school prom.

Everyone does realize the event is on a weekend, right?Neither OP, nor her DH have to miss work. It is the DH/dad who has chosen to sign up for his hobby over family time. Apparently the bar is low for dads and the 1950's housewives posting here in defense of the DH's choice is astounding. Not to mention the utter lack of enthusiasm for the wee ones by mums here who wouldn't suffer the tedium of their child's special day. The children might not remember the event details in 50 years, but they'll certainly remember the love their parents showed by celebrating them. Indifferent parenting is contemptible, really.

Why do you assume your child 'won't graduate again'? Sad that your expectations are so low.

Ah will you give over. Any parent who signs up for a hobby is choosing to sign up for a hobby over family time. But guess what, a parent doesn't have to flagellate themselves once they have children and outside of their work hours commit 100% of their time to sitting looking at their children.

I have 4 children. You'll be horrified to hear that I actually have 3 hobbies. And due to how much time I spend driving my children around places, sitting outside activities waiting for them, arranging uniforms and costumes as well as paying for all these things, providing packed lunches, travelling to events, dropping and collecting to various rehearsals, buying tickets to events etc, I don't feel one bit guilty for taking 3 half hours (90 minutes!) a week to myself. I will prioritise my events over events that my children have that I feel don't need the attendance of 2 parents. I have a DH - who can go to events when I have something else on. Sometimes I will have to forego my hobby if there's something important or if my DH isn't available. But this idea that parents have to drop everything just because they've become a parent is ridiculous. I can promise you in 3-4 years time that child will have very fuzzy memories of nursery and will not remember who was at their "graduation".

Team DH. I hope he has a great day at the competition.

But will they remember when they’re 24?

If you could stop projecting for a minute, you would realise that people you disagree with agree with one PARENT not attending. No one is saying the mum should be there, and the dad should be excused.

It's important for kids to have quality time with ONE parent you know.... the "graduation" will be just as important if it's mum or dad, or even a grand-parent.

I assure you that no child will ever be grateful to have a martyr parent who will remind them for years to come of all the sacrifice they've made, how they didn't have a life and a few hobbies. If nothing else, it's horrendous example for the child!

Parents are allowed to have hobbies. It isn't DH's fault that his competition happened to fall on the same day.

As long as one parent can make it, I don't see the issue.

I think so, yes. I remember my Dad not showing up to my reception sports day, and the first 'school play' I did where I had to say the word 'consequently'. I remember my DM being there, but I clearly remember my Dad not showing up. I remember my Mum picking my up from play school, but never my Dad.

Forget the cringey graduation title. But if it was a nursery play or certificate giving, wouldn't he want to be there? Your child will probably be presented with a photo or something and then have a little party afterwards with their friends. Is it the be all and end all if your husband is there? No probably not, but if he can be then he should be. It's an opportunity for his child to be stand up in front of everyone and be celebrated. It's great for a child's confidence and it's a great confidence boost for them, plus children love their parents coming to see them at school/primary school.

I appreciate your passionate response. I'm definitely not comparing your choices to OP's dh. I don't think you should either. Apple to oranges, really. I have a feeling you could write a book about how to keep it all together considering you have 4! That aside, I did make the point that details won't likely be remembered, but feelings will. My remarks were about the low expectations of, in general, dh's. I'm sure we can agree women do the lion's share, as you seem to do, but in the post here, OP's dh has recently returned to his hobby and signed up for a competition on the day his dc is having a party. The competition is not unique and has no monetary value, ie if dh doesn't compete he won't be risking the loss of endorsement deals, or some sort of prestigious ranking. In fact, OP points out it is not comparable to the Olympics and that these competitions occur frequently. In the case at hand you point out, astutely, choosing a personal hobby is a choice over family time and I don't disagree. But, this post is about making that choice in lieu of their child's special day. I think that's what OP is upset about.

OP, have you noticed that 91% have voted YABU?

DH has been to the previous 3 years.

I assure you that no child will ever be grateful to have a martyr parent who will remind them for years to come of all the sacrifice they've made, how they didn't have a life and a few hobbies. If nothing else, it's horrendous example for the child!

@bluewaxcrayon
I hope that's not your childhood experience. If it is, I'm sincerely sorry.

It's sahm, grandparents or nannies who usually attend.
There are always a couple of dads in thir business suits who've been made to come. They are usually glued to their phones working and itching to leave.

OP wants her own answer and has ignored all the posters who don't agree with her.

It might be to your child though?

Leaving a familiar place and people. Having to make new friends, learn new rules.

Some 4 year olds will take it in their stride, some will be excited and/or nervous.

Nobody 'graduates' from a nursery, ffs.