Husband to not attend nursery graduation?

[AleenaM]

Nursery graduation at the end of the month and summer party right after, but husband says he has a sports/hobby competition that day. Don't know if he's joking but even the suggestion annoys me.

AIBU to expect him to attend party? Child won't graduate again but I'm sure they'll be competitions again. He is just getting back into this sport and it's a regional competition, it's not like a once in a lifetime olympics or something ...

I haven’t read the whole thread but have seen the OP’s posts. What stuck out for me is that apart from the ‘nursery graduation’, it is a big outdoor annual summer party. I rate that as more important than ongoing competitions.
However … I really came on to say that the only graduations I rate are university/tertiary graduations. These follow (a) qualifying for the course in the first place, (b) sticking with the years of study, and (c) passing the course.
Seeing silly twee IG pics of toddlers in mortar boards with certificates, graduations from primary school, graduations from high school … it’s all nonsense. By all means, celebrate as a family, but otherwise, spare me.

I really don't understand why you would be so offended over some buns, juice and a little song and a photograph.

Oh ffs

while I don’t think only one parent attending is a problem I do think many of you are being deliberately obtuse about the importance of transitions and rituals. Especially to small people.

I think this is the exact polar opposite of what happens....

Mine were genuinely not bothered. Appreciate it might not be so for others.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

What a silly idea. Luckily my dd nursery was sensible and just did a day at the beach (in nursery) and picnic on her last day. No parents went. Is this a new thing? Yabu. Totally understand your dh not going. He can attend the real graduation when you child has finished college

I genuinely don’t remember leaving nursery or first school, and I don’t think that’s because nobody made a fuss about it, either. Go if you feel it’s important, of course, but I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing for your DH to want to do something else instead.
I could understand if he was putting his own hobbies/interests above his family life in general, though, but not sure if that’s the case. You know him, we don’t.

Moving from one setting to another is a big milestone regardless of age - most grownups who move job have a leaving party and gifts are exchanged.

Few mothers would choose a hobby over attending an event to mark their child's milestone.

I wonder how much of that is just because of the term "nursery graduation" and how much is because of the ridiculously low expectations of fathers.

I imagine a woman posting "AIBU to miss my 4yo's nativity to take part in an amateur competition for a new hobby" would get a very different ratio. Arguably the graduation is a much bigger deal because it's an actual milestone.

When adult move jobs they don't tend to invite people outside of their current position. Retirement is different I suppose.

I'm thinking what I've attended for my kids over the years.
End of Primary school leavers' assembly x 1. It should be 2 but DS2's was during Covid.
Older son's university graduation.
Leaving secondary and 6th form were marked by the students. I hope the end of year 11 and year 13 don't now include events that I need to go to.

Is it such a burden to attend such things? How often do they happen in life. If your kids genuinely don't care then neither they or you need to attend? If they do care then surely you would want to be there for something that's important to them.

I’d book a limo op. Do it in style! Take your best friend or mum and coo over your child. Maybe put them in their best party outfit and organise fireworks in the evening. After all, it’s a very big milestone and most important day. Ever.

@CelesteCunningham

“I wonder how much of that is just because of the term "nursery graduation" and how much is because of the ridiculously low expectations of fathers.

I imagine a woman posting "AIBU to miss my 4yo's nativity to take part in an amateur competition for a new hobby" would get a very different ratio. Arguably the graduation is a much bigger deal because it's an actual milestone.”

I think you're reading far too much into it. I would certainly think the same if it were the father or mother posting.

Graduating from nursery is not a big deal neither is a nativity in the grand scheme of things, lots of times parents don't attend because of work and I very much doubt children are scarred by it. If it means a lot to them, it's probably because the adults have hyped them up to it.

It means a lot to them because the teachers tell them that the mummies and daddies will be coming, and when they see a load of strange faces looking back at them they're searching for a familiar one. It does matter to children when parents show up to this stuff, no matter how trivial.

And, yet again, I fully agree that parents will miss this stuff due to work and that can't be helped. But the DH isn't working, he's making a choice to prioritise the hobby. I do think women would be judged for that, and tbh I think when you're a working parent of young DC hobbies do have to take a back seat.

Surely the nursery staff must know that not ALL mummies and daddies will be able to come, though, @CelesteCunningham - so are they really going to promise the children that all the parents will be there?

Some parents will have to work, or will have other, inescapable appointments that day.

They would only care if it was a thing. If there was no graduation it wouldn't be an issue, which would be fine with me.

I'd be annoyed at this too op. If he was working then that's different, but he's not, he's just choosing to do something else and your child will notice.

And yes I do think the responses would be different if it was you choosing to miss it.

As for nursery graduation... My son has one coming up. We're both going. I know it's ridiculous, I know it's not needed... I also know I will end up crying a little. My son goes to a small nursery that is especially good for Sen kids - he's been there 2 years, the staff have been a life line for us. Just a few months ago he still couldn't go in without being dragged off me, but now he just walks in chatting over half the time - I never thought we'd get to that. Last week he actually joined in with their dancing instead of hiding in the book corner. His nervous stutter is almost none existent now. He's mostly school ready and even quite excited to go, he's got a couple of little friends he'll be going up with.

So yeah to the outside "nursery graduation" probably seems really silly, but to some people it is a real milestone, a marking of how far they've come and it does feel important.

We’ve always taken it in turns for this stuff. Dd is now in yr6 but we still do it. So for leaving I’m attending one thing and DH another. She is singing in London and he is going to that but I’ll be picking her up after. When she was this age I didn’t have a lot of AL so he tended to go to more.

Most adults who leave a job don't have their parents there to take photos though 😂

The child is leaving nursery. They are having a party. They will get and give little gifts. A fuss will be made. Both parents don't need to attend.

I think if a mother posted that her DD was "graduating nursery" but she had already agreed to a prearranged team event on that day, her DH was available to attend and was happy to but was making her feel guilty for not also attending there'd be calls to LTB!

🙄

Oh good lord. Does it need to be spelled out? Milestone events are celebrated in different ways according to the person's age and wishes. A 4 year old and a 40 year old will have different preferences. For a 4 year old, there's little more important to them than their parents.

You're the one who brought adults leaving a job into it 😉. If it's not comparable what mention it? I was pointing out how ridiculous your argument was.

It's not a ridiculous argument. Posters are saying that moving from nursery to school isn't a milestone, which is silly. It's a huge milestone, comparable to moving jobs for an adult in that they'll be going to a different place and seeing different people every day. If that's a big deal for an adult, then it's a huge deal to a 4 year old.

It isn't to everyone. DS moved from nursery to school during covid without all the big fuss and it seemed a far more sensible way to deal with it. DD had a nursery leaving event (which DH went to, didn't require both of us taking time off), a visit afternoon, three settling in sessions and a staggered start once we actually got to September. So much faff and making it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Some of the responses on here are staggering.

No-one thinks this is a graduation akin to graduating from University, or gaining qualifications from doing actual courses of study.

It’s basically a leaving party with a bit of daft theatre for the kids. It’s a bit of fun. No-one is asking you to “respect the qualification” or see it as any kind of achievement.